I don't update a lot in this blog, but of the couple entries I did before I talked about YouChew. Today I'm gonna talk about me.
A couple of days ago, I learned that my grandfather has bladder cancer. Then, the day after, my mom got put in the ICU for pneumonia symptoms - she's got fluid in both lungs. I'm not going to apologize for it - I'm very much a Mama's Boy. She lives 6 hrs away and there's no way for us to get up there at the moment.
I have a couple of siblings who live MUCH closer (one lives in the town she's hospitalized in), and so I've been relying on them to visit her and give me updates and such. Thankfully my younger sister actually has been calling me daily to let me know what the situation is.
My Grandpa I'm not so much worried about simply because he's been ready to die since he retired. He retired at 58; he had a surprise birthday party this Sunday. He's 80. I can't imagine living that long just wanting to die because you feel like "Mission Accomplished." He's Catholic, and yeah, I grew up that way too. I still don't get it.
I'm an atheist now, and have been for almost a decade. I still understand the Catholic mental rhetoric though. It's not the Catholic rhetoric and dogma doing this shit to him; I know it's some kinda mental thing. Oh. Speaking of, I should have mentioned he's gotten through a couple stages of Alzheimer's as well. Sorry. Anyways... to continue on with the point I've been trying to make and have been shitty about actually making - I worry about the people involved, both with him and my mom.
I know when either of them die, I'm going to cry about it unabashedly, but it's gonna hit a lot harder when Mom does. But I know that it's gonna hurt for all my family when either of them do. I just hope I'm strong enough to help my siblings especially, regardless of whether it's Mom or Grandpa I'm talking about.
I do have to confess, one of the reasons I'm not going up there is because I had a family member in the past who died who I knew was waiting for me to see them before he let himself pass on. I feel like if I go and visit Mom, she'd just... release her hold on this mortal coil. And I am NOT letting her do that to me, or anyone else.
Her situation seems a lot more dire than my grandpa's right now, considering the aforementioned wanting-to-die thing my grandpa has going on. Also my emotional attachment. I'm just... I'm really fucking upset right now and I have been the past few days and I know you don't get to choose when things happen, but.. I was depressed as shit in the first place, and it's like the universe has taken a giant shit on me (not as much as Mom or Gpa, but I got some splash damage).
I've been feeling especially bad lately as I was trying to say before, and I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with this shit. I just hope Mom's tough enough to make it through - Grandpa too, but I know I'm going to lose my shit worse if Mom goes, like I said. I feel like a selfish little shit even saying that. I know I'm going to have to be strong for my siblings, at least, though, if that happens, and the rest of the family, to some extent, regardless of who dies, if anyone does.
There's just too many unknowns right now for me to get a grasp of anything, and I hate it. I'm sorry if I come off like a whiny little bitch; I just don't know how to deal with shit right now, and I'll admit it.
A couple of days ago, I learned that my grandfather has bladder cancer. Then, the day after, my mom got put in the ICU for pneumonia symptoms - she's got fluid in both lungs. I'm not going to apologize for it - I'm very much a Mama's Boy. She lives 6 hrs away and there's no way for us to get up there at the moment.
I have a couple of siblings who live MUCH closer (one lives in the town she's hospitalized in), and so I've been relying on them to visit her and give me updates and such. Thankfully my younger sister actually has been calling me daily to let me know what the situation is.
My Grandpa I'm not so much worried about simply because he's been ready to die since he retired. He retired at 58; he had a surprise birthday party this Sunday. He's 80. I can't imagine living that long just wanting to die because you feel like "Mission Accomplished." He's Catholic, and yeah, I grew up that way too. I still don't get it.
I'm an atheist now, and have been for almost a decade. I still understand the Catholic mental rhetoric though. It's not the Catholic rhetoric and dogma doing this shit to him; I know it's some kinda mental thing. Oh. Speaking of, I should have mentioned he's gotten through a couple stages of Alzheimer's as well. Sorry. Anyways... to continue on with the point I've been trying to make and have been shitty about actually making - I worry about the people involved, both with him and my mom.
I know when either of them die, I'm going to cry about it unabashedly, but it's gonna hit a lot harder when Mom does. But I know that it's gonna hurt for all my family when either of them do. I just hope I'm strong enough to help my siblings especially, regardless of whether it's Mom or Grandpa I'm talking about.
I do have to confess, one of the reasons I'm not going up there is because I had a family member in the past who died who I knew was waiting for me to see them before he let himself pass on. I feel like if I go and visit Mom, she'd just... release her hold on this mortal coil. And I am NOT letting her do that to me, or anyone else.
Her situation seems a lot more dire than my grandpa's right now, considering the aforementioned wanting-to-die thing my grandpa has going on. Also my emotional attachment. I'm just... I'm really fucking upset right now and I have been the past few days and I know you don't get to choose when things happen, but.. I was depressed as shit in the first place, and it's like the universe has taken a giant shit on me (not as much as Mom or Gpa, but I got some splash damage).
I've been feeling especially bad lately as I was trying to say before, and I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with this shit. I just hope Mom's tough enough to make it through - Grandpa too, but I know I'm going to lose my shit worse if Mom goes, like I said. I feel like a selfish little shit even saying that. I know I'm going to have to be strong for my siblings, at least, though, if that happens, and the rest of the family, to some extent, regardless of who dies, if anyone does.
There's just too many unknowns right now for me to get a grasp of anything, and I hate it. I'm sorry if I come off like a whiny little bitch; I just don't know how to deal with shit right now, and I'll admit it.