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Mullets Rantitorium - Jem And The Holograms The Movie 2015

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I apologize in advance, because, as i form what i am going to write here, and, what all i want to say to make my position clear, that: this post will be an inception maze of prefacing before i get to my actual fucking point, which, in of itself, is barely a point at all.
To start, I really don't feel as comfortable posting in this area, but, as it always gets pointed out when someone posts a rant of this nature as a regular thread: this type of rant should be posted in the blogs section. Here where it is somehow more of an official thing. This is not an official thing, i don't want this rant to be an official thing, but, here i am in an official thing section, because, if i posted this as a topic in Film Television and Videos section like i wanted, i might get yelled at.
Also, i am perfectly fine with being open to comments, and, here, it seems like this is a place where, it is somehow more indecorous to offer replies that might offer contradictory opinions to that of the OP author.
I don't mind comments disagreeing at all, except (as mentioned) i get a little frazzled when i am criticized for an arbitrary technicality, such as, posting in a wrong place, or, something rulish like that, where someone doesn't care about the actual topic, yet, found a place where a criticism could be lodged, and, butted in just for that.
I am subbed to a Daily Motion channel called Fan Reviews. The only thing that ever gets posted to this channel is movie trailers. This is only DM channel i sub, because, whether its how DM works, or some setting I'm on, i get an email every time a subbed DM channel uploads a video.
I keep this sub, because, it only uploads new movie trailers, so its like getting a news letter about new movies that always have a trailer linked into them. There might be a more proper or better way to get informed of new movies than this, but, this is what I've fallen into.
On a side note, I am not totally sure if Fan Reviews is sanctioned in some way by the film studios in being legally allowed to post these trailers, but, the channel does have a blue diamond in its header, which, in the world of DM indicates it as a high priority monetized channel. Whether this is above board, or DM pretending to be ignorant to incentivize people to upload content for their site, i do not know, and, don't really care, and, would be a story for another time anyway.
This morning, i got sent the link to this trailer

I know that re-digesting pop culture items from the 80s and 90s is a very common practice nowadays. Whether its things like these types of "reboots", or, people like "professional" YouTubers jumping on every 90s/80s franchise that they can find out about to fill their channels and blog pages with content, re-digesting these kinds of things are a common source of entertainment, and, for many, a business.
Nevertheless, i was surprised to see this in particular adapted into a movie.
For one thing, its 2015. Its 2015! Your going to remake this, but not BTTF!!? IT IS 2015!!!! Remake BTTF, it is 2015 Jem and The stupid ass Holograms movie could have came out any year, and, its the same. 2015 is a key location in the BTTF franchise. Since it is now obvious they are eventually going to grab on to every 80s franchise to exploit, you know they are going to come to BTTF sooner or later. Well its really best to come out with BTTF this year.
Thing is: if there is no BTTF movie in production now, its impossible to have a decent movie ready before the end of the year, so, i am going to drop this and get to what i think will be wrong with this Jem movie.
If you watch the trailer, you can see that they pretty much abandoned everything about Jem and the Holograms, except for the names of characters. Its pretty much another one of those teen singing movies, but, just using the name, i guess in the hopes that middle aged hipsters will bite and drag their tweenaged daughters into this abomination.
"We are remaking Jem and The Holograms, with a few changes. Instead of being transformed by a sentient computer that her dead father made, she will be discovered on You Tube for being a dopey singing emo chick, and, not have a dead father, and, instead of the arch nemesis band The Misfits, there will be no villain band, but, instead she will battle with her own pouting about the pressures of fame."
So, not Jem And The Holograms at all then?
"Well,...uh....we think people are stupid, so, we expect them to buy it."
Why not remake BTTF then? That might make you boatloads of money.
"Oh, we decided to table the BTTF reboot until 2017 or 2018, after its guaranteed that everyone on earth has stopped giving two shits about BTTF."
Oh, of course, that makes sense.
I'm not a fan of Jem, like, at all, but, if your going to commit the kind of money and time it takes to make a Jem movie, why not actually make a Jem movie?
By not staying true to what little that franchise was about, they've upgraded this from probably being a flop turd to a %100 guaranteed flop turd.
I have only seen this trailer, so, there is a slim chance i could be wrong about everything. This movie could be an unexpectedly fantastic movie, and, a brilliant re-imagining of the cartoon series its based on. Probably not, but, anything is possible.
More observations:
Juliette Lewis, still kind of hot, in that flat chested trailer trash kind of hotness that she cashed in on in the 80s/90s, still. Granted, not fully %100 of where she was in the 80s/90s, but, still retaining a great deal of that appeal after all this time. Good for her.
At 1:50 You see a Miley Cyrus cameo. I guess it almost kind of sort of makes sense to include Miley in this movie, since, Hannah Montana was kind of along the same line as Jem in some ways, and, considering this movie is probably way more like Hannah Montana than Jem.
This does mean that ANYTHING from 80s/90s pop culture is on the table now. I know people have joked about this for a long time now, but, now, its not a joke.
Live action Berenstain Bears, either with actors in bear suits, or, just actual bears, absolutely possible.
Any cereal mascot, either in live actions or Pixar style 3D animation, yes. Pandora's box is open now.
-Milli Vanilli bio pic
-My little Pony using celebrity voices over actual ponies
-Game Boy The motion picture. Maybe a bio pic of Gumpei Yokoi following the process of creating and marketing that system, or, like a Wreck It Ralph type thing taking place inside a Game Boy.
-Street Sharks
-Archie Comics (this would actually be right up the alley of a teen quirky hipster rom com)
-Daria (of course, cast with an actress too attractive to convey that one of Daria's big things was being homely looking for her age)
-Kris Kross bio pic (you know, those kids that wore their pants backwards)

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