Being angry is tiring. So I'm gonna take a break from the vaguely titled rants and talk about things that I love! Now, why don't we just go on and get started?
You know what I love? Pencils. There are so many different kinds!
Take a gander at this lady having a whale of a time, all over pencils! Some have points, some don't. Those right there are words to live by.
You know what I love? Forks. There are so many different uses for them!
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Take a look at the world we live in today and imagine a successful forkless parallel universe. Oh yeah, that's right, you can't! We just can't live without forks and you're quite the crazy crazy if you think otherwise.
You think you can function without the use of forks in your day to day life? You must be a super person, my friend. You have some powers I only wish I had.
You know what I love? This picture of a coat hanger:
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This specific one. All the other photos of coat hangers that are of similar size and shape don't even hold a candle to this photo of a coat hanger. It reminds me of the warm summer of 2001 when I experienced defenestration head on for the first time.
You know what I love? My own fucking book:
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Yes. The Enthralling Journey of Ted Lamp: Poop That Corn is actually the 12th book in a mega series I'm still writing. I'm currently on the 29th book, and that's called The Enthralling Journey of Ted Lamp and a Bunch of His Dumbass Friends 6: Lemmy, Ya Better Get Ready to Batter Up Because We Need This Win to Make it to the Finals 2.
All my books are great of course, but The Enthralling Journey of Ted Lamp: Poop That Corn is easily the best. If you don't agree, then please leave. There's the door, you bean sucker,
You know what I love? Well, rather, who I love?
Grandmother Cheese Cream!
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Gramma Cheese Cream! I know I haven't come over in 6 years and you missed both my middle school AND high school graduation, but that's okay! You're my Gramma Cheese Cream and that's alright! It's okay! You smell like creamed corn and you're missing both legs but you're my Gramma Cheese Cream! Or is it Gramma Cream Cheese? Who knows? We burned your birth certificate.
You know what I love? Fleetwood Mac!
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Now, don't get me wrong. I can't name any Fleetwood Mac song to save my life. I don't think I've ever, ever listened to them. But damn, look at how they're defying gravity and the laws of physics like that! Inertia? Fuck you. Law of thermodynamics? Nuh uh. Antidisestablishmentarianism? Floccinaucinihilipilification? Okay, you're talking crazy now. I can't pronounce these words easily, let alone use them to describe this wild and crazy image of Fleetwood Mac. Aren't they a sight to behold? Hold on, folks! Ya might fall down if you try this at home!
You know what I love? You.
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Who wouldn't love that face? I know I love it more than anything. By the way, Gerald, please make your dentist's appointment. You haven't been in 19 years and it's starting to show, frankly.
You know what I love? Pencils. There are so many different kinds!
Take a gander at this lady having a whale of a time, all over pencils! Some have points, some don't. Those right there are words to live by.
You know what I love? Forks. There are so many different uses for them!
Take a look at the world we live in today and imagine a successful forkless parallel universe. Oh yeah, that's right, you can't! We just can't live without forks and you're quite the crazy crazy if you think otherwise.
You think you can function without the use of forks in your day to day life? You must be a super person, my friend. You have some powers I only wish I had.
You know what I love? This picture of a coat hanger:
This specific one. All the other photos of coat hangers that are of similar size and shape don't even hold a candle to this photo of a coat hanger. It reminds me of the warm summer of 2001 when I experienced defenestration head on for the first time.
You know what I love? My own fucking book:
Yes. The Enthralling Journey of Ted Lamp: Poop That Corn is actually the 12th book in a mega series I'm still writing. I'm currently on the 29th book, and that's called The Enthralling Journey of Ted Lamp and a Bunch of His Dumbass Friends 6: Lemmy, Ya Better Get Ready to Batter Up Because We Need This Win to Make it to the Finals 2.
All my books are great of course, but The Enthralling Journey of Ted Lamp: Poop That Corn is easily the best. If you don't agree, then please leave. There's the door, you bean sucker,
You know what I love? Well, rather, who I love?
Grandmother Cheese Cream!
Gramma Cheese Cream! I know I haven't come over in 6 years and you missed both my middle school AND high school graduation, but that's okay! You're my Gramma Cheese Cream and that's alright! It's okay! You smell like creamed corn and you're missing both legs but you're my Gramma Cheese Cream! Or is it Gramma Cream Cheese? Who knows? We burned your birth certificate.
You know what I love? Fleetwood Mac!
Now, don't get me wrong. I can't name any Fleetwood Mac song to save my life. I don't think I've ever, ever listened to them. But damn, look at how they're defying gravity and the laws of physics like that! Inertia? Fuck you. Law of thermodynamics? Nuh uh. Antidisestablishmentarianism? Floccinaucinihilipilification? Okay, you're talking crazy now. I can't pronounce these words easily, let alone use them to describe this wild and crazy image of Fleetwood Mac. Aren't they a sight to behold? Hold on, folks! Ya might fall down if you try this at home!
You know what I love? You.
Who wouldn't love that face? I know I love it more than anything. By the way, Gerald, please make your dentist's appointment. You haven't been in 19 years and it's starting to show, frankly.