Over the past year, ever since I started my first year at high school, I am experiencing an increase in depression on how I am currently feeling in my life, and it's now becoming even worse.
It is now the time to express my feelings and my thoughts.
During Middle School, I had a project with the class to create a poster that would fit for a local park by a lake. I have tried my hardest to be as colorful and detailed as I can with the poster. When the voting for the posters came, my poster had received only 1 vote, while a majority of the other posts had more than 4 or 5. I felt sadness inside of me although I worked the hardest I could, but nobody seems to notice my poster or the quality of it.
Now, during high school, nobody hardly EVER sits with me during lunch everyday and during group activities, I was left out when nobody didn't want to be my partner like I never existed in class. This was at the point that I thought to myself that I don't really have a good friend that I like to hang out with a bunch, or not of my kind that I was comfortable with. I had that feeling everyday and week I go to school. Then from that point forward to now, I became very lonely, so lonely that I literally weeped myself to sleep one day for over 30 minutes, with my bedroom door locked. The internet isn't helping either. Barely anybody chats or talks to me although I try to, and also, same thing happened like at middle school: no matter which contest I joined in, I'm barely noticed or forgotten, leaving me with little to no recognition at all despite my quality.
This is now predicting my future. I wouldn't have anyone to talk to, I would not have anybody to marry and I would become a single lone adult, having a hard time trying to find a good job and earn money to stay wealthy. I might also become homeless, a guy living out in the alley or streets with nothing to take care of myself. The thoughts of those possibilities have driven me to having suicidal thoughts of killing myself recently over the past summer.
What I am saying, however, is that I'm not a person who wants attention or anything, it's that because I'm having a hard time trying to have good communication with other people, trying to choose specific sayings and explaining myself and quality more clearly, as I am afraid that I would anger them or make them unhappy, disliking me. I attempted it at some points in the past, and I was left with the kind of replies saying that my sayings, posts or thoughts in words were like "that doesn't make sense", "obnoxious", "excuse" or "you're the worst". Not only does it help me trying to word out my sayings better, but it also makes me depressed in the inside, telling me that I don't have a true friend that is like myself to actually hang out with a bunch. It's like as if everyone is in a big room having a party doing a chat-storm, while I'm sitting in a corner, facing the wall, with my head down in despair with the difficulty of my communication skills overtaking me, and I would ruin the storm.
If I don't get to improve on my communication with people so I can feel better, all hope for myself would be lost, and I would be in a major state of depression and suicide in the near future.
Lots of people forget about me, I have trouble with trying to communicate with people, people bash on me, and my future is looking bad.
I am a nobody, and I need help with my communication skills.
As I am typing this, I am shedding tears of sadness.
It is now the time to express my feelings and my thoughts.
During Middle School, I had a project with the class to create a poster that would fit for a local park by a lake. I have tried my hardest to be as colorful and detailed as I can with the poster. When the voting for the posters came, my poster had received only 1 vote, while a majority of the other posts had more than 4 or 5. I felt sadness inside of me although I worked the hardest I could, but nobody seems to notice my poster or the quality of it.
Now, during high school, nobody hardly EVER sits with me during lunch everyday and during group activities, I was left out when nobody didn't want to be my partner like I never existed in class. This was at the point that I thought to myself that I don't really have a good friend that I like to hang out with a bunch, or not of my kind that I was comfortable with. I had that feeling everyday and week I go to school. Then from that point forward to now, I became very lonely, so lonely that I literally weeped myself to sleep one day for over 30 minutes, with my bedroom door locked. The internet isn't helping either. Barely anybody chats or talks to me although I try to, and also, same thing happened like at middle school: no matter which contest I joined in, I'm barely noticed or forgotten, leaving me with little to no recognition at all despite my quality.
This is now predicting my future. I wouldn't have anyone to talk to, I would not have anybody to marry and I would become a single lone adult, having a hard time trying to find a good job and earn money to stay wealthy. I might also become homeless, a guy living out in the alley or streets with nothing to take care of myself. The thoughts of those possibilities have driven me to having suicidal thoughts of killing myself recently over the past summer.
What I am saying, however, is that I'm not a person who wants attention or anything, it's that because I'm having a hard time trying to have good communication with other people, trying to choose specific sayings and explaining myself and quality more clearly, as I am afraid that I would anger them or make them unhappy, disliking me. I attempted it at some points in the past, and I was left with the kind of replies saying that my sayings, posts or thoughts in words were like "that doesn't make sense", "obnoxious", "excuse" or "you're the worst". Not only does it help me trying to word out my sayings better, but it also makes me depressed in the inside, telling me that I don't have a true friend that is like myself to actually hang out with a bunch. It's like as if everyone is in a big room having a party doing a chat-storm, while I'm sitting in a corner, facing the wall, with my head down in despair with the difficulty of my communication skills overtaking me, and I would ruin the storm.
If I don't get to improve on my communication with people so I can feel better, all hope for myself would be lost, and I would be in a major state of depression and suicide in the near future.
Lots of people forget about me, I have trouble with trying to communicate with people, people bash on me, and my future is looking bad.
I am a nobody, and I need help with my communication skills.
As I am typing this, I am shedding tears of sadness.