Thursday night / Friday early morning, whatever you people call it - I was drunk as shit and realized I needed some food. I walked over to the refrigerator to find my understanding friend lying atop the icebox - the bag of pretzels. I must reiterate, the pretzels and me have held each other's hands in hard times. In all seriousness, that's sometimes all I ate in a day in college. Not because it was cheap as fuck and delicious - but because I couldn't afford.. to.. Okay, so maybe the cheap as fuck thing. Little did I know those delicious knots would stick a back in my knife! .. or.. whatever. You know. Because.. aw, fuck it.
Okay, so I was nomming these pretzels, and browsing the interwebs, when suddenly I noticed a sharp sensation of "NO" on the right side of my mouth. So then I eventually chew these peasant pretzels down into the RUBBISH THEY ARE before swallowing, clicking my tongue a few times (trust me - it's key to toothology)and I also said, "Noice!" before doing so, and then decided I should experiment. Now, being a good scientist.. I.. I.. hope I am anyways.. uh.. (don't look at me Polythrash), I decided to.. as they say, "give it a whirl." I don't know who the fuck says that because they are fucking garbage and I will throatpunch them if I ever-
Sorry. Pretzelrage. Forgive me. It's just that Polythrash hasn't learned Swift yet and.. ugh. Anyways.. I was munching down handfuls of pretzels at a time, because that's the primary fuel of a t00lishness. I thought you all knew that. But.. in the midst of my fuel consumption, (and, my aforementioned being drunk as hell), I broke off about half my tooth off with these granite-esque motherfuckers, and, in said midst, proceeded to immediately swallow, then cough up enough power for the Firefly series to take up again. (It won't -- I talked with Whedon)
I will tell you honestly - on a scale of 1 to 10, it hurt like someone had consumed my testicles and frothed them up to enough of a degree of boiling that they could actually extract the entire complaints of the MRA into a shotglass via pipette. (They would have amounted to 0.01mL in lab. Sorry, fedoras.)
As soon as it happened, I thought of waking my wife but.. she has to wake up for work in the morning, and it's 3am and oh fuck- I can not tell you how glad we already had some sort of oral anesthetic, because I would have resorted to howling at the moon if that helped. I would have shaved myself naked, worn my wife's garb (It doesn't fit me because she's smaller, but I WOULD HAVE MADE IT FIT), humped a librarian for some books I knew were free if only I'd filled out my library pass and found out what the nexus to Hell was if only in order to alleviate my pain.
Flash forward a bit - after my examination earlier, the good dentist admitted I'd lost "a good chunk" of my tooth. I'm almost wanting to scream at him "I can't even eat pickles you fuck, why the hell would you tell me that?" And, with a wink (honest to Spaghetti Monster), he adds, "Well, maybe not bite things right now."
Anyways - back to the Origins: Toothy.. or.. whatever Marvel shit they're going to conjure up next. I could NOT sleep. If I turned to the right, it'd hurt my tooth. To the left, same story, and if I laid on my back... well, never mind, I just described the Matrix trilogy. Anyway, I couldn't sleep no matter what, so I was up for what seemed like umpteen hours. Which... isn't a bad estimate. In the time from when it happened to when my wife thankfully sent a message to them, (because I am incapable of doing anything while in pain except for pissing, vomiting, pooping, or doing the ladies, which my wife frowned upon) telling them I'm in severe pain and my tooth got broken and can we have someone look at this at earliest opportunity please?
The time at which she sent the message was late Friday evening, after the offices had closed. Dentists, as you know, are horrible scaly creatures who only harvest our calcium and fluoride via this controversy I call "cavities" and.. you know what? Fuck it, let's cut the pretense - why the fuck are they only available through those days and hours of the week? If someone stumbles and breaks their front teeth on a hurdle in the middle of a track meet, if it's on Saturday, YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF! Oh? Little Marie stumbled while taking her first steps and crunched her jaw and lip and.. oh my God, are you my Sunday School teacher? Fuck off!
Ahem. Anyway, let's get back to reality. I say that subjectively because this post has been anything but! HAH! Fuck you, English majors!
Uh. What I meant to say was - we were talking about what happened with me over the weekend. I felt a lot of pain, but it kinda rode in waves, like me on uh.. if all those "Your Mom" jokes were true, I could have been to Neptune and back like a badass sailor of.. waves in.. space.. god damn it, it did NOT make me feel like Silver Surfer! (But it would have been okay..)
I couldn't eat hardly anything in that time period. I couldn't sleep either, as I mentioned. So where is the solution? The wondrous world of video games. Which actually wasn't so bad. I ate approximately one chicken noodle soup a day, minus the three and a half I would vomit as soon as anything touched that tooth on Saturday. I think I may have actually performed the first self appendectomy with that, but.. that's not really the accomplishment, no - I finally got my witch up to 51 on Path of Exile! ..no one? Come on, I'm still learning, and I'm sick and *blarghf*
Okay, okay, fine, I'm sick of hearing you say "fucking casual." Look, I'm totally okay now and I promise I'll make her a very discreet ice-crit based witch. Oh, that wasn't it? Okay. (No but seriously, I'm going to have a crit-ice bitch that will rock your fu-)
Ahem. For those of you who made it this far in the blog, congratulations! Now you get to learn the real shit as soon as I can throw it at you!
I have not been to a dentist since I was 13.
I am now 33.
I have two broken teeth, one that causes me no pain, one that causes me some, but it's decreasing since the aforementioned incident.
I went to a dentist today.
The cost for the examination and x-ray of all my teeth today cost me about $170
My insurance covers $1000/yr.
I-
Okay, fuck that shit. See, THIS is why dentists are fucking inhumane pieces of garbage that deserved to be buried. After only 20 years of seeing one.. *scoff*.. they want to give me two root canals for two broken teeth, a measure of fillings, and x-rays of my own fucking mouth! Pshaw!
In all seriousness, I did need a dentist, and I was in pain, but that pain subsided for the most part yesterday. Oh, I'm making an early morning post. Day before then. Anyways... I do seem to have to pay, if what I saw on the bill is true (and this isn't Conspeery Theracy), $6000 just so people don't laugh at my horribly mangled mouth. That's repairing two broken teeth with root canals, giving them a porcelain crown apiece, then the other cavities I have in my teeth mouth. Why the fuck did I say teeth mouth? I dunno, I'm just so fucking boggled about the cost - the cost for an average childbirth is $3500, maybe that's why. Least in America. Heh. 'Murica. heh.. I.. thought I would top this off with something funny. Maybe kind of like human cows grazing at Ponderosa, ladening their mashed potatoes with gravy at the all-you-can-eat buffet of hell where you fucking die because YOU SHOULD HAVE WENT TO A DENTIST BEFORE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE kind of thing. *sigh*
Pingas?
NO! ?
My Boi?
...didn't think so either.
Okay, so I was nomming these pretzels, and browsing the interwebs, when suddenly I noticed a sharp sensation of "NO" on the right side of my mouth. So then I eventually chew these peasant pretzels down into the RUBBISH THEY ARE before swallowing, clicking my tongue a few times (trust me - it's key to toothology)
Sorry. Pretzelrage. Forgive me. It's just that Polythrash hasn't learned Swift yet and.. ugh. Anyways.. I was munching down handfuls of pretzels at a time, because that's the primary fuel of a t00lishness. I thought you all knew that. But.. in the midst of my fuel consumption, (and, my aforementioned being drunk as hell), I broke off about half my tooth off with these granite-esque motherfuckers, and, in said midst, proceeded to immediately swallow, then cough up enough power for the Firefly series to take up again. (It won't -- I talked with Whedon)
I will tell you honestly - on a scale of 1 to 10, it hurt like someone had consumed my testicles and frothed them up to enough of a degree of boiling that they could actually extract the entire complaints of the MRA into a shotglass via pipette. (They would have amounted to 0.01mL in lab. Sorry, fedoras.)
As soon as it happened, I thought of waking my wife but.. she has to wake up for work in the morning, and it's 3am and oh fuck- I can not tell you how glad we already had some sort of oral anesthetic, because I would have resorted to howling at the moon if that helped. I would have shaved myself naked, worn my wife's garb (It doesn't fit me because she's smaller, but I WOULD HAVE MADE IT FIT), humped a librarian for some books I knew were free if only I'd filled out my library pass and found out what the nexus to Hell was if only in order to alleviate my pain.
Flash forward a bit - after my examination earlier, the good dentist admitted I'd lost "a good chunk" of my tooth. I'm almost wanting to scream at him "I can't even eat pickles you fuck, why the hell would you tell me that?" And, with a wink (honest to Spaghetti Monster), he adds, "Well, maybe not bite things right now."
Anyways - back to the Origins: Toothy.. or.. whatever Marvel shit they're going to conjure up next. I could NOT sleep. If I turned to the right, it'd hurt my tooth. To the left, same story, and if I laid on my back... well, never mind, I just described the Matrix trilogy. Anyway, I couldn't sleep no matter what, so I was up for what seemed like umpteen hours. Which... isn't a bad estimate. In the time from when it happened to when my wife thankfully sent a message to them, (because I am incapable of doing anything while in pain except for pissing, vomiting, pooping, or doing the ladies, which my wife frowned upon) telling them I'm in severe pain and my tooth got broken and can we have someone look at this at earliest opportunity please?
The time at which she sent the message was late Friday evening, after the offices had closed. Dentists, as you know, are horrible scaly creatures who only harvest our calcium and fluoride via this controversy I call "cavities" and.. you know what? Fuck it, let's cut the pretense - why the fuck are they only available through those days and hours of the week? If someone stumbles and breaks their front teeth on a hurdle in the middle of a track meet, if it's on Saturday, YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF! Oh? Little Marie stumbled while taking her first steps and crunched her jaw and lip and.. oh my God, are you my Sunday School teacher? Fuck off!
Ahem. Anyway, let's get back to reality. I say that subjectively because this post has been anything but! HAH! Fuck you, English majors!
Uh. What I meant to say was - we were talking about what happened with me over the weekend. I felt a lot of pain, but it kinda rode in waves, like me on uh.. if all those "Your Mom" jokes were true, I could have been to Neptune and back like a badass sailor of.. waves in.. space.. god damn it, it did NOT make me feel like Silver Surfer! (But it would have been okay..)
I couldn't eat hardly anything in that time period. I couldn't sleep either, as I mentioned. So where is the solution? The wondrous world of video games. Which actually wasn't so bad. I ate approximately one chicken noodle soup a day, minus the three and a half I would vomit as soon as anything touched that tooth on Saturday. I think I may have actually performed the first self appendectomy with that, but.. that's not really the accomplishment, no - I finally got my witch up to 51 on Path of Exile! ..no one? Come on, I'm still learning, and I'm sick and *blarghf*
Okay, okay, fine, I'm sick of hearing you say "fucking casual." Look, I'm totally okay now and I promise I'll make her a very discreet ice-crit based witch. Oh, that wasn't it? Okay. (No but seriously, I'm going to have a crit-ice bitch that will rock your fu-)
Ahem. For those of you who made it this far in the blog, congratulations! Now you get to learn the real shit as soon as I can throw it at you!
I have not been to a dentist since I was 13.
I am now 33.
I have two broken teeth, one that causes me no pain, one that causes me some, but it's decreasing since the aforementioned incident.
I went to a dentist today.
The cost for the examination and x-ray of all my teeth today cost me about $170
My insurance covers $1000/yr.
I-
Okay, fuck that shit. See, THIS is why dentists are fucking inhumane pieces of garbage that deserved to be buried. After only 20 years of seeing one.. *scoff*.. they want to give me two root canals for two broken teeth, a measure of fillings, and x-rays of my own fucking mouth! Pshaw!
In all seriousness, I did need a dentist, and I was in pain, but that pain subsided for the most part yesterday. Oh, I'm making an early morning post. Day before then. Anyways... I do seem to have to pay, if what I saw on the bill is true (and this isn't Conspeery Theracy), $6000 just so people don't laugh at my horribly mangled mouth. That's repairing two broken teeth with root canals, giving them a porcelain crown apiece, then the other cavities I have in my teeth mouth. Why the fuck did I say teeth mouth? I dunno, I'm just so fucking boggled about the cost - the cost for an average childbirth is $3500, maybe that's why. Least in America. Heh. 'Murica. heh.. I.. thought I would top this off with something funny. Maybe kind of like human cows grazing at Ponderosa, ladening their mashed potatoes with gravy at the all-you-can-eat buffet of hell where you fucking die because YOU SHOULD HAVE WENT TO A DENTIST BEFORE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE kind of thing. *sigh*
Pingas?
NO! ?
My Boi?
...didn't think so either.