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HerrVarden's Alternate-Universe Lair - Varden's Vonderful Vonderings #3 - Fraivitasion

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Fraivitasion (n): The will of doing a task or project when a greater one with similar structure is at hand. Comes from combining "frainteso" (misconstrue in Italian) and "navitas" (energy in Latin), meaning "misconstrued energy".

Whilst it isn't the end of the month, I am more so aware that the summer that I have has begun to close its doors and that I must return again to the slog of school, with the added benefit of graduating and moving on to live the college life...after I get through another year of assignments, obnoxious students and bullshit school spirit. So I feel as though it would be good to recollect on how I spent the summer of today. i was set on writing something big seeing as it was summer and I had the time to write this project and perhaps get more ahead. I had often had issues concerning self-motivation and procrastination with the occasional scattering of a writer's block (which seems like a myth, but it isn't since it really revolves around a combination of those two things along with various other elements). Oh, I managed to write, I wrote a lot in the time allotted, thank God. Problem was that it had very little to do with my larger project but rather a series of other smaller tasks to tick off my mental checklist.

That's where fraivitasion comes in. I often have been the "victim" of fraivitasion. I'm a man of ambition, many thoughts, an overthinker. Sure, I don't show it at times, but when I get to talking, I can talk forever. I want to branch out into many things, some greater than others, but it takes a great deal of organizing to know when to do what. Still, some of the bigger burdens are greater to tackle earlier rather than let them stand on your back. I have the ability to do it, my mind doesn't shut off. Why, I still come up with a multitude of ideas for projects here and there, even though I know I have a timeline to deal with concerning these concepts. It doesn't worry me too much. It's rather when I decide that I want to tackle that stone that the frustration of fraivitasion comes forth. As I finish a smaller spur-of-the-moment, I ponder about the greater task at hand and curse myself for not going through with it. At the same time, I see that the smaller one helped me with channeling added tension of the clutter that I have in my imaginative mind. But self-loathing takes over, for many reasons, mainly concerning my many thoughts and not going with the larger tasks.

Summer was always the worst for fraivitasion because combining it with the advent of constant gaming and distractions of the outside world calling you to go out and see it or buy something, it would seem as a bigger project would be near impossible if my passion channeled elsewhere. Think of it sort of as if you have this big tank you're filling up with water and ever-so-often you take cups to scoop up some of the water from the tank. It didn't help me that I had to deal with a nasty bug in my stomach, so I found my mind flipping through the channels of my thoughts frantically, not settling on one. My writing project didn't get far and I feared that perhaps it would take a while until it would see the light. In any case, what worried me more was that in winter I had another big project, as well as the next summer, realizing that I would have to be able to use my time more effectively during school to balance everything so that I do what I have to do.

In a way, I curse fraivitasion with all of my being for robbing me of the chance to complete the bigger projects, but at the same time, i thank it for letting me at least do something with my energy and allowing me to retrospect on the big goals and see if they were worth it. This one certainly was, and I was willing to organize myself in the following weeks/months to get it done, but it reminded me of one much more ancient. I had this project going on for 3 and a half years and I tried to continue doing it, thinking about revising it, and getting it out there as my first chapter-based tale, but it wouldn't have helped considering how I completely lost motivation to continue the story and instead channeled ideas and energy over to other big projects. It did serve as great practice for me and as a great tool to know how far I've evolved as a writer in those years. More info about that project can be found here. Eventually I figure that fraivitasion will benefit me by holding me back from the bigger rock enough so that when I tackle it, I tackle it well.

Only time can tell what it will do.

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