I was originally going to submit this review/Mystery Science Theater 3000 ripoff as the sort of pilot you have to give to be in the writing staff, but i changed my mind. I don't think it's bad, per-say, but it's just not really the kinda thing that would go with what i assume they want. Plus, it's too goddamn long. This entry is all I got done so far, and it's already longer than a typical internet review. All I can say is sit back and prepare for a massive wall of paragraphs. Also, if you wish to read along so you can point out where i was wrong, here's an html version for your convenience. http://craphound.com/littlebrother/Cory_Doctorow_-_Little_Brother.htm
Greetings, friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. But what if this future is imperfect? A victim of authority overstepping, a seeping hole of escalating surveillance by our own government, and a living hell for our privacy? Well, if it is, then fuck if I know how to do anything about that. I ain't no time traveler. However, there exists a novel. Not just any silly old novel, but a FREE novel! One that will aid us in our conquest for information about what the future may hold! This great tome of wisdom even happens to be written by none other than the great Cory Doctorow, Canadian sci-fi author person that you probably didn't even know existed until now! Because I sure didn't!
Cory Doctorow is none other than the author of Little Brother, a book which on the surface seems to present valid points about its topic (anonymity and privacy, or lack thereof), but also has a habit of simultaneously shoving in ridiculous explanations of technology and its associated culture, along with some rather poorly disguised tracts. Basically, it's as if John Galt was hired to write a manual for MS-DOS. I had previously read this like 2 years ago, and past me seemed to like it, but I have a spotty track record of enjoying things I don't analyze or delve into very much (For instance, I actually kinda liked the movie Sucker Punch. Not really for the mediocreplot , but for the crazy action scenes. And the fanservice. There was most likely a subliminal enjoyment of the fanservice.). In order to avoid this, I have taken it upon myself to look through the story and take apart everything wrong with it (which may be quite a bit.)
So, as we turn our first page (or make our first scroll, since the dude posted free digital versions), we meet our protagonist, Marcus Yallow, supposedly better known as "w1n5t0n". And by god, he wants you to know how to read leet-speak, because he so helpfully mentions "Not pronounced 'Double-you-one-enn-five-tee-zero-enn' -- unless you're a clueless disciplinary officer who's far enough behind the curve that you still call the Internet 'the information superhighway.'". Well, we're one sentence in, and I already have two nitpicks. Why is Marcus assuming the readers are too stupid to understand letters being used in place of numbers? This book was written in 2007, when the idea of character swapping was old as shit, so it's not like it's obscure new knowledge. Also, nobody says "information superhighway" now, and if this book is the "not too distant future of 2 years" I assume it is so far, then I doubt anyone would use that THEN. I'm sure people just call it and will continue to call it "the internet".
But to continue, Marcus is just enjoying his time in class, apparently doing absolutely nothing except downloading crap on his laptop (sounds like my web design class), when he is called to the office. Doctorow takes care to describe that Marcus only closes his laptop 3 quarters shut ("I didn't want to blow my downloads"), and provides some exposition on Marcus's teacher Ms. Galvez, whom we are assured is cool and friendly because she shares a mutual eyeroll with Marcus. Then, as he goes to leave the classroom, we are also introduced to Marcus's friend Darryl in the most unintentionally vulgar way possible. "My boy Darryl gave me a smack on the ass as I walked past." I don't explicitly look for homoerotic subtext (...or DO I!?), but this sentence is basically asking for it.
After he and Darryl go through their wholeheartedly manly and totally not-gay routine slapping of the buttocks, Marcus walks out into the hallway and immediately recieves a phone message, which he runs to the bathroom to read, also deciding to tackle some opinions on which stall is best to defecate and/or hide in (spoiler: he's a middle kinda dude). Turns out, he had just received some exposi- err, e-mail from his home computer, stating that something happened in his favorite game, Harajuku Fun Madness (which somehow sounds like the least Japanese game name I have ever heard). Being a paragon of virtue and education, he decides to skip the rest of the day to play I Swear This Sounds Japanese Fun Madness, whilst unintentionally making a soliloquy that rivals the likes of Shakespeare. "Spending Fridays at school was teh suck anyway, and I was glad of the excuse to make my escape.", he cries out to the heavens, as he ventures forth in the dingy hallway of his high school.
Before he makes his escape from teh suck of his boring Friday schoolday, however, he decides to humor the principal, a Mr. "Fredrick Benson -- Social Security number 545-03-2343, date of birth August 15 1962, mother's maiden name Di Bona, hometown Petaluma,". Nothing screams "I want the world to have privacy" like having your main character know the entire identity of another, right up to his social security. Sure, the principal is kind of a dick, but this really is making Marcus seem more like an evil black hat to me than anything else. Mr. Social Security Number 545-03-2343 accuses Marcus of being involved in a conspiracy to destroy the school's security. Not too hard to believe, given Marcus d0xed someone in the first few pages alone.
Benson and Marcus then proceed to blab for a bit in typical "mischevious kid vs. angry authority figure" fashion, and eventually Benson pledges to bring the law into this. Marcus is then dismissed, taking his sweet time to explain that Benson would never really call the cops, and to talk about all the ridiculous security measures their school has, including but not limited to, adware-filled laptops that contain keyloggers and a veritable Whitman's sampler of surveillance measures, machines that can identify one's gait, and facial recognition cameras replaced with said gait detectors due to a lawsuit. Marcus spends the rest of his class time going on the IM client "IMParanoid" (Doho, I see what Cory did there.)and trying to convince his lover/friend Darryl to skip the rest of school with him so they can play some Harajuku Fun Madness, which he so helpfuly explains is a weeab- I mean, Japan-centric alternate reality game where the grand prize is "ten days in Tokyo, chilling on Harajuku bridge, geeking out in Akihabara, and taking home all the Astro Boy merchandise you can eat.". Not only does Cory Doctorow think Astro Boy is the only anime ever, but he also seems to assume that all of the show's merchandise is edible. Fantastic.
After convincing Darryl to call "bullshit" on their need for an education, Marcus blathers about how he used to only LARP instead of instead of playing alternate reality games, and mentions very specifically that people don't always know that LARPing is only acting and not real, which is either a foreshadowing of a traumatic event he will explain later, or just him hinting at that time he was chased by an elderly woman who mistook his Rainbow Dash themed dark elven archmage getup for him being an alien.
After that much needed statement on his checkered and rainbowy past, Marcus leaves class and apparently warps to the stereotypically nerdy version of the Twilight Zone, where he lets his inner Rod Serling out by explaining what Firefox and The Onion Router are and extolling their virtues, calling them "an indie browser" and "an indie internet connection", respectively. I didn't know it was possible lose all tech credibility in only 2 phrases, but I guess this book has made me learn a lot so far.
The two continue their quest to leave school and play a game on their cellphones, but are halted by the fact that Darryl happens to have a library book in his bag, which the school so helpfully implanted with an RFID tracking tag. The only solution to this ordeal is to go to the teachers' lounge to microwave the book so they can "nuke" its RFID tag, which surprisingly results in a convineient continuation of plot, rather than a burned library book.
But then, as they try to leave, they are caught by the dreaded Charles Walker, bullier of nerd protagonists, member of football teams, and climax of current plots! Also, Marcus mentions that the last time he had a run in with Charles, it resulted in Marcus hanging in the towel/pony-themed fantasy outfit on LARPing (which seems to be a blessing, given how many hobbies Marcus already gushes about), so obviously Charles is a truly heinous individual. Charles isn't going to let these guys just get away, obviously he's going to tell on them for kicks! So what is the ideal solution to getting past this human obstacle? Fighting? Bribery? Sexual harassment?
None of that shit, Marcus is just going to hook up a goddamned botnet and send thousands of calls and messages to Charles's phone, DUH! Surprisingly, this works, because in addition to anger issues, Charles has problems with concentration skills, and immediately forgets these two ever existed. Right after he checks his phone, he gets in trouble for being in the hallway, and having the phone out, proving once and for all, if you aren't the protagonist, you're pretty much fucked.
If you liked it, or just wanted to correct me, leave a comment. I'll try to get around to making more of these, since it's actually rather fun. Bye for now, and see you next technobabble-ridden entry
Greetings, friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. But what if this future is imperfect? A victim of authority overstepping, a seeping hole of escalating surveillance by our own government, and a living hell for our privacy? Well, if it is, then fuck if I know how to do anything about that. I ain't no time traveler. However, there exists a novel. Not just any silly old novel, but a FREE novel! One that will aid us in our conquest for information about what the future may hold! This great tome of wisdom even happens to be written by none other than the great Cory Doctorow, Canadian sci-fi author person that you probably didn't even know existed until now! Because I sure didn't!
Cory Doctorow is none other than the author of Little Brother, a book which on the surface seems to present valid points about its topic (anonymity and privacy, or lack thereof), but also has a habit of simultaneously shoving in ridiculous explanations of technology and its associated culture, along with some rather poorly disguised tracts. Basically, it's as if John Galt was hired to write a manual for MS-DOS. I had previously read this like 2 years ago, and past me seemed to like it, but I have a spotty track record of enjoying things I don't analyze or delve into very much (For instance, I actually kinda liked the movie Sucker Punch. Not really for the mediocreplot , but for the crazy action scenes. And the fanservice. There was most likely a subliminal enjoyment of the fanservice.). In order to avoid this, I have taken it upon myself to look through the story and take apart everything wrong with it (which may be quite a bit.)
So, as we turn our first page (or make our first scroll, since the dude posted free digital versions), we meet our protagonist, Marcus Yallow, supposedly better known as "w1n5t0n". And by god, he wants you to know how to read leet-speak, because he so helpfully mentions "Not pronounced 'Double-you-one-enn-five-tee-zero-enn' -- unless you're a clueless disciplinary officer who's far enough behind the curve that you still call the Internet 'the information superhighway.'". Well, we're one sentence in, and I already have two nitpicks. Why is Marcus assuming the readers are too stupid to understand letters being used in place of numbers? This book was written in 2007, when the idea of character swapping was old as shit, so it's not like it's obscure new knowledge. Also, nobody says "information superhighway" now, and if this book is the "not too distant future of 2 years" I assume it is so far, then I doubt anyone would use that THEN. I'm sure people just call it and will continue to call it "the internet".
But to continue, Marcus is just enjoying his time in class, apparently doing absolutely nothing except downloading crap on his laptop (sounds like my web design class), when he is called to the office. Doctorow takes care to describe that Marcus only closes his laptop 3 quarters shut ("I didn't want to blow my downloads"), and provides some exposition on Marcus's teacher Ms. Galvez, whom we are assured is cool and friendly because she shares a mutual eyeroll with Marcus. Then, as he goes to leave the classroom, we are also introduced to Marcus's friend Darryl in the most unintentionally vulgar way possible. "My boy Darryl gave me a smack on the ass as I walked past." I don't explicitly look for homoerotic subtext (...or DO I!?), but this sentence is basically asking for it.
After he and Darryl go through their wholeheartedly manly and totally not-gay routine slapping of the buttocks, Marcus walks out into the hallway and immediately recieves a phone message, which he runs to the bathroom to read, also deciding to tackle some opinions on which stall is best to defecate and/or hide in (spoiler: he's a middle kinda dude). Turns out, he had just received some exposi- err, e-mail from his home computer, stating that something happened in his favorite game, Harajuku Fun Madness (which somehow sounds like the least Japanese game name I have ever heard). Being a paragon of virtue and education, he decides to skip the rest of the day to play I Swear This Sounds Japanese Fun Madness, whilst unintentionally making a soliloquy that rivals the likes of Shakespeare. "Spending Fridays at school was teh suck anyway, and I was glad of the excuse to make my escape.", he cries out to the heavens, as he ventures forth in the dingy hallway of his high school.
Before he makes his escape from teh suck of his boring Friday schoolday, however, he decides to humor the principal, a Mr. "Fredrick Benson -- Social Security number 545-03-2343, date of birth August 15 1962, mother's maiden name Di Bona, hometown Petaluma,". Nothing screams "I want the world to have privacy" like having your main character know the entire identity of another, right up to his social security. Sure, the principal is kind of a dick, but this really is making Marcus seem more like an evil black hat to me than anything else. Mr. Social Security Number 545-03-2343 accuses Marcus of being involved in a conspiracy to destroy the school's security. Not too hard to believe, given Marcus d0xed someone in the first few pages alone.
Benson and Marcus then proceed to blab for a bit in typical "mischevious kid vs. angry authority figure" fashion, and eventually Benson pledges to bring the law into this. Marcus is then dismissed, taking his sweet time to explain that Benson would never really call the cops, and to talk about all the ridiculous security measures their school has, including but not limited to, adware-filled laptops that contain keyloggers and a veritable Whitman's sampler of surveillance measures, machines that can identify one's gait, and facial recognition cameras replaced with said gait detectors due to a lawsuit. Marcus spends the rest of his class time going on the IM client "IMParanoid" (Doho, I see what Cory did there.)and trying to convince his lover/friend Darryl to skip the rest of school with him so they can play some Harajuku Fun Madness, which he so helpfuly explains is a weeab- I mean, Japan-centric alternate reality game where the grand prize is "ten days in Tokyo, chilling on Harajuku bridge, geeking out in Akihabara, and taking home all the Astro Boy merchandise you can eat.". Not only does Cory Doctorow think Astro Boy is the only anime ever, but he also seems to assume that all of the show's merchandise is edible. Fantastic.
After convincing Darryl to call "bullshit" on their need for an education, Marcus blathers about how he used to only LARP instead of instead of playing alternate reality games, and mentions very specifically that people don't always know that LARPing is only acting and not real, which is either a foreshadowing of a traumatic event he will explain later, or just him hinting at that time he was chased by an elderly woman who mistook his Rainbow Dash themed dark elven archmage getup for him being an alien.
After that much needed statement on his checkered and rainbowy past, Marcus leaves class and apparently warps to the stereotypically nerdy version of the Twilight Zone, where he lets his inner Rod Serling out by explaining what Firefox and The Onion Router are and extolling their virtues, calling them "an indie browser" and "an indie internet connection", respectively. I didn't know it was possible lose all tech credibility in only 2 phrases, but I guess this book has made me learn a lot so far.
The two continue their quest to leave school and play a game on their cellphones, but are halted by the fact that Darryl happens to have a library book in his bag, which the school so helpfully implanted with an RFID tracking tag. The only solution to this ordeal is to go to the teachers' lounge to microwave the book so they can "nuke" its RFID tag, which surprisingly results in a convineient continuation of plot, rather than a burned library book.
But then, as they try to leave, they are caught by the dreaded Charles Walker, bullier of nerd protagonists, member of football teams, and climax of current plots! Also, Marcus mentions that the last time he had a run in with Charles, it resulted in Marcus hanging in the towel/pony-themed fantasy outfit on LARPing (which seems to be a blessing, given how many hobbies Marcus already gushes about), so obviously Charles is a truly heinous individual. Charles isn't going to let these guys just get away, obviously he's going to tell on them for kicks! So what is the ideal solution to getting past this human obstacle? Fighting? Bribery? Sexual harassment?
None of that shit, Marcus is just going to hook up a goddamned botnet and send thousands of calls and messages to Charles's phone, DUH! Surprisingly, this works, because in addition to anger issues, Charles has problems with concentration skills, and immediately forgets these two ever existed. Right after he checks his phone, he gets in trouble for being in the hallway, and having the phone out, proving once and for all, if you aren't the protagonist, you're pretty much fucked.
If you liked it, or just wanted to correct me, leave a comment. I'll try to get around to making more of these, since it's actually rather fun. Bye for now, and see you next technobabble-ridden entry