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Lord Smeargle's Vault - The VHS Surprises, Episode 9 - They're Here...

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Despite the fact videocassettes were commonly placed in the traditional clamshells or big/small boxes, they also came in cardboard covers, something that some VHS holders were actually built to give the cardboard covered tapes a home. Just about every home entertainment company around at the time that was aware of this at least tried it once. In CEL’s case, they were bountiful, and they even gave the cardboard-cased videocassettes a variety.


Credit goes to wickscassidy for the display of the cardboard-cased videocassettes. Part 2 can be found on YouTube.

If the cardboard cased videocassettes featured a well-known star regardless of what division it was branded under (say Bruce Lee, for example), then it would be released under the Starscreen brand. If it was a musical, then it would be marketed as a musical (where MGM would comfortably fill the library). If it was made in the land down under (where Australian Video dominated that market), then it would be labelled an Australian Classic, regardless of what year it was made. And if it involved RKO Pictures (which was somewhat commonplace with CEL), then it would feature the mentioned company’s logo.

However, not every cardboard-covered VHS was packaged like that; some were packaged in a variety of colours, whilst others were more unique. This fortnight, I will cover two videocassettes that fit under this category, Poltergeist being the cab off the rank due to the fact the remake will be coming imminently. And already the cardboard cover has been encased in a translucent VHS cover. Great…


…The VHS Surprises…
This wasn’t uncommon for me to find some of them like this; some that came in cardboard covers (such as Breaker Morant and Storm Boy) occasionally get cut to fit into a translucent or opaque VHS case. But I guess I’ll let it slide for now, since the standards for VHS as of 2015 are really low at St. Vincent’s apparently; I even encountered two videocassettes that would qualify as porn.


Credit goes to MOVIECLIPS for the trailer. Strangely, Dominique Dunne (who passed away in less than half a year following the film's release) has the last lines from the trailer before the narrator.

Anyway, Poltergeist. At least I have an excuse to hype the remake of the film with showcasing the original film. It was packaged under the Starscreen divison from CEL, such as Craig T. Nelson and Beatrice Straight, with the former notably appearing in The Killing Fields and The Incredibles, whilst the latter was also known for winning an Oscar for her 5 minute work in Network. And stickers attack once again for this VHS cover:
  • It has suspense on the corner of the cardboard cover (in pink)
  • A circular ‘weekly’ sticker (in yellow; obviously looks like it took on some years)
  • From ‘Uptown Video, Port Douglas’ (Phone: (070) 99 5568)
Though strangely, it shows two pictures on the back of the cardboard cover, which are at the climatic end of the film (one shows the mother of the family in the mud puddle, whilst the second shows the same woman trying to keep her son from disappearing).

The top and front stickers are kept intact (if you don’t count the coffee stain on the top sticker), and prior to watching this videocassette, it was rented 5 times before it found its way to St. Vincent’s. Kind of reminds of The Man With The Golden Gun rental VHS. This tape also carries a ‘cleaned and serviced by RTI Tapechek’ sticker, a ‘This movie is the property of UPTOWN VIDEO’ sticker, a ‘REEF VIDEO’ (presumably the previous VHS store to own it before UPTOWN VIDEO) and the numbers ‘2296’, so it definitely does have a bit of history in its world.

As I popped in the VHS, after waiting patiently, a Warning appears on a space background, with the blue and black grid in the foreground. Notably at the time, CEL (amongst every other major VHS company in Australia) were in favour of the ‘New Penalties Copyright Amendment Act’ of 1986, and they liked it so much, they’ve made two logos to take care of it, which are considerably better than the first ‘Entertainment Revolution’ logo that looks like it took place in the civil war. Even so, less effort is put into this logo, though they do try at an extent. The music tries, the animation tries, even the announcer tries.


Credit goes to SuperUnknown for the trailer. The trailer makes the sequel look like a generic horror film.

And we then cut to the ‘PREVIEWTIME’ bumper again, which does carry cheese, though has a fun tune. The only movie shown under PREVIEWTIME is the sequel to Poltergeist, which looks considerably bad compared to the first movie. Of course, when this preview finishes, we then cut to the MGM/UA logo, and then the MGM logo at the time, which was about 24-25 years old. Where are your plasterers now, big movie companies?

And the movie, of course, is a memorable one. The movie is creative with the suspense and horror, and the director in Tobe Hooper and producer in Steven Spielberg manage to do remarkably well with the special effects, including in animation and makeup. Most of the actors give a good performance, especially the late Heather O’Rourke with the good line-reading of “They’re here”. And it really keeps you on the edge, even though no one is shown to have died on screen.

Unfortunately, with the quality being known to dwindle, the first run of this VHS ended up caving in at the 75 minute mark, when Tangina Barrons makes an appearance, even though it flickers badly from the start of the movie, when America’s National Anthem is playing. During this time, the ‘Poor Signal’ message showed up on my VCR for some unusual reason, which my mother knew how to make the message disappear by stopping the VHS. Man, I feel like an idiot now…

Getting back on topic, the audio quality gets worse from when Tangine goes on a monologue, and it continues to get worse when Tangina explains what happened to Carol Anne, whilst the VHS began to make buzzing sounds constantly after Tangina continues to speak, until she walks into the door of doom. It also continually strikes during the family’s final encounter of the demon, and continues from there until the tape ends. It’s a good thing I have a DVD copy of it. And the tape closes out with the MGM/UA Home Video logo, with the third Communications and Entertainment Limited logo following it.



Credit goes to Dan Bickner for the MGM/UA HV logo, and AussieRoadshow for the three CEL HV logos. The second (which is the third used in CEL's lifetime) was shown in the copy of Poltergeist that I had.

So to sum it up, I feel disappointed that this tape would be possessed by VHS spirits of its own. On the other hand, while the tape doesn’t have much to offer, it does have a good movie on there. If you manage to find a copy of Poltergeist, then get it now. Just don’t forget to leave the TV and the tape outside of your home during the night just for good measure after you play it.

Final Score
VHS Cover: 5/10. Looks as generic as every other cardboard cover that came out from CEL, and it was placed in a different cover.
Videocassette: 7.5/10. Most of the stickers are intact.
Quality: 1/10 (2nd Watch). Dear Lord, this really has fallen from grace.
Warning: 9/10. Despite the cheesiness, it was a cool and futuristic way to show a warning screen. You have to give that company an A for effort, right there.
Logo: 7.5/10. While the first is cheap and simple yet a placeholder, the second is done decently, and the third definitely wasn't a plaster.
Previews/Other Features: 3/10. Only one preview isn’t enough to convince me otherwise.
Final Score: 33/60. Overall, despite some ghost-like issues, it holds up to this day.

Well, one down, another to go. And I’m afraid the second one is gonna be murder to get through. Which is a shame because it was a great Monty Python movie.

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