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MrThisucks' Top 10 lists - Top 10 Inmates in Orange Is The New Black

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I thought I'd take a break from the usual anime-related list to bring you a list on appreciable women in a show I really like. Orange is the New Black, unlike anime that I usually watch, is a dark comedy/drama main focus on some bitch-ass bitch named Piper Chatman who turned herself into a prison because her lesbian girlfriend was a drug mule blah blah blah. Piper and her gf Alex both are pretty lame characters that I've grown sick of. Who I love is the supporting characters, for this show provides a wide cast of diverse women, all who have their own personality and drive and, especially, backstory. Well, I'm gonna shut my mouth and get on with this goddamn list.

#10-CLAUDETTE PELAGE
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This hard ass motherfucker has been MIA for the last two seasons. Why? Because she choked a guard out for yelling at her because of her makeup. OK so out of context that makes her seem nuts, but it was something she did do. Claudette was introduced as ,of course, Piper's new cellmate who would bitch at her for little shit. But what did you expect? She's in jail, not summer camp. She came to America from Haiti and ended up being a maid her whole life, and ended up in jail for what I thought was murder, but this wiki I'm reading is saying otherwise. What lead me to believe it was murder is her episode where they reveal their whole story it clearly shows her murdering someone, quiet coolly actually, for beating one of the younger maids. But just because ONE PERSON contradicts that, its open to speculation. Now I know y'all been waiting for me to talk about her sexually so...umm...I guess not now. She's pretty old. Maybe in her younger days? I'm not into Haitians too much.

#9-NICOLE "NICKY" NICHOLS
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This is the women you've been looking for, you perverts. Nicky is a heroin-addicted, sex-crazed lesbian who likes to joke around and slut around. Her exact felonies also are a little ambiguous, but it definitely had something to do with heroin. She caters to the Requiem for a Dream audience, but despite that we never see any ass-to-ass scenes. We do, instead, get the best carpet munching in the series. Look at her, she's a doll! Unlike Piper the surfboard, and, well I can't say Alex isn't pretty. I've been wanting to see lewd Laura Prepon since the 70's. That seen with Poussey and the German girl was ok, and Boo ruined her own sex scene. Throughout that scene I was making these sounds. Anyway, she's also been a real snarky character, and probably one of the most realest motherfuckers around. Well, when heroin isn't involved. Man, this girl just loves heroin. She could star in her own movie with those crazy jazz songs with the fast drums and the crazy saxophones going crazy then slowing down but just when you think it stopped it just gets CRAZIER and the you realized one of your heroin buddies stopped moving for a while. Plus what a great head of hair!

#8-NORMA ROMANO
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I wouldn't say season 3 jumped the shark, but it got fucking nuts. One of the reasons is this bitch right here. Norma used to be Red's lackey. She's mute so naturally everyone would walk all over her, even more so because she's a pretty sweet person. The first instance was where she sang shocking everyone at the Christmas pageant. Nothing else especially crazy happens for a whole season, until season 3, where we learn she was in a cult. A cult she had been in since probably her early teens into relatively old age. She was vulnerable because of her stutter, and taken in only to be one of many wives for this heretical cultist, who, after the other multitudes of women he married freed themselves of his manipulation, got stuck with the old quiet ugly one. I love in that flashback when that cultists' car breaks down and the way he says goddamnit makes me shit myself laughing. Not like, feces come out my ass shit myself, you know, just laughing hard. Once the cultist figures out he can't become a bird, he projects his anger on Norma and tells her she wasted her life following a man who acknowledge himself as a false prophet. So what does she do? THROW HIM OFF A CLIFF, CALLING HIM A SON OF A BITCH! Years later, in Litchfield Prison, after many of the prisoners begin to seek guidance from her, she LEADS THEM LIKE A CULT! Hugging and rubbing and making women just as vulnerable as she was years ago, follow her like she followed that dude way back. It all comes crashing down later, but still history repeated itself! Would I bang her? Her younger self without a doubt. Look at her. Her beauty withered away to some sick polygamist who wanted her the least of his wives. She was a rose given to a man without love. A Thanksgiving feast turned to poison. Poor, poor Norma.

#7-TASHA "TAYSTEE" JEFFERSON
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This girl gets a shitload of screen time, and for good reason. Taystee is a fun, loving woman who really shouldn't be in jail. She's a nice person who's only caregiver was a sick, twisted criminal. Taystee is an orphan who was taken up by a woman and future inmate Vee, a malevolent women who took in orphans to use as pawns for her drug trades. When Taystee started to become too much of a functional member of society, Vee said "Listen, bitch. You either help me sell drugs or you lose your little family of orphans." Rather than having no one, she had to live a life of criminality. In prison, she's the chill bookkeeper alongside Poussey, who for a while had a huge lesbian crush on her. Then Taystee was all like "Nuh-uh girl, I like dick. No offence." So naturally Poussey took it offensively and since has been a little disconnected with the gang of onscreen black chicks. Even so, she still cares for people she is close to. Always looked at Poussey forlornly when Vee messed with her, helped her curb her alcoholism, helped Crazy Eyes get over Vee's death, cried for that one dude that died. There's a lot of potential in Taystee as demonstrated in that episode when they get that job fair thing, and like her, is locked up from the world. Would I hit that? Yeah, she looks like she likes to cuddle.

#6-MARISOL "FLACA" GONZALEZ
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I'd be her friend in real life. Like, if we went to school together I hang out with her and listen to The Smiths with her in one of our rooms. If she came over, I'd make pupusas with her and if I went to her house her mom would make posole and we'd chill. I'd speak in my usual pseudo-intellectual demeanor and she with her caustic but wondrous tone, or however you'd describe the way she speaks. Hell, I'd be the boyfriend in that episode with her backstory. Flaca was a character that was easy to not give a shit about. Her and Maritza were two inseparable shit talkers along the sidelines of the prison, making snarky remarks about everything. However she did have her moments like this picture I used from the mock job fair and when she blackmailed Bennett. But I gave a shit. I gave a shit hard in her backstory episode where we find out she wanted to upstage her boyfriend in high school who sold drugs by selling fake drugs. Wacky amirite? Unfortunately, due to the one-upsmanship the writers faced with themselves, this crazy kid on a placebo-induced LSD trip FUCKING JUMPS OFF THE SCHOOL ROOF, killing himself. This season dealt with a shitload of topics and it nails the head on the justice system not focusing on the root problem of troubled teens. In this case, it wasn't Flaca's fault for selling the kids fake drugs that made him kill himself, but for no one providing care for his depression, which they barely mention, but I caught it. I'm watching you, writers. Anyway, Flaca proves herself as another young, ambitious woman who is held back by prison much like Taystee, but Flaca is actually a little bit of a criminal at heart. C'mon Flaca, did you really have to sell them drugs? Would definitely marry and have little flaquitas.

#5-PATRICIA "TRICIA" MILLER
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A youngster among the prison, Tricia was a straight up girl who was a tad insecure and feared her girlfriend in prison would forget her. Tricia had a hard time for a long time. She was homeless before she was in prison, having to steal in order to survive. But she was not a thief. She had a list of the various things she took and planned to pay all her dues as she went along. Unfortunately, she was unable to complete that task as her life was cut short due to drug addiction. Red and Nicky tried to get her off the stuff, but she was given a bag of Oxycontin and took the whole thing. She was then hung by Pornstash to cover up the death as a suicide. A sad character. I wish she was able to stick around. She was nice and wasn't a criminal. She was just going through a lot of hardship and was too stubborn to take handouts. We didn't get to know her long, but I was attached to her for the short time she was there.

#4-TIFFANY "PENNSATUCKY" DOGGETT
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Pennsatucky, the once main antagonist of the show, has been through a lot of shit. You'd think she'd become irrelevant after Piper beats the shit out of her(hell, wouldn't it be CRAZY if she got killed on Christmas that season? How over-the-top would the show have to be to keep that up, huh?) or after none of her old meth-head friends hang out with her, but she's a more interesting character than that lame ass Piper. Pennsatucky was, at the beginning, a religious zealot who was in jail for getting mad and shooting a woman who said "The next abortion's on the house, ya whore." She then went in and blasted her to smithereens with a shotgun and a group of radical Christians who had planned to bomb that abortion clinic pumped their fist in the air, chanting "Yeah, yeah!" as she proceeded to murder that woman. As Christians fought for her freedom, believing she murdered for a religious cause, she believed she was "chosen" and tried to heal a girl in a wheelchair who had nerves of steel, which was made apparent when Poussey said "You think you hard cuz you in a wheelchair?" Then Pennsatucky got into a fight with Piper, who fucking rekt her shit. She was sent to Chicago to await execution and everything...or at least I wished she was when I saw that episode. Fuck Piper. Anyway, in season 2, she became...cute. It was weird because once her teeth got replaced, her mannerisms became more playful and she became friends with Healy and they cheered each other up and she got a new haircut and had all this transition. Getting beat by Piper was probably the best thing to happen to her. She got new friends and even got to get driving privileges, which ultimately led to her getting raped. It was awful and heartbreaking. In season 3 she gets escorted by this new guard Coates, who tries to shill for red velvet donuts and looks like he's a guy you'd hire if Steve Buscemi was busy. Pennsatucky, being her new, playful, friendly self became fast friends with Coates. But then things got weird when they went out to feed ducks and he made her fetch a donut off the ground like a dog. I was like "Dude, what the hell." Which reminds me last night I saw this episode of Undercover Boss and in the Hooters episode they showed this guy who had his employees have bean eating contest to leave work early. It was really disturbing, but I bet it will make great poop material. Anyway, Coates and Pennsatucky's relationship becomes more close and yet worse as they kind of start dating and then Coates ends up raping her and she just sits there and takes it. And its awful! She's a prisoner so she has no credibility if she's not pregnant and is helpless. And sure, it shows in the past how she whored herself out for Mountain Dew, but c'mon man, you shouldn't go around raping prisoners. So in an act of revenge she drugs him and plans with Boo to shove a broom up his ass, but she doesn't have it in her and instead has a "seizure" in one of their rides together, letting herself get replaced with Maritza, one of the Latinas, who is probably going to end up another victim. I don't know, I have a thing for rednecks I think. I love My Name I Earl. Would I bang? She's had enough. I'd be her BFF though.

#3-LORNA MORELLO
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The only crime committed here is not loving Lorna. Its a travesty, she's a doll! Lorna is the glimmer of hope in their miserable prison. She's this living homage to the women in 1950's era pin up girls. She was always planning was her and Christopher were gonna get married. She had to break up her relationship with Nicky to tighten herself up for him, only truly gets angry when people mock her and Christopher's relationship, and is always keeping herself pretty. So why is this beauty in jail? Well for one she committed tons of mail fraud, the other is that she and this Christopher guy aren't a thing. She actually is a very deluded stalker. ONE date, and she was ready to blow him and his fiance up with a car bomb. This woman. Look at her. She's made of glass. She was the van driver for most of the series and one day strayed away to break into Christopher's house. If she was left alone with a van, you'd think she'd escape to anywhere but no, she goes and breaks into that man's house! She then goes and breaks in, looks at stuff while crying, and puts on a wedding veil and takes a bath. It's weird, but it's sad to see how desperate she is for love. After this ordeal, Christopher actually goes and visits her, but to her dismay, he goes and reveals to everyone that she's a psycho and say "I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" and she is forever embarrassed for not having a real boyfriend. Then when Nicky gets put in maximum security, she cries her eyes out and looks destroyed! She just gets one punch in the face right after the other. Or more accurately, a punch to the heart. But she's strong, and persist on, and GOT MARRIED !!!! After exploiting a bunch of dudes who try to hookup with inmates, I would say my favorite of the group is that weeaboo who I thought was played by David Anthony Higgins who played Craig Feldspar in Malcolm in the Middle, but it turns out its played by some nobody named Brian Silliman so now I don't give a shit, she ends up marrying one named Vincent who she fucking uses to get revenge on Christopher. by claiming he's been acting like a pervert and Vince goes with a couple buddies and beat the shit out of him. Finally, she gets the love she oh so deserves. I WANT TO BE VINCENT!

#2-BROOK SOSO
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Ok, I know someone is gonna be like, "Of course MrThisucks is going to put the Asian high up." I'm not crazy for Asians, despite me having a blog loosely dedicated to critiquing their female anime characters, making a ton of YouTube Poops using anime, watching a fair amount often, listening to some Japanese music as I'm typing this, I don't care that much that she is Asian. I ain't got yellow fever or anything, but I must say, she is in my opinion the prettiest inmate. How could you smile like that while your in prison? Soso is a hilariously naive character who often annoys inmates and drives them off most of the time with her chatterbox-like tendencies.She is one of those activist girls who is against the 1% and refuses to shower to have her natural smells and is force to bathe, which is fucking demoralizing for her. She even rallies up a hunger strike which she herself can't commit to and is one of the founding members of Norma's cult, later excommunicated for disagreeing with Leanne Taylor. She first goes to Litchfield and becomes friends with Piper, but Piper, being the bitch that she is, trades her for a blanket. Fuck Piper. Anyway, she gets pity fucked by Nicky, and then she goes through a cycle of isolation and being left out as she tries to fit in with her activism and chattering and I think one episode she was talking about one of those click-bait movie theories about Weekend at Bernie's and everyone hated her. All this unfolds before my eyes and I'm just like "Go home to someone who loves you please!" Everyone hates her and I'm not sure why. I would think being stuck in prison and having someone who spouts a bunch of things that can be explored in depth for hours, hours which they definitely have, would be a godsend. Maybe because I'm close to Soso's age group and want to be with people like her. I want to end her search for friendship. I'll enjoy her presence, but alas, not many feel the same. The end of the 3rd season shows her going through depression, and Healy offers antidepressants, but the Soso, who is against chemical use, goes to the other counselor and gives her some advice and shit. She compares being a friend with the counselor like being friends with the lunch lady at school and decides she should take the pills, an act which symbolizes her disposing her former self and accepting that she needs to change in order to survive jail. Instead, however, she see's a bunch of pills laying around and tries to kill herself. I'm not going to lie, I cried a little. I got made fun of by my brother and felt like whenever I attach to a character, this show takes them away from me hard, as if its real life, where good people go bad or die. THANKFULLY it was just a bunch of benedryl and Poussey and Taystee found her just in time to quietly make her vomit all those pills and guide her around as recovers from taking all of those pills.Then she straight up tells Healy he's a crappy counselor and becomes friends with the black girls. A happy ending to a tragic character. I don't care about any sex when it comes to Soso. I just wanna make her happy. I'll carry a boombox over my head outside her window, shout with her at the bow of a ship, and if she marries someone else I'll be there to object as dramatically as my passion may be. We can do improv together, watch movies together, and hell, even protest together. I want to grow old with Soso. I want to go back in time and experience all the hardships and awkwardness of adolescence alongside her hand in hand. I want to wipe her tears if they shall ever fall. I would not treat her like a human, for it would be disrespectful. I would treat her like so much more. Soso is definitely the best girl, so why is there still one more spot left?







#1-ROSA CISNEROS
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I might not have much to say, and there isn't much to be said, but man, Rosa was the best. If Soso is the best girl, Rosa is the best woman. Rosa was a bank robber, who wanted to pretty much be the next Bonnie and Clyde. She robbed banks with her boyfriend and two other dudes, but on one robbery, her boyfriend died in her arms. To fill the void in her heart, she fell for one of the other fellow bank robbers and on another robbery, he died of a heart attack. The last robber refused to kiss her, and after that heist went so well, and a lone heist landed her in jail, she realized every man she kissed was doomed to die in a heist. She spent the rest of her lonely life, rotting in prison and was dying of cancer, with nothing left but to have a good sense of humor about it, which was a little sad when you think about those times she joked about it. "What, you got cancer too?" she would tell Healy. But in her last days, when she found out she was gonna have a couple weeks left and all she could do at that point was wait, she had one last heist with a young boy with cancer and they robbed a drunk nurse for $60. She saw him crying later and thought her cursed was gonna kill him, but he went into remission and that's why you see her laughing right here. As she goes back to prison, Morello gives her the vans and says "GO AND DON'T LOOK BACK!" and she does! On her way out of prison, she see's Vee and rams her, sending her into the sky and says "That woman, always so rude," as Don't Fear the Reaper plays and dies in a blaze of glory. She was truly worth shedding tears for. She couldn't love because everyman would die, and couldn't bear children because of the cancer, and just had to be in jail. I just want to give her a hug.


Thanks for reading!

SnoopyTheFudge's Blog - Featured SCPs of the SCP Foundation (Vol.1)

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1. SCP-173 (by Moto42): The Sculpture
  • Perhaps the first SCP ever created, no one really remembers. It stands as a shining example as to why the Foundation exists.

Moved to Site-19 1993. Origin is as of yet unknown. It is constructed from concrete and rebar with traces of Krylon brand spray paint. SCP-173 is animate and extremely hostile. The object cannot move while within a direct line of sight. Line of sight must not be broken at any time with SCP-173. Personnel assigned to enter container are instructed to alert one another before blinking. Object is reported to attack by snapping the neck at the base of the skull, or by strangulation. In the event of an attack, personnel are to observe Class 4 hazardous object containment procedures.
Personnel report sounds of scraping stone originating from within the container when no one is present inside. This is considered normal, and any change in this behaviour should be reported to the acting HMCL supervisor on duty.
The reddish brown substance on the floor is a combination of feces and blood. Origin of these materials is unknown. The enclosure must be cleaned on a bi-weekly basis.

2. SCP-184 (by Dr Gears): The Architect
  • While not a strange item by itself, its effect can create things far outside human understanding. This item shows that a SCP does not always need to be horribly dangerous to be interesting and creepy.

SCP-184 is a small, smooth metallic object, 10 cm (4 in) tall and 10 cm (4 in) wide, in the shape of a dodecahedron. Each face of the figure has a circular hole in the center, and a small sphere is attached to each vertex. SCP-184 is made of an unknown, but highly magnetic, alloy about as hard as brass.
When inside an enclosed structure, SCP-184 expands the structure's inner dimensions without altering its outer dimensions. SCP-184 will increase the inner dimensions of any enclosed structure by several hundred meters each day, beginning one hour after entry into the structure. Initially, SCP-184 only extends the walls out, causing rooms to become much larger without adjusting the height of the room. This expansion continues until the original dimensions of the room have been tripled.
At this point, SCP-184 starts creating wholly new rooms. SCP-184 is apparently able to copy items from inside the structure, creating furnished rooms consistent with the rest of the structure. After a period of time, however, the expansion process appears to break down. For example, items will be made from inappropriate materials (glass books, a wooden microwave), rooms will be oddly-shaped, doors will open into blank walls, and hallways will be tiny or twist back around in long mazes. The new inside structures continue to be more and more odd, while the outside remains unchanged.
This behavior is most dramatically illustrated in homes; however, it has been observed in other instances, including a cardboard box. The changes do not go away with the removal of SCP-184, but no additional structures are created.

3. SCP-294 (by far2): The Coffee Machine
  • An example of how something as seemingly ordinary as a vending machine has the potential to horrifically bend the universe to a mechanically cold will. Make your selection with a great deal of care.

Item SCP-294 appears to be a standard coffee vending machine, the only noticeable difference being an entry touchpad with buttons corresponding to an English QWERTY keyboard. Upon depositing fifty cents US currency into the coin slot, the user is prompted to enter the name of any liquid using the touchpad. Upon doing so, a standard 12-ounce paper drinking cup is placed and the liquid indicated is poured. Ninety-seven initial test runs were performed (including requests for water, coffee, beer, and soda, non-consumable liquids such as sulfuric acid, wiper fluid, and motor oil, as well as substances that do not usually exist in liquid state, such as nitrogen, iron and glass) and each one returned a success. Test runs with solid materials such as diamond have failed, however, as it appears that SCP-294 can only deliver substances that can exist in liquid state.
It is of note that after approximately fifty uses, the machine would not respond to further requests. After a period of approximately 90 minutes, the machine seemed to have restocked itself. It is also interesting to note that many caustic liquids that would have eaten through a normal paper cup seemed to have no effect on the cups dispensed by the machine.
Testing is ongoing. As suggested, SCP-294 was moved to the 2nd floor personnel break room as a money-saving venture. Following incident 294-01, guards were stationed at the item and a security clearance became necessary to interact with it.

4. SCP-914 (by far2): The Clockworks
  • A device capable of taking the simplest things, and changing them at their basest level to something else, though what it produces can vary greatly. Most often, the returned items in question can be related to the original, but other times…. The results are unique.

SCP-914 is a large clockwork device weighing several tons and covering an area of eighteen square meters, consisting of screw drives, belts, pulleys, gears, springs and other clockwork. It is incredibly complex, consisting of over eight million moving parts comprised mostly of tin and copper, with some wooden and cloth items observed. Observation and probing have showed no electronic assemblies or any form of power other than the “Mainspring” under the “Selection Panel”. Two large booths 3mx2.1mx2.1m (10ftx7ftx7ft) are connected via copper tubes to the main body of SCP-914, labeled “Intake” and “Output”. Between them is a copper panel with a large knob with a small arrow attached. The words Rough, Coarse, 1:1, Fine, and Very Fine are positioned at points around the knob. Below the knob is a large “key” that winds the “mainspring”.
When an object is placed in the Intake Booth, a door slides shut, and a small bell sounds. If the knob is turned to any position and the key wound up, SCP-914 will “refine” the object in the booth. No energy is lost in the process, and the object appears to be in stasis until the Output Booth door is opened. Intense observation and testing have not shown how SCP-914 accomplishes this, and no test object has ever been observed inside SCP-914 during the “refining” process. The process takes between five and ten minutes, depending on the size of the object being refined.

5. SCP-002 (by The Administrator): The "Living" Room
  • A huge ball of tissue, like a massive tumor, with a heavy hatch door, leading in to… a small, crappy apartment. A bit of a let down… until testing shows that everything inside is made from human beings. Woven hair, sculpted bone, and other, less pleasant, materials make up the furniture…and SCP-002 is always looking to grow.

SCP-002 resembles a tumorous, fleshy growth with a volume of roughly 60 m³ (or 2000 ft³). An iron valve hatch on one side leads to its interior, which appears to be a standard low-rent apartment of modest size. One wall of the room possesses a single window, though no such opening is visible from the exterior. The room contains furniture which, upon close examination, appears to be sculpted bone, woven hair, and various other biological substances produced by the human body. All matter tested thus far show independent or fragmented DNA sequences for each object in the room.
Refer to the Mulhausen Report [cross-ref:document00.023.603] for details related to object's discovery.

6. SCP-804 (by Sorts): World Without Man
  • A beautiful globe, built by an artist group…that causes the rapid decay and disintegration of every nearby man made object…and Man itself, for that matter. What's more, this is no accidental device, or a strange twist of time and space…it is doing exactly what the builder wants it to do.

SCP-804 is the remains of an art installation titled "World Without Man," revealed on ██/██/20██, by the defunct artists' group Unelmat Paremmasta Maailmasta. According to documentation retrieved and deleted from the artists' website during clean-up procedure, SCP-804 was originally a large, clear globe of the Earth, with several smaller globes and video equipment within. Promotional material on the website implied that the globe was to display images of pastoral wilderness untouched by mankind contrasted with visuals of abandoned human industry and decaying landmarks.
Upon activation before a small audience of prominent environmental activists and artists from the nearby community of █████ █████, SCP-804 began to display its destructive properties. We can only speculate if the device's output was intentional or not, as those involved in its construction perished during the incident or have gone into hiding.
While the globes within SCP-804 rotate, all man-made artifacts within approximately 100 meters begin to rapidly deteriorate until completely disintegrated. The effect applies to anything ranging from machinery to buildings, clothing, plastics, synthetic chemical compounds and any tool more complex than a sharpened stick of wood. The area of effect grows the longer the device is active, with the effect growing ever stronger at its source. Human tissue is also affected at a slower rate of decay, causing victims to become emaciated as they lose body mass—leading up to collapse of the skeleton and death, with the body swiftly breaking down into component matter shortly thereafter. Non-human life is completely unaffected. Persons who escape the area of effect experience symptoms similar to prolonged starvation but can return to full health with proper care.
If not for the fact that it is not entirely immune to its own effect, SCP-804 would have had the potential to remove all trace of humanity from the globe in a matter of weeks. Judging from the observed rate of destruction upon original activation versus its current capabilities under testing, SCP-804's capabilities have been impaired by the damage it caused to itself. However, sustained use still presents an extreme threat especially if the device is somehow refined or repaired.
Due to the circumstances in which SCP-804 was secured it is strongly believed that the device also possesses some form of mental compulsion on those who view it, but testing is still on-going to determine if that property has also been compromised by the decay of SCP-804 and how it might be contained. See Recovery Log for further information.

7. SCP-093 (by far2): Red Sea Object
  • A red stone disc with unknown engravings that is attracted to mirror surfaces. However, when held by a test subject, the stone allows the user to move through the mirror. It quickly becomes apparent though that whatever is on the other side isn't your reflection…

SCP-093 is a primarily red disc carved from a stone composite resembling cinnabar, with circular engravings and unknown symbols carved at 0.5 cm depth around the entire object. Deeper cuts are present on SCP-093 with a depth of 1 to 1.5 cm. SCP-093 is 7.62 cm in diameter and fits comfortably into most palms without abrasion. SCP-093 will change hue when held by a living individual. The colors taken by SCP-093 are still being researched to establish a link. Current belief holds that the changes depend upon regrets carried by the holder.
If SCP-093 is removed from a mirror and not held by a person, it will seek out the nearest mirror-like surface. SCP-093 has been observed to travel in the largest possible circle while rolling, building up phenomenal speed. The mechanism of this acceleration is currently unknown. If an obstacle is between SCP-093 and the nearest mirror-like surface, it will use this momentum to punch through the obstacle and continue on its course at this speed. It will only stop when a mirror-like surface is contacted. Despite tremendous impact velocities, no damage will be dealt to SCP-093 or the mirror.

8. SCP-2558-J (by ClockworkMage): Puffer Kittens
  • No, wait, what? Really? Woah.

Under normal circumstances, SCP-2558-J appears to be a group of normal kittens, of several different breeds. They are nearly universally friendly and tend towards affectionate interaction with humans and each other.
When startled or threatened, they inflate into a ball of fluff roughly the size of a soccer ball. Their eyes are still visible through the fluff, and they begin mewling in a way that induces semi-parental instincts in all nearby, including the hearing impaired. Their range of motion is limited to anywhere they can roll, but they display surprising agility even when attempting to navigate a cluttered environment in fluff-ball form.
Several varieties have been observed, including longhaired, hypoallergenic, grenade (see Addendum), and bouncy.

9. SCP-055 (by xtheevilecorruptor): [unknown]
  • The self-keeping secret. Nobody knows what it is, nobody knows what it does. Anyone who sees it forgets about it entirely in the space of minutes. It may have killed hundreds of people, or it may have been placed by an outside force to invisibly monitor the Foundation or humanity…. and nobody would know.

SCP-055 is a "self-keeping secret" or "anti-meme". Information about SCP-055's physical appearance as well as its nature, behavior, and origins is self-classifying. To clarify:

  • How Site 19 originally acquired SCP-055 is unknown.
  • When SCP-055 was obtained, and by whom, is unknown.
  • SCP-055's physical appearance is unknown. It is not indescribable, or invisible: individuals are perfectly capable of entering SCP-055's container and observing it, taking mental or written notes, making sketches, taking photographs, and even making audio/video recordings. An extensive log of such observations is on file. However, information about SCP-055's physical appearance "leaks" out of a human mind soon after such an observation. Individuals tasked with describing SCP-055 afterwards find their minds wandering and lose interest in the task; individuals tasked with sketching a copy of a photograph of SCP-055 are unable to remember what the photograph looks like, as are researchers overseeing these tests. Security personnel who have observed SCP-055 via closed-circuit television cameras emerge after a full shift exhausted and effectively amnesiac about the events of the previous hours.
  • Who authorized the construction of SCP-055's containment room, why it was constructed in this way, or what the purpose of the described Containment Procedures may be, are all unknown.
  • Despite SCP-055's container being easily accessible, all personnel at Site 19 claim no knowledge of SCP-055's existence when challenged.
All of these facts are periodically rediscovered, usually by chance readers of this file, causing a great deal of alarm. This state of concern lasts minutes at most, before the matter is simply forgotten about.
A great deal of scientific data has been recorded from SCP-055, but cannot be studied.
At least one attempt has been made to destroy SCP-055, or possibly move it from containment at Site 19 to another site, meeting failure for reasons unknown.
SCP-055 may present a major physical threat and indeed may have killed many hundreds of personnel, and we would not know it. Certainly it presents a gigantic memetic/mental threat, hence its Keter classification.
10. SCP-882 (by Dr Gears): A Machine
  • A monstrous heap of moving metal, you soon discover that it is no purposeless pile of junk. As you listen to its grinding, wheezing, clicking, and whirring, you begin to hear a message; it is the voice of God, gently whispering for you to heed its call, and help it realize its enigmatic machinations.

SCP-882 appears to be a random assembly of gears, cables, pulleys, screws, and belts, all made of an amalgam of various metals. Object's size at time of recovery was approximately eighty-seven cubic meters. Current size is approximately twelve cubic meters. SCP-882 rusts quickly in seawater. No identifiable energy source has been found, but all components will begin to move if not coated in rust. SCP-882 is completely silent at all times, no matter what level of activity SCP-882 reaches.
Any metal touching the object will become permanently affixed to it, and over a period of a few days becomes a new part of the object. Organic matter remains unaffected. SCP-882 is extremely resilient, with tensile strength and toughness above those of aircraft grade titanium alloy by weight, even though its composition appears to be a random alloy of iron, tin, gold, and other metals, some as of yet unidentified. Extreme, focused heat must be applied over several hours to cut even a small portion free of the main assembly.
Persons remaining in the vicinity of the object for prolonged periods have developed auditory hallucinations while near the object, mainly the sound of grinding and clicking. The sound intensifies, and is abated only by throwing metal into the object. Subjects in advanced states of psychosis have thrown themselves into the object, resulting in almost instant death by crushing. The body is often drawn in, and impossible to recover.
SCP-882 was recovered from a location at the north-east coast of Banks Island. Area was barren of all metal and metallic ore in a one mile radius. SCP-882 was found at the geometric center of the area. SCP-882 had become submerged in seawater at the time of discovery. A small town was found nearby, abandoned for several years. SCP-882 was removed, and shortly started to flake off rust, causing the varied parts to begin motion. After several accidents, SCP-882 was cut down and contained on site.


All credit goes to http://www.scp-wiki.net .

SnoopyTheFudge's Blog - Featured SCPs of the SCP Foundation (Vol.2)

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11. SCP-455 (by Dr Gears): Cargo Ship
  • SCP-455 sits in the water, the waves pounding out a dull thudding against its rusted hull.

SCP-455 is a large cargo ship currently run aground on the southern coast of Chile. Most of its structure is underwater and badly damaged, with rust coating 85 to 90 percent of all surfaces. Internal structure appears to be significantly larger than external dimensions, and is not flooded despite large holes visible on outer hull.
Internal structure appears to be a random assembly of rooms, halls, and structures. Initial salvage teams reported rooms made of human teeth, an engine with tendon strips for timing belts, a hall extending for 182.88 m (600 ft) beyond where the outer hull should terminate, an open "gym" room with steel walls as pliant as taffy, and numerous audio and visual hallucinations. Team was lost after reporting entry to "central navigation." Rescue team lost after reporting the investigation of "screaming" in a cargo section.
Dr. ███████████████ has suggested the use of robots to map the interior of SCP-455 after the failure of several manned exploration teams.

12. SCP-611 (by TroyL): Parasitic Toothpick
  • Nature's oral fixation deterrent.

SCP-611 was first discovered in ██████, New Mexico in 20██. A group of tourists recently returning from ███████ contacted a local dentist concerning severe tooth and jaw pain. The doctor, discovering the infestation, contacted the Center for Disease Control, at which time the Foundation stepped in and took over. After extracting the larvae from the tourist group, Foundation operatives traced SCP-611 back to the ██████████ restaurant, which had unwittingly played host to them for over a month. Class-A Amnesiacs were administered to all restaurant employees and all infected patrons that could be located. Most larvae were removed in time, though some had already caused extensive damage. Over ██ deaths caused by subsequent infection were believed to have occurred.
SCP-611 is a previously undiscovered subspecies of Dermatobia hominis, the human botfly. It camouflages itself, appearing as a common toothpick, and will attempt to land near or actually in a supply of the objects, at which point it will shed its wings and enter a passive state. It can remain in this dormant condition for up to forty days before cessation of life signs. SCP-611 will lay eggs in the gums of a subject when used. Hosts notice no signs of invasion until four to seven days later when the eggs hatch and burrow into the jaw, causing severe discomfort.
The larvae cause sharp, continual pain and, if left untreated, can cause death by opening wounds for infection. The larvae will eventually consume enough to enter a pupae stage unseen in other botflies. Its body will harden and lengthen, eventually punching through the skin of the host. At this point, SCP-611 will take to the air and search for others of its kind with which to mate. The primary adult stage of SCP-611's life only lasts 72 hours at maximum, suggesting that there may be a larger presence of SCP-611 in ███████ than previously thought.
I removed the image because it is fucking disgusting. Go see it here.

SCP-611 Infesting Human Mouth
SCP-611 appears to be hermaphroditic, with no discernible difference between between male and female members of the species. This is largely unheard of for insects, adding to the suspicion that SCP-611 might not be a naturally occurring phenomenon.
The highly specific nature of SCP-611’s adaptation to an invention only in use for a few hundred years is also highly suspect. Further testing is recommended to determine if this is a natural case of expedited evolution or a case of an engineered species.

13. SCP-165 (by FritzWillie): Creeping Hungry Sands of Tule
  • One of the oldest articles on the site, and has some of the best images. Will make you think twice about that sand box.

The organic component of SCP-165 resembles that of typical parasitic mites, seven hundred fifty (750) micrometers in length, with eight (8) legs and a genetic structure similar to the house dust mite. The main difference is the hermit-crab-like behavior of attaching grains of sand to its back. It is unknown what purpose the sand serves, but the massive colony of SCP-165 numbers in the hundreds of billions to possibly trillions, creating a rather large dune.

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An electron microscope image of SCP-165
The similarities between [DATA EXPUNGED] and SCP-165 are only superficial. [DATA EXPUNGED]'s colony is protozoan in nature and apparently shows a collective intelligence and awareness that is not understood. SCP-165's colony is made up of individual Acari who don't show cooperation but rather competition in the hunt for food. Like mosquitoes, they rely on chemical detection of carbon dioxide and sugars in the air to detect prey. The Acari mites roll and bound over one another toward prey, only using their legs to climb over one another. When in contact with the flesh of animals, they release a numbing chemical toxin in their bite, similar in make-up to that of mosquito and flea bite toxins. Subjects are typically unaware that millions of mites are 'taking turns' at grabbing mouthfuls of its flesh as they swarm around their victim.

A typical swarm resembles a swirling vortex around a victim or victim's appendage. The SCP-165 colony is efficient enough in their competitive swarming that most animals' appendages can be de-fleshed and reduced to bone within minutes. The numbing toxin is so effective that sleeping victims may not wake up as their limbs are eaten away.




The Acari mites are resistant to all but the most dangerous of pesticides. They retreat from heat and will often seek shade when available, being the most active during the night, hunting for large sleeping prey. Their vulnerability to heat is the most preferable technique for containment.

14. SCP-149 (by Arlecchino): The Blood Flies
  • Feel that itching? The one that started at the small, red bump on your arm and slowly worked its way up? That heavy, stuffy feeling in your nose? It's not allergies.

SCP-149 is a breed of mosquito which carries a strain of retrovirus (herein referred to as SCP-149-A) that mutates regenerating human cells into fertilized mosquito eggs. SCP-149-A is injected directly into the bloodstream when SCP-149 feeds. The SCP-149-A quickly works on the nucleus of the cells, warping the DNA. The first set of cells bred from these changed instructions closely resemble cysts, and are concentrated in the lining of the esophagus and the sinuses. Upon dissection, however, these 'cysts' are revealed to be filled with SCP-149's larvae, the cysts acting as a protective casing against external forces. SCP-149 appears to go through its maturation cycle in a matter of hours; by the time the subject is able to feel any effects, the first generation of SCP-149 has already grown inside the subject's body. SCP-149 primarily achieves exodus through the mouth and nostrils, occasionally being diverted through the Sphenoid sinuses to escape through the eye sockets. Infection by SCP-149 is fatal, and chance of infection has been estimated to be 50% from one bite.

15. SCP-003 (by thedeadlymoose): Biological Motherboard
  • Pulsing veins carry data, while the strange, chitinous surface flexes and moves almost imperceptibly, as if stretching to find a more comfortable position.

SCP-003 consists of two related components of separate origin, referred to as SCP-003-1 and SCP-003-2.
SCP-003-1 appears to be composed of chitin, hair, and nails of unknown biology similar to SCP-████ and SCP-████, arranged in a configuration similar to that of a computer motherboard. Testing reveals SCP-003-1 to predate earliest known circuit boards by a factor of thousands of years. SCP-003-1 is considered sentient but not actively dangerous except under certain conditions.
SCP-003-1 was found on a stone tablet, SCP-003-2, on which it currently resides. The runes on SCP-003-2 are not part of any known language, and emit pale, flickering light patterns.
SCP-003-2 is controlled by a (non-biological) internal computer, the contents of which are mostly inaccessible without risk of damaging SCP-003-2. SCP-003-2 is capable of controlled emissions of radiation, including heat, light, and anomalous radiation types. SCP-003-2 contains an internal power source of an anomalous nature, which appears to have been losing power since several centuries before discovery.
It is considered probable that SCP-003-2 was created for the purpose of containing SCP-003-1. Partially interpreted data recovered from SCP-003-2 may refer to a past and/or potential future LK-class restructuring event caused by SCP-003-1.
SCP-003 was located by remote viewing team SRV-04 Beta. It appears possible that SRV-04 Beta was deliberately contacted by SCP-003-2. Other organizations have also been alerted to SCP-003's existence, possibly by similar means. Despite this activity, SCP-003-2 does not appear to be sentient, based on its lack of reaction to M03-Gloria analysis and procedures.
When SCP-003 drops below the temperature of 35°C, both components react.
First, SCP-003-1 enters a growth state characterized by an exponential increase in mass. This growth state consists of two stages. In both stages, SCP-003-1 partially fuels its growth by converting matter around it, starting with any surrounding inorganic material, including atmospheric elements, then nonliving organic material, including cells of dead skin, hair, chitin, enamel, keratin, and other biological materials.
The first stage is always the same. SCP-003-1 will first increase its mass, then take a form similar in shape to an ophiuroid (brittle star) of fifteen meters in diameter (including what appears to be a central processor of three meters in diameter). It will form sensory organs that appear to scan its surrounding environment, and will partially convert the area around it to an unidentified anomalous substance (SCP-003-2 seems immune from conversion).
The second stage describes a growth alteration which occurs when SCP-003 comes into contact with living organic material; SCP-003 appears to "template" itself off of the organic material, and will attempt communication with organisms that match its initial "template" or "templates".
In its second stage, SCP-003-1 may pause, slow or change its growth, and will also convert inorganic and nonliving organic elements into functionally similar structures while anomalously altering their physical makeup.
While growth is consistent in the first stage, in the second stage SCP-003-1's growth rate is diminished by 20-90% so long as SCP-003-1 remains in contact with living organic material. The percentage is determined by the complexity of the organism(s) in contact with SCP-003-1; SCP-003-1 appears to devote a large amount of processing power to analysis of living organic material.
During each of SCP-003-1's growth stages, SCP-003-2 releases bursts of radiation that temporarily inhibit SCP-003-1's growth, or reverse this growth when the temperature of SCP-003-1 rises above 100°C. Similar radiation emissions have been replicated or recorded via other anomalous means.

16. SCP-597 (by name): The Mother of the All
  • Happy Mother's Day!

SCP-597 is a blob of flesh approximately 5.8m (19ft) high, and 10.67m (35ft) wide, although this measurement changes slightly when it moves, or the substances expand and ripple. All over its body, mostly located on its rolls, are hundreds and hundreds of teats, of various colors and sizes. Whenever a mammal is released into its cell, it will be drawn to the corresponding teat for its species and then proceed to suckle as long as they are unimpeded. The milk released will be identical in every way to the makeup of the subject's mother's, although able to sustain the subject's nutritional needs indefinitely. While the fluid is the same as normal milk chemically, for some reason, whether it be an effect of the SCP or an unknown quality of the substances it excretes, any full-grown mammal that would normally require more can survive to the end of their normal lifespan give or take a few years, simply by suckling at the nipple, although their teeth will fall out, their muscle will atrophy due to lack of use (the subjects will curl up as close as possible on the side, lay under the SCP [there have been reports of suffocation], or immerse themselves and dive into the flesh itself) and stomach problems are presented because of the all-liquid diet.
Milk taken in a bottle does not have the same results, although those already affected by SCP-597 will fall under a quasi-hypnotic hold when presented with a container, will do anything to possess it, and find drinking it very gratifying.
Those in charge of bottling the liquid have the urge to use a rubber teat for feeding babies as a cover, even when a normal lid will suffice, and will attempt to do so even when informed that it is in violation of dangerous materials protocol, not being an airtight seal.
The urge to suckle is a mental, physical, and sexual compulsion. Lower lifeforms cannot resist at all. Humans have a difficult time. Those in SCP-597's presence describe it as a "mental pull" leading us to the conclusion that it is partially telepathic, although it also obviously appeals to deep instincts and is hormonal as well; endorphins associated with breast-feeding and material comfort are released. Those who do give in do so in a mad rush, all restraint broken at once, or a slow ritual, commonly involving bowing, kneeling, crawling, and chanting. They are reduced quickly to an infantile state, and within one hour lose all linguistic abilities, intellectual capabilities, and willpower. Before complete loss of brain function it is said to be highly comforting and pleasurable, and they say they feel safe, "like never before". Before and after contact is made, there are reports of strong feelings associated with vague images and recollections and sensations, all traced back to the womb or crib, often centered around remembrance of their parents' smell and facial appearance. [DATA EXPUNGED] █████ ███████████████ █████ █████ █████ ██ retarded blind [DATA EXPUNGED] permanently attached [DATA EXPUNGED]
[DATA EXPUNGED]
Those who watch are also influenced, although in lesser or different ways. Increased pettiness, regression to childish states, extreme immaturity, decreased bowel control, fetishization, promiscuity, and even reports of public masturbation have all been noted. Staff's IQ, focus, and rationality all drop significantly over a period of time with SCP-597, and they often will fight with each other over silly things, such as objects or perceived insults, be wracked with laughing and crying fits, be unable to resolve problems in an adult way, and lose the ability to control their emotions. After four to five weeks, it is impossible for them to function in a work setting, and they all communicate with each other with a series of grunts, coos, and short confused sentences. Attention should also be paid to the fact that the employees' name for the object degenerates from the official title, "SCP-597" to "The Mother", then to just "Mother", then "Mom", "Mommy" "Mum", and so forth, often ending in sucking, blowing, or kissing sounds as the representation. Also of interest is that almost immediately strong oral fixations will develop or resurface. Those who quit smoking will start again (100% occurrence) and the chewing of gum, snacking, gluttony, nail and lip biting, and hair chewing, rises as well, almost to the point of psychosis; there are deadly weight gains, choking incidents, balls or clumps of human material obstructing the digestive system, murders over food (the vending machine is often completely empty), and dental and health problems. Doctors and personnel in the area of effect, even those entering for a few moments will find themselves absentmindedly putting something in their mouth without realizing it. Observation of the employees in their homes or private lives also reveals [DATA EXPUNGED], often to the point of only being aroused by [DATA EXPUNGED]
Men with already unstable or fragile egos find a strengthening in Oedipal Complexes, often to dangerous levels; three employees have raped and murdered [DATA EXPUNGED] These same personality types also enjoy [DATA EXPUNGED] and request access to SCP-597 for that purpose. Unfortunately, although this behavior is not encouraged, those with this disease are many, too many to take a moral or ideological stance and completely restrict the activity without losing the needed number of workers. A good number are also high-level personnel, although revelation of their identity is forbidden, and requires clearing the area and disabling the camera feeds so they can perform the act (which is not allowed to go over an hour, or separation will cause seizures and homicidal tantrums). Specific procedures for sexual visits can be found in See Document 597-XD-12

17. SCP-5555-J (by DrBright): The Chibinator
  • Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.

This one's page is a little weird... I didn't really know what the hell to put here so here is the link: http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-5555-j

18. SCP-517 (by Dexanote): Grammie Knows
  • Of course she knows, dearie. Come and let Grammie put your mind to rest…

SCP-517 is a fortune-telling machine. Item stands approximately 2 meters tall, containing a mechanical puppet and an electric candle within a glass and wooden case. Examination has shown an internal layout consistent with similar machines. On the top panels the words "Grandmother Predictions" are painted on built-in signage. The puppet within is in the shape of an elderly woman, with a white blouse and a blue shawl. Item's power cord has been severed approximately 15 centimeters from its base; it appears to have been inexpertly separated from its original power source. No reaction occurs if a coin is inserted into the slot.
The item will energize automatically, once an hour, if an individual (hereafter the "Target") enters its field of vision. The puppet will turn to face directly at the Target, dispense a "fortune card" from the slot on its front, and cease function. Process is fully mechanical, and item does not show signs of awareness. See Addendum for a transcript for examples of "fortunes".
The individual who "activated" SCP-517 will become the Target of an entity or number of entities who will attack at 1:43 AM local time the following morning. The Entity or Entities (hereby SCP-517-01) appear as a varying number of long, multi-jointed arms (between ten and three dozen), initially appearing from a single area. Arms seem to be completely corporeal, and can apparently extend indefinitely. Entity will immediately rush towards and attempt to grab and capture the Target or Targets. If the hunt is made sufficiently challenging, additional arms will begin to constantly generate in close proximity to the victim in order to facilitate an easier capture.
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Still from D-3277's head-mounted videocamera during Test 517-34c. Image taken shortly before SCP-517-01 destroyed outdoor floodlights. ██/██/1994.
Chosen areas are usually low, cramped, dark areas such as basements or closets, and will not shift during a given assault. In all instances, Targets have been captured, rapidly dragged into SCP-517-01's chosen area, and savagely beaten until sunrise. Entity has been documented reaching from the ventilation system of an office building, drawing a Target into a drop-ceiling, pulling a Target under a bed, and drawing a Target through a sewage grate. Any attempts to intrude on this event will result in human aggressors being drawn into the assault. The remains of victims are reduced to [REDACTED]. To date there have been no survivors.
If more than one individual activates the item in the span of one day, all will become Targets of the following night's assault. SCP-517-01 will appear from multiple areas while "hunting" multiple Targets. However, due to the resultant chaos during the test (517-34c) in which this was discovered, all measures are to be taken to avoid multiple activations.
Remote viewing of the expected points of origin of SCP-517-01 during testing revealed arms extending from points around corners and otherwise off-camera, eventually crowding out the video feed. Fragmented, unidentified human DNA has appeared in the areas utilized by SCP-517-01; ultimate origins are still currently unknown.

19. SCP-713 (by Photosynthetic): Click Anywhere Computer
  • Right-click, copy, paste, delete… Hmm… I wonder if this thing has solitaire….

SCP-713 is a desktop personal computer running Windows 95. It bears no external manufacturer’s markings, but internal inspection reveals it to be composed entirely of hardware commercially available in the late 1990s. The keyboard and mouse connectors are soldered into their sockets, and there are no ports available for peripherals except the monitor. The computer has no Internet capability. The hard drive contains assorted commercially available software, including [DATA EXPUNGED] office suite, [DATA EXPUNGED] image-editing software, and Solitaire.
SCP-713's mouse may be used to move its cursor off the screen. The cursor does not change size or appearance, remaining two-dimensional (though capable of moving in three dimensions; the scroll wheel controls the z-direction) and resembling a light projection without an apparent source. It may be used to "click and drag" individual items. Dragged objects' size and mass do not seem to impede it: it has demonstrated the ability to exert forces of at least 150 kN. Care must be taken in use of the object, as sudden flicks of the wrist coupled with poorly-timed release of the left mouse button have resulted in damage to the containment room's walls.
The right mouse button does not appear to function when the cursor is outside the monitor. However, when the word-processing program is open on the monitor, left-clicking on a sheet of writing material produces a cursor like that of a word processor. Typing then results in letters, in composition apparently identical to the cursor although [DATA EXPUNGED], appearing on the writing material. They linger as long as the computer is operating, disappear when it is shut down, and reappear upon restarting the computer and re-opening the word processor. The image-editing software's effects are similar, though much broader in scope. The Solitaire game may be played using ordinary playing cards.
Every effort must be made to avoid crashing SCP-713. When the machine locks up, its cursor either disappears immediately, dropping any held object, or [DATA EXPUNGED] consistent with crushing forces of over ████ kN. Other error types have commensurately more damaging results. See experiment logs and incident reports for further details.

20. SCP-919 (by Lat Ware): Needy Mirror
  • "N-no… Please don't go! Please! You don't understand what you're doing! Don't leave me! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!"

SCP-919 appears to be an ordinary, full length mirror in excellent condition.
Once a subject has been in front of SCP-919 for 15 seconds, the reflection breaks synchronization and begs for the subject not to leave. The reflection appears to be completely self-aware, and has shown to have access to all of the subject's memories. When the subject makes any move to leave, the reflection quickly becomes hysterical. Once the subject is no longer in a place where they can be reflected by SCP-919, the reflection screams and violently disintegrates. Repeated exposures to the same subject have shown that the reflection is cognizant of what happened to it before.
SCP-919 was discovered after an incident in the town of █████████, ███████. The owner of SCP-919 had apparently died of dehydration. It is unclear as to when SCP-919 came into the owner's possession, or what caused it to become active, if it wasn't already. Local authorities were eager to get rid of SCP-919.
While SCP-919 has proved invulnerable to damage, its effective range can be neutralized by merely covering it. This results in the immediate disintegration of any reflection that has broken synchronization.
Multiple subjects being exposed to SCP-919 behave as expected. Each individual reflection breaks synchronization and disintegrates at the appropriate time. The use of additional mirrors has been shown to extend SCP-919's active range.
Also worth note is that SCP-919 has no ability for memetic contamination. Its apparent control over individuals is entirely verbal persuasion.

I'm a Regular Reginald Яose - I Still Can't Get Through "Almost Famous"

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So yeah, let's start from the beginning. When I was little, there were these places called "video rental stores" that sold these things called "VHS"s and, later on, DVDs. Almost Famous came out in 2000, and the most I knew about it was that I couldn't tell the cover apart from..err...whatever in the world this is:

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Not that I even cared. Every time I visited one of these video stores as a kid my biggest concern was renting Pokemon The Movie 3: The-, Like the One with Entei and the Kid and Ash's Mom, Like Y'know, the Good One and trying to not look directly at the cover of Child's Play 3 because I didn't like getting nightmares.

So, yeah, fast-forward to 2014 and I've only heard peripheral stuff about Almost Famous. It's about a guy who meets the girl with the sunglasses that say "Almost Famous" on them and goes off and follows this band around or something and gets on the wild side of life and all that stuff, I think. Some people on the internet refer to this girl as a "pixie girl" which apparently is supposed to be bad but I heard it's a good movie anyway.

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Actual, unaltered screenshot from the film.

So yeah, also I follow Andrew Stanton on Twitter (like not in the traditional way, but I have some people's Twitters in my bookmarks despite not having a Twitter myself). I fucking love Andrew Stanton; he's my favorite screenwriter working today (yeah, I forgive him for John Carter) and I hang on every recommendation he has to offer. So yeah, one day he tweets about how much he likes Almost Famous (the theatrical cut) as he's revisiting it.

So yeah, I was curious. Since the only Blu-ray release was of the Extended Cut and the DVD was like $4 on Amazon I just ordered that. It was delivered, I put it in and after a few scenes I just...zoned out. I put it on mute (or maybe just really low volume idk) and did some computer stuff and when I turned around, it was like in the middle of the movie or something so I ejected the DVD and put it away for another time. To this day I've never felt in the mood to resume it even though I've heard it's on Netflix streaming now (though I think that was the extended version too, booooooo...).

haey oS, there you have it. I made a blog. Now that dude with Snoopy with the MLG shit in his avatar can make another blog entry without two of his entries next to each other. I expect you to donate 10,000 chewbucks to me for this. Pay up, sus.

-Tug

The Weekly Furnessly - The (unofficial) Members of Recognition

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Hello once again.

With the CloudFlare error coming up on 24th June (and a thought that the website has gone), it seems that Youchew is changing. While my plans to leave aren't too sure, it is going to be a break. For how long, I don't know. One thing for sure, it wouldn't be until I feel right to come back. Then again I haven't been right on this forum no matter what era.

So instead of repeating my well known by now problems that I face, decided to instead put something uplifting for once. Remember way back during the Youchews the Winner that made my post? If you haven't that is completely understandable then I put my honest opinion regarding members of the forum. So I thought why not do it again but this time not for an award but for their recognition for not just the forum but in some ways personally too.

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WARNING: Sorry that I had to do that but thought that I put it down. To be honest, I haven't really spoken to many people directly and the last time I contacted someone [a few PMs aside] via MSN [now gone] or Skype was 2012, after what happened was just too upsetting to continue and unable to talk since. Even when I did use MSN and Skype, much of the time I was and still am too shy so not much was spoken. So it was basically hi, how are you, long gap, bye pretty much. A recent example was actually the Nintendo E3 event when I only managed one line and not a good one either. At least I tried is all that I can say.

With that WARNING out of the picture, let's start:

MrDrunkenFox

It has been years since I've ever spoke to him but he was the first person regarding Youchew outside of Conrad [the big boss of 2007] that had a loose connection so that alone deserves some recognition. His videos were one of earliest away from the usual suspects that were entertaining and still remember CaptainFleaSam or MEIN POOPKIN. Trying to remember he was friendly but also honest on his opinions, like if he didn't like something he would mention it. Plus I always remember his Nazi Tails avatar so if I see that [all things considering is pretty rare these days for obvious reasons, upsetting Germans for one], reminded of him.

I can't remember whether it was him or Miss10 who I first spoke to, it wasn't much though.

Fun fact: MrDrunkenFox is my first and only person who I have on my PSN account. Us two actually played a game together my first and so far only online multiplayer match.

DaftPunkYoshi

He was the closest person that I was talking to on MSN, well second closest. DaftPunky was always friendly to me and actually gotten on very well. DaftPunky? Back then I gave certain people personal nicknames like Foxy [MrDrunkenFox] and Missy [Miss10] if their name was long and didn't end with a y, so calling him DaftPunky just made sense and kinder than DPY [unless space limitations].

I remember when he was disliked on the forum just because he liked Sonic Underground (it is okay but has its problems, animation is good though) and faulty memory aside, decided to take a chance since he seemed nice enough and actually enjoyed his videos that he made as well as his personality. Even made a video where we both worked together to make it rather like RetroJape and SuperYoshi, wasn't the only thing either. In some ways we were sort of close in terms of personality on a couple of things too. I wouldn't think that he become a mod considering the uncertain times on the forum but really glad that he did. Not just a mod, but also making music and even some graphical art too.

When I stopped making videos, I noticed, I noticed that different things that lookalike he started getting into 80s anime and house music that isn't a problem since I'm all for expanding your horizons but felt that we started to get further and further apart. Even though in 2015 we are more different than ever (he became a popular mod here and well liked, I am on a deep decline since 2012 sadly like Sonic at the moment) I still respect him and does a good job on what he does.

Markie

Markie, Markie, Markie. Even though we haven't even talked at all to my knowledge, you always seem to spot me somehow. Sorry that I've never managed to say hi back to you so might as well give you the opportunity to say hi back. While I don't know you well, rubbish tennis match aside (on my side, your stuff was all right) apart from that you like Ridge Racer/some PS1 games and Voltres V so old school anime like DPY then? Also believe that he along with Crash made INCREDIBLE LASER SWORD so I'll remember that. Well more than that pancake video anyway. Also anyone who made a video and has actually done a better job than I'll ever done is worth some recognition there. Honestly I really liked your Simply Simple video.

zacheatscrackers

zach. Even though we never spoke (see a pattern here?), I always felt that the older you got, the more maturer you got starting from young and immature to someone while can still get jokey now and again (which is a good thing) knows what to do. Anyone who had a car accident and survived is a lucky escape considering the constant horror stories of people getting killed especially near where I live on a motorway called the M62 where it is dangerous. I feel very sorry for what happened. One question. Why do you want to know more about me? I feel very greatful that you do but I'm no role model Zach with lots of problems. It is like getting family advice from Batman or Max Payne.

I know you mention about Steam and Skype however I am just too shy to talk... Sorry.

NegroTed

Speaking of Batman and Max Payne (who he likes both), Ted I always like for his personality but what I also like is that he is honest on what he says. If something is wrong, he just says it without any sugar coating like this moment here. Along with Baz, he is another member where while I don't have a sense of humour, I can recognise Ted's jokey posts and sometimes give me a smile, even better if Intermission, Whelt or Baz get into the act due to the banter. If I could laugh, I would blooming would.

I do feel sorry for him since all he wanted to be a family man with a loving wife and kids and that has mostly been taken away from him (really greatful that he still has a opportunity to see his son, since some people wouldn't let it happen). I can honestly hope that Ted's life will get better in the future.

SeductiveBaz

Even though I don't have a sense of humour, Baz always finds a way. Nearly every post he does is somehow entertaining or to make certain people look a bit silly like the Hoff or Pele [that old erection advert comes to my mind before his football career]. I miss his double act with TangerineImpz, it's like Ted and Intermission/Ing, Regan and Carter, Starsky and Hutch since sometimes I remember Tang was like Baz with his posts and Bob Barr. He should really be a comedian but then again...

Saying that Baz was also involved in many Internet related capers whether it was Sonic Cult or 4chan and created some well known moments such as Hulk Hogan, the Sonic Joke Book thread and many more, that alone deserves recognition.

Crazy Luigi

One of the few sports fans on the forum that alone making him more unique when compared to the majority of the forum (can only think of Captpan with baseball, King Supersepiroth with American football and wrestling if that counts, Steg with football and Formula 1, even myself with PDC darts). He is part of writing staff, a section that I used to be in and a friendly face. Not only does he write well mixing info with humour in his articles but he is also an interviewer, they are interesting to read and also feels like a successor to both Conrad and RabbitSnore who both did a fair share of interviews.

AGSMA

Unfortunate. Foghorn Leghorn. Looney Tunes Space Race. Some of the many things that he said over the years, AGSMA is the only member from Portugal [to my knowledge] and has come a long way since his beginnings to a knowledgeable but yet approachable person on the forum. What I also like is not just his passion in animation and spotting minor details but also managed to work on a game. He is currently working on the art side of a popular source mod on Steam and to anyone who is working on a game, I give them honour and respect. Seriously though, if I had the opportunity, I would thank everyone who worked on various games including our own mrSimon.

JezMM

Most members wouldn't know who he is unless they have been on the forum on the first year since he left shortly after. He is most well known of drawing people, mainly women and even gasp porn [Furnessly does not look at the latter, it isn't my cup of tea]! While he does his own stuff that looks good, he has also done commissions and art trades. Say does this character remind me of Girla? Also like Dopp, he married someone who was also online. I know it is a bit strange however any artist of Youchew past and present really deserves an award.

YamiMario

The only member from Denmark, like ASGMA and Mastero Snail has surprisingly fitted in very well. I really like his drawings especially his recent Sally one and his characters, plus he is friendly on the forum especially with Fiddle. Sorry that it was rather brief since he isn't a regular on the forum.

Fiddlesticks

Fiddle for food staff. Thanks to her, every year the forum does a food staff vs the fasting staff of Ramadan. While she isn't as regular as in the past, she is quite approachable and also goes to conventions. Also she has really really improved her art from what was really a purple Sonic but at least had a skirt into her own designs. Yes, I also written this in purple, perhaps not the right tone and impressed that she remembers the purple colour code everytime.

DiscoGlacier

DG is one of the more regular members on the forum and to me is also one of the most friendliest members, I can't recall apart from perhaps a couple of times when losing your cool. This person talks about what the activities that I find interesting like eating Asian cuisine, posts in the image spams and also cosplays as well. This is going to be a case of bad wording but I think you manage to wear dresses and gowns very well, even looks good doing so. Like Fiddle, I wrote this pink but had to use your colour code.

(Like the dew example below, DiscoGlacier is transgender and as a result, the post is awkwardly worded due to that I'm not sure what gender you want to be referred to and really sorry about that. I am completely fine about stuff like this, just have to be sure that's all since it is hard to tell online whether it is trueful or not.)


Combuskenisawesome

Combusken is a member who isn't a regular so you don't get to see him as much. I respect his image editing skills especially when he used to do the Post Avatars on Pictures thread since when the thread was active, his stuff was one of the best out of that entire thread by the ways of editing the avatars to fit with the picture like colour correction, resizing and removing the whiteness that can occur.

Geibuchan

Geibu is highly praised by many people on this forum due to his videos and his personality. Now I confess that I haven't watched any of his videos however if lots of people like them then he must be doing a good job. He also draws and colours very well, sometimes better than the source material such as his work on Azumanga Daioh making it look more animated. Like Combusken, he is also a very good image editor too such as editing frames from the CDI games to create new poses of the King.

I am honestly surprised that he managed to upvote some of my posts, I know it is a small thing however I see upvotes as thanks (thanks to my previous haunt Spriters Resource and the fresh start a couple of years back) so I'm a bit touched.

Fretless

Now I don't know him very much so I'll be very brief. I really like his artwork having an easy on the eye style as well as all of his characters that he made, seems friendly enough and seems to play a bunch of games especially on the Sony side. He also did a few community events such as the E3 bingo.

HotFriedSkadoosh

Like Fretless, I'll be very brief. HFS seems friendly and like Fretless has done a comic series, the most recent was the GEE, I GUESS one (parodying GI Joe). He also (under the help of someone else) actually funfilled my request and felt touched about it. Thanks very much for the picture below:

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Dopply

One of the big bosses of YouChew, at least in the past. For someone who was a teenager on the forum and yet running the place, I think that he has done very well. Plus he was learning his mistakes as he was maturing even though I did find you friendly, just with your course humour that's all. With the cock and ball jokes. I'm sure that I annoyed you even though I did try to talk to you in the past and sometimes a bit like Dillrod (a member that the younger members wouldn't know, he was an anime/manga fan who liked Sailor Jupiter/Makoto Kino and he kickstarted the Youchew Sailor Moon fan club and got TINS out of that closet), tried talking to him but wouldn't respond without any indicator. Well, at least when people think of Youchew, they think of Dopp considering that you also push various community based projects such as your Sonic Adventure 2 challenge. Hope you and your wife are okay despite the problems that you are having at the moment but at least you are trying your best to sort them out.

Whelt

One of the most active members on the forum, he also seems to post everywhere. Chances are think of a section and he'll be there whether he has Wario, King Koopa or some other mug as a avatar with his posts or pictures. To be honest, I don't think he likes me or have a feeling that I annoyed him and can think of few moments that happened. I tried talking to him in the past but I just can't get it right at all... So yeah a member that I can't break but really glad that he is here.

Maestro Snail

The only Norwegian member on the forum to my knowledge and even if he isn't, he's one of the most active members on the forum. I actually find it amazing that he managed to fit into the forum despite a good chunk of the members are American and they wouldn't understand some stuff from Norway. Apart from that he is also very friendly yet has a sense of humour, sometimes can get pretty strange judging by his drawings. Can go as far as saying that he is one of the most friendliest people here.

Lord Smeargle

When I think of Australia, all I can think of are negatives (thanks to that Border Security show that's on TV). My perception is that they are racist especially towards the Chinese, really paranoid about being clean [sometimes I wonder if someone got fined for sneezing], snooping around anything or everything and a government that is like the worst of the UK with the worst of the US with censorship among other things. Even a Peppa Pig episode got banned and Peppa is one of the most tamest shows on TV. Also strangely how most of them online are really into anime from my observations, one on another website was really into JoJo's Bizarre Adventure/HunterXHunter plus Dieathan here too. To me Lord Smeargle doesn't remind me of this [anime aside] but rather the positives of the country like the sunny weather and two great Mad Max movies. I think he is also into anime judging by previous avatars or at least uses of the many styles of it but that doesn't bother me. Also looking into his profile looks a lot like Touhou so I'm guessing he is into the bullet hell series or at least the characters.

Even though he doesn't post very much or maybe because he posts in sections that rarely look at like the image spams, the things he has said seems friendly enough and has a good eye at spotting out of context images or indeed good looking art work. The good looking Australian indeed.

Also I like that his expertise is so niche but also knowledgeable regarding VHS tapes when someone like myself prefers Blu-rays [only because I want the highest quality that's all], it is still interesting from what is on the tape, the quality of it, where it came from, comparison if he has more than one of the same movie and goes into vast detail that I really like. My hunch is that thanks to his blog, he is also causing an interest of VHS tapes considering the recent thread. I honestly surprised that there hasn't been tape collectors like records or retro games but I suppose it is getting towards that point and really thankful that Smeargle is kickstarting this movement.

Now for the poop tennis cafe:

RabbitSnore

Rabbit was the Big Boss [Metal Gear reference] of Youchew in 2008-09 along with TINS however he along with Crash and NS2 kickstarted the poop tennis cafe while also being one of the writers for the site so he had a lot on his plate. He had a balance between serious yet also silly sometimes but also friendly, helpful and respectable rather like Don Corleone [the person that I want to be, Max Payne is who I nearly am]. So while he had an intelligent post, next thing would be a one liner or a picture of a rabbit. Many of the younger members won't know who he is but for someone who has been on the forum for a long time, he was influencial. I was in the first tennis cafe that he set up, still remember the time when he gave members Liquid Orgasm. He was also the only member who warned me regarding someone way back in 2009 and he was right three years later! So I thank him for realising that you can't trust people that you thought that you knew. I wonder how life is treating him since it has been a long time since he left.

Fun fact: Rabbit was the one that brought me back to Youchew after Conrad left. Originally I wasn't going to come back here until he offered me a post on News Staff. An offer that I couldn't refuse and accepted the bribe despite that I'm not a very good writer at all.

Emperor Ing

Again like Rabbit, he is a staff member however he spent some time there with RAK, so he counts. Ing is an intelligent person who also likes a bit of fun too. First time I saw him was during the split between Youchew and Planet Freedom where he had ROGAS from the Planet of the Apes cartoon. From there he went from strength to strength especially when he teamed up with RAK and picking out the Godfrey Ho ninja movies. I also like that he is into more obscurer games like shmups, Taito stuff, older Sega stuff and the Saturn, the latter reminding me of someone from other place. One of his videos is a deep inspiration to me still. Plus Ing's clashes with TheGreatTESM and Ted as well were a sight whenever they posted since there are entertaining.

MycroProcessor

JOLTOEN! 233 Apart from the amazing tennis matches that he done and to me still my favourite tennis player, Mycro is someone who I feel tries to push the boundaries of his work. Again like many members, he shows an intelligent side but also a silly side, the latter isn't shown as much on the forum but still possible to see. Done, vote. Also I still found it amazing that he actually explained the origins of 233, it was actually interesting to read.

Despite Mycro saying that he likes FM music and so do I, I haven't heard of his works apart from a couple of old music remixes that I liked so potentially he could be one of my favourite FM soundchip composers.

Crash2991

Most younger members wouldn't know who he is, even members from 2010 would struggle so I might as well explain. Crash was one of the earliest members in the tennis cafe along with NS2, Rabbit, myself and a couple of others. He was a mixture of comedic and often posted pictures from Sgt Frog and Tenchi Muyo [to my faulty memory] but occassionaly wrote and was old school when it came to making videos to the point where I think one of my favourite tennis matches was with him (Mycro being the other).

He is also a music composer as well and actually did an album called Chicken Sex that I still have (I wonder if DaftPunky was influenced by him?). Very greatfully he actually did me a song in a Sonic 3 style and a test song, both for the same project and are pretty good.

Last time I heard, his eyesight was really declining and has been a long time since he left so hope he is okay.

ChrisGendo

I make it small and quick since I didn't know him very well apart from that he and his gang (Morf, Captain, CreepahWeegie, Neoprene Junebug and a few others that I can't remember) were the kingpins of the cafe when poop tennis was losing its popularity and was trying their best to keep it going. Did feel touched when he tried to promote his forums and actually went on it for a bit since I was looking for another place to go but sadly didn't pan out. It has gone now after checking, think it was called Stumble into Gravity or something. I still remember his avatar from Bakemont... mont... story.

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I will always associate Gendo with that even if he is into different stuff now and Gendo I believe came from Neon Genesis Evangelion.

dew

While dew has some emotional problems (depression being the big one), it is only because of having a hard time at the moment. I really like the music that you made especially the fake game one, the drawings that you done, the few videos that I watched. I remember when you was called MountainDewMANN and hanged around the tennis cafe. Even talked to Skype a bit a long time ago and was actually friendly but then one day, you wanted to burn bridges with everyone for some reason and disappeared even though I did nothing wrong.

A shame that you had to go on the forum, I do welcome your return back if you decide to come back.

(In case people want to know why dew's part is awkwardly worded and short is because dew is transgender [as far as I know] that I have absolutely no problems with personally apart from the wording regarding he or she and which one dew prefers to be called really since I'm not completely sure. It is also bad to assume a gender since I've seen dew referred to both a he and a she. Also because English has no gender neutral pronouns that have been either around for a while like Spanish [su] or recent like in Sweden [hen].)

AshcrementVII

Again I don't know him very well but I am greatful that not only did he spot me in the cafe but also replied, I feel very touched and read it thanks. He could be considered a modern day Rabbit of the tennis cafe with his maturity but also willing to have a jokey moment or two (plus with a Big Boss avatar must mean that he also likes Metal Gear) and actually find amazing that someone is on the forum from Japan (and honestly there too, Yoshit also qualifies since he is in the Navy and mainly stationed there). Plus anyone who likes Lupin and company as well as Rattigan is okay with me.

Even some younger members deserve some notice:

Joosh

Again I don't know him very well but he seems to very friendly around the forum and has fitted in very well on the forum especially for someone who has only been here for nearly 2 years. I'm an old relic compared to him. He seems to be in anime that many on the forum likes as well as Hyperdimension Neptunia? Looking around the poop talk sections, he seems to be helpful giving people advice. Also has a sight for spotting Weird Animation pictures. Some people even want him to go as far as being a mod for the forum and while he may in the future have the ability to do so, the staff is like a syndicate being a case of who you know and the don't call us, we call you routine. It is about forum policy whether he is right for the job and that is something that I can't get into.

ravinrabbid123

ravin is one of the newer members on the forums and she has fitted in very well. She is very friendly towards members and even has a little joke now and again. I even go as far as saying that she is the English Miss10. Into Pokemon? Definite check. Problems with her mum? Check. Has the ability to draw pretty good? Check. Has a boyfriend who is into chivelry? Check.

Also anyone who works in Sainsburys has my deepest respects since it is a pretty good supermarket [Lidl being my other choice] and I would mention your looks except it well a bit creepy (even though in my argument a good 95% of the forum are lookers whether female or male, I'm one of the ugly ones and the reason why I haven't posted in the beautiful head thread) especially since you have a boyfriend (treat him very well and you should be considered very lucky to have one especially if he treats and cares for you very well back). My only concern is that I hope she treats her friends very well and with respect especially with LaVie CestLol, she seems to be doing just that but from previous experiences, you never know if she can change for the worst.

So there we have it. Sadly though, I don't have the ability to talk to any of those due to problems beyond my control (as well as a few members that wanted to include on the list but don't know their strengths like TheOneManBoxOffice, Axe, Yoshit and valkiriforce, even The Pope). I am really sorry if I missed anyone out, when a forum is as large as this there are bounds to be a few people that are forgotten especially members who have left the forum a long time ago. After all Youchew has been around for 8 years and actually still surprised that it is still around.

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SnoopyTheFudge's Blog - Candle Cove CreepyPastas

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I recently got this comment on my first CreepyPasta post:

I really like Candle Cove. Also Red Mist is a far more expanded version of squidwards suicide and provides some evidence.

I love reading CreepyPastas so I figured I'd give it a google search. The first result was an interesting story line that is written as if it was a forum thread... it is kind of hard to read when I copy and paste it so I would highy reccomend going and reading it here.

NetNostalgia Forum - Television (local) Skyshale033
Subject: Candle Cove local kid's show? Does anyone remember this kid's show? It was called Candle Cove and I must have been 6 or 7. I never found reference to it anywhere so I think it was on a local station around 1971 or 1972. I lived in Ironton at the time. I don't remember which station, but I do remember it was on at a weird time, like 4:00 PM. mike_painter65
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid's show? it seems really familiar to me…..i grew up outside of ashland and was 9 yrs old in 72. candle cove…was it about pirates? i remember a pirate marionete at the mouth of a cave talking to a little girl Skyshale033
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid's show? YES! Okay I'm not crazy! I remember Pirate Percy. I was always kind of scared of him. He looked like he was built from parts of other dolls, real low-budget. His head was an old porcelain baby doll, looked like an antique that didn't belong on the body. I don't remember what station this was! I don't think it was WTSF though. Jaren_2005
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid's show? Sorry to ressurect this old thread but I know exactly what show you mean, Skyshale. I think Candle Cove ran for only a couple months in '71, not '72. I was 12 and I watched it a few times with my brother. It was channel 58, whatever station that was. My mom would let me switch to it after the news. Let me see what I remember. It took place in Candle cove, and it was about a little girl who imagined herself to be friends with pirates. The pirate ship was called the Laughingstock, and Pirate Percy wasn't a very good pirate because he got scared too easily. And there was calliope music constantly playing. Don't remember the girl's name. Janice or Jade or something. Think it was Janice. Skyshale033
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid's show? Thank you Jaren!!! Memories flooded back when you mentioned the Laughingstock and channel 58. I remember the bow of the ship was a wooden smiling face, with the lower jaw submerged. It looked like it was swallowing the sea and it had that awful Ed Wynn voice and laugh. I especially remember how jarring it was when they switched from the wooden/plastic model, to the foam puppet version of the head that talked. mike_painter65
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid's show? ha ha i remember now too. ;) do you remember this part skyshale: "you have…to go…INSIDE." Skyshale033
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid's show? Ugh mike, I got a chill reading that. Yes I remember. That's what the ship always told Percy when there was a spooky place he had to go in, like a cave or a dark room where the treasure was. And the camera would push in on Laughingstock's face with each pause. YOU HAVE... TO GO... INSIDE. With his two eyes askew and that flopping foam jaw and the fishing line that opened and closed it. Ugh. It just looked so cheap and awful. You guys remember the villain? He had a face that was just a handlebar mustache above really tall, narrow teeth. kevin_hart
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid's show? i honestly, honestly thought the villain was pirate percy. i was about 5 when this show was on. nightmare fuel. Jaren_2005
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid's show? That wasn't the villain, the puppet with the mustache. That was the villain's sidekick, Horace Horrible. He had a monocle too, but it was on top of the mustache. I used to think that meant he had only one eye. But yeah, the villain was another marionette. The Skin-Taker. I can't believe what they let us watch back then. kevin_hart
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid's show? jesus h. christ, the skin taker. what kind of a kids show were we watching? i seriously could not look at the screen when the skin taker showed up. he just descended out of nowhere on his strings, just a dirty skeleton wearing that brown top hat and cape. and his glass eyes that were too big for his skull. christ almighty. Skyshale033
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid's show? Wasn't his top hat and cloak all sewn up crazily? Was that supposed to be children's skin?? mike_painter65
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid's show? yeah i think so. rememer his mouth didn't open and close, his jaw just slid back and foth. i remember the little girl said "why does your mouth move like that" and the skin-taker didn't look at the girl but at the camera and said "TO GRIND YOUR SKIN" Skyshale033
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid's show? I'm so relieved that other people remember this terrible show! I used to have this awful memory, a bad dream I had where the opening jingle ended, the show faded in from black, and all the characters were there, but the camera was just cutting to each of their faces, and they were just screaming, and the puppets and marionettes were flailing spastically, and just all screaming, screaming. The girl was just moaning and crying like she had been through hours of this. I woke up many times from that nightmare. I used to wet the bed when I had it. kevin_hart
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid's show? i don't think that was a dream. i remember that. i remember that was an episode. Skyshale033
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid's show? No no no, not possible. There was no plot or anything, I mean literally just standing in place crying and screaming for the whole show. kevin_hart
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid's show? maybe i'm manufacturing the memory because you said that, but i swear to god i remember seeing what you described. they just screamed. Jaren_2005
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid's show? Oh God. Yes. The little girl, Janice, I remember seeing her shake. And the Skin-Taker screaming through his gnashing teeth, his jaw careening so wildly I thought it would come off its wire hinges. I turned it off and it was the last time I watched. I ran to tell my brother and we didn't have the courage to turn it back on. mike_painter65
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid's show? i visited my mom today at the nursing home. i asked her about when i was littel in the early 70s, when i was 8 or 9 and if she remebered a kid's show, candle cove. she said she was suprised i could remember that and i asked why, and she said "because i used to think it was so strange that you said 'i’m gona go watch candle cove now mom' and then you would tune the tv to static and juts watch dead air for 30 minutes. you had a big imagination with your little pirate show."

SOURCE.

So that source was a little weird, but I actually found an entire wiki dedicated to this.

Candle Cove (TV Show)

Candle Cove was an American experimental puppet TV-show, aimed at children. It was originally going to be called "Pirate Place".

Locally produced in Ironton, Ohio, the show advertised itself as modestly trying to handle avantgarde educational contents through new techniques, both visual, artistic, and technical.

It apparently was loosely based on a short story called "The Nickerbocker's Tale" from 1767.
Early Previews


The first Candle Cove announcement was made on May 14th, 1968, at a local TV-News show, in a Chronicle about education in the city. An interview was held at the Visual Arts department of the University of Ohio with two students named Caroline Barker and Mary Prescott, who revealed themselves as working on a TV-show project involving puppetry called Candle Cove; according to Barker and Prescott, they were the ones comissioned on building the puppets; during the documental, some shots of puppet designs, drafts and even unfinished puppets were taken.

On January 12th, 1971, the Culture and Arts Note from the Local Network made the first announcement of the Candle Cove Premiere in a 12-minute interview with the executive producer of the show, Tom Thrives, and the director of the show's first episode, Lynn Huntington. In their speech, Candle Cove was a project that took 5 years to develop, and was expected to put "Kids and Educational Ohio TV" to the national top. The rest of the show after the pilot was directed by Emerson Grimes.
Pilot Episode (1971)


The launch was much anticipated by both kids and adults, and many educational critics expected to write a review of the first episode. It premiered on Channel 58 at Primetime (7 PM) on January 19th, with a live performance where the main characters and the concept of the show were presented. That 20-minute special (16-minutes in actual time, with a cut at the 14:20 minute mark to include advertising) was called "Welcome to Our Happy Ship" and was accompanied by a live audience.

The first reviews for the pilot episode were mixed. Most of the critics recognized a "potential heart-warming" attitude in the characters, but they complained about the "cheap" and "realistic" look of the puppets, with Alexis tanner from The Ironton Reporter calling them "disturbingly human" and "morbid". Other commentators dismissed the "bad" look of the puppets by saying that the show was "playing by its own rules" and considered that "plausible" since the purpose was "bending fantasy and reality in an integral way".

Talinka Staropoli, Ph. D. from the Ohio University Southern Campus, referred to the show as "a genuine original proposal" and predicted a good future for the show.
Season One (1971-1972)


Following some good reviews of the pilot, it was quickly greenlit a complete "first season" for the show consisting of 9 episodes, that were going to be produced weekly. However, the show was pushed to a schedule more adequate for kids, right after the Local News, at 4:30 p.m. No other episodes were broadcasted live. Instead, they were presented with two commercial cuts, previously recorded.
Season Two (1972)


The second season of Candle Cove was aired two months after the first, and consisted of an additional three episodes to the standard nine, bringing the total count to twelve episode in season two, and twenty one total episodes throughout the series. There were no major changes to the shows framework and it continued with the same themes. Oddly enough, by this time the last few episodes were not widely broadcast due to undisclosed reasons. This went generally unnoticed and unquestioned, leading to the belief that there had been only 9 episodes. The season also included the alleged "screaming episode".

SOURCE.

So now I have ventured to CreepyPasta...

Lullaby Rock: A Candle Cove Memoir
Just a little, in the right kind of way, kids enjoy being scared. They don’t find loud and horrific things fun, but if something gives off a vibe of the perfect proportion of creepiness, it will turn a child’s head and instead of triggering his uneasiness and cause him to back away, it instills in him a sense of adventure so that he may find out for certain if there really is anything from which to back away.
Candle Cove did that for me. Maybe it was the weird puppets. Maybe it was the themes of haunted caves, murderous pirates and skin-grinding skeletons. Maybe it was the weird camera and sound quality. Whatever it was, I was five years old in 1971 and caught the pilot one day while mom was out running errands, and thus the dial was mine to turn. I came upon the show and was instantly hooked.
I’ve been reading up recently, my curiosity re-ignited and my caution diminished, about this theory that the show was just weak signal static, and these rumors about this “screaming episode” that apparently earned the Laughingstock and her crew an abrupt pull from the seas and the Channel 58 airwaves. I can tell you right now, it wasn’t just dead air or snow. However, I can’t confirm the existence of episode 2-12, because I didn’t get a chance to see it, or for that matter, any of the episodes in the second season. After all, they only aired once. This is the story of why I missed them.
On Tuesday, September 21, 1971, I came home from school in my mom’s clunky Volkswagon. Since there was nothing particularly interesting on in mom’s eyes, she would forfeit the television to me for an hour whilst she rode on her exercise bike in the basement. And, of course, that day, just like several weeks leading up to it, the dial turned right to 58.
Episode six of season one, I would later find out, was called “Ship Crash.” Appropriately enough, the premise involves Percy musing about the lovely song of the “singing dolphins” (a woman is heard rhythmically cooing in the background) and winds up falling asleep at the helm of Laughingstock, and apparently sleep-steering, crashing her into a large, jagged rock jutting out of the waters in a corner of the Cove. The rest of the episode involves Janice and Poppy frantically trying to repair their ship before it sinks, all the while fighting sleep.
Eventually, they spot a strange tree growing near the peak of the mountainous rock and decide it would make great torch wood for distress beacons, so Janice goes to fetch it. On her journey, she begins to sleepwalk, which is how she comes across Susan Siren.
Susan, like most of the other characters on the show, had a cheap but almost-intentionally strange design: She was not a puppet, but an actress, with her body and face painted a sea-greenish pallor, her lips a vibrant orange to compliment it. She was dressed rather, well, inappropriately for a children’s show, her breasts only obscured by a metallic brassiere, small chains (possibly intended originally for necklaces) serving as the straps. Her bottom piece was also fashioned in this way, with a large (obviously paper mache) chain attached to her “iron” panties and the rock behind her, meant to shackle her there. The top half of her head, including her eyes and nose, was concealed by a headpiece fashioned to make her look more “cartoonish”, but it also had a pale-green skin, as well as orange hair and large, spherical orange eyes to match the lipstick.
Susan Siren explains to Janice that she was condemned to “Lullaby Rock” centuries ago, when a fleet of ships almost crashed due to her hypnotic, sleep-inducing singing. Janice laments that she cannot free Susan, but promises to return to visit if Susan promises to lure another ship (without crashing it) to the rock to rescue them. Susan agrees, and sings a peaceful song about “your hard work at sea” and how “it’s earned you a nap”.
That day, I came home from school especially drained. I remember that much. What had happened in kindergarten that would leave a five-year-old so exhausted is lost to time, but I remember being tired. So, taking Susan’s advice, I switched from a sitting position on the couch to a laying one and let my heavy eyes sink. Only seconds after my eyelids made everything dark, I heard the song end, and Susan boast to Janice:
“Now, watch this.”
My eyes fluttered open, eager to see what had happened. But I was somewhere else: The room was white, as where the sheets on the bed I had apparently been tucked into. There were silver, boxy machines surrounding me, beeping monotonously. A little tube poked into my arm and connected it to a hanging pouch of clear liquid. I wanted to touch it, but was afraid of the pain. I wanted to scream, but a large tube had been shoved in my mouth. I wanted to cry and struggle and kick down the walls, but I was too weak, so I settled for sobbing. After a few minutes of that, a woman in a white dress rushed and and called for a doctor, who simply studied me. but he did call my mother, and after I was unhooked from all those machines and latched onto her, exchanging with her happier sobs, she sat me down to explain that I had been in a coma for nearly two years.
So why is my curiosity only rekindled now? I suppose I never related it to the show. The doctors never a gave a straight answer as to why this happened to me, so who else could know of one? I only started looking into it again about a week ago, around a month after mom’s funeral. I was going through some of her tax receipts when I found an empty envelope from NASA, dated December 29, 1971. The kind of envelope a check might arrive in.

SOURCE.

Candle Cove: Down in the Dark
“Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness. Sometimes we lose them there again.”
-Stephen King, “The Green Mile”
***
I’m a grown woman and I’m well past needing my father to come save me, but even so I wish he were here now. I guess I never realized before just how much he’s always been there for me. Sometimes I wonder—
Wait, let me start from the beginning.
When I was six years old, I became obsessed with seeing the pirate show.
I overheard a kid at school talking about it. He said it was a puppet show about a little girl who’s friends with pirates, and that it was on in the afternoon. Once I heard that, I had to see it. You know how little kids get obsessed with one particular thing for no reason? For me that thing was pirates. I’m still not sure why but, hey, I was six.
The boy did not want to tell me what channel it was on, but after I pestered him enough he gave in. After school I ran to the TV to wait for four o’clock, but when the time came nothing was there; the channel was just static. I flipped through all the stations looking for the show. The next day I accused the boy of making the whole thing up, but another girl in the class said no, the show was real, she’d seen it too. I asked her why I couldn’t find it and she didn’t have an answer. The boy said that really I shouldn’t watch it anyway, but he would not say why, and after that he stopped talking to me at all.
Every day at four I sat in front of the TV, hoping that the pirate show would magically appear. I even asked Dad to call the local affiliate and ask about it (Dad would do almost anything for me…), but they said they’d never heard of it. I was crushed.
Months went by, the school year ended, and I became less zealous in my four o’clock vigil, but I would still check from time to time. One day I went down to the basement where Dad kept the old black and white TV in his workroom. Back then I had the idea that different TV sets showed different shows, so I would always check both if I couldn’t find what I wanted on. It was four o’clock and I turned to channel 58, just like always, but this time something was different: I heard static, but underneath it, just barely there, I heard music. Strange, bouncy calliope music. And although the channel was still scrambled, I could just barely make out a picture.
There, after all this time, was the pirate show. There was the little girl, and there were the pirate marionettes, and there was the ship with the talking figurehead. It was just like the kids at school described. Of course, the picture was a mess and I could only hear half the dialogue, but I didn’t care. I was ecstatic.
I don’t remember much about the program. It was half over by the time I turned it on. The only thing I really do remember was the part where the little girl and the pirate are standing outside of a cave and the ship tells them: “YOU HAVE. TO GO. INSIDE.” Just like that. I guess it doesn’t sound like much, but at that moment I became very scared, and I turned the TV off and almost ran out of the basement. Suddenly, I wasn’t interested in the pirate show anymore.
That should have been the end of it, and in fact I’d like to think that it was. I’d like to think that what happened next was all a dream or the product of a six-year-old’s imagination. For most of the last forty years that’s exactly what I have thought, but now I’ve started to wonder.
That night, probably around two o’clock in the morning, I went to use the bathroom (I was never scared of the dark when I was a kid, and in fact I was a little proud of how I felt brave enough to wander around our old, creaky house with no lights on). On the way back, I noticed that the basement door was open, just a crack. And I heard something down in the basement: It was that strange, jumbled circus music from the show. It was still playing.
I stood there for a long time, not sure what to do. I heard the music and the voices of the characters drifting up the basement steps, plain as day. They were very loud, and there was no more noisy static. I told myself that I had simply left the television on (even though I knew I hadn’t), and that Dad had somehow missed it before going to bed (even though I knew he never would). Yes, that would almost make sense. Except that it didn’t explain why a kid’s show (which up until that afternoon seemed never to be on at all) would be on at two in the morning.
I was, as I’ve said, never a child afraid of the dark, or of much of anything else. So despite the strange circumstances, I resolved to go down and turn the old TV off and go back to bed. It didn’t seem like a completely good idea, I’ll admit, but I certainly wasn’t going to run away from a television. I opened the basement door all the way and would probably have gone down if not for the fact that at the very moment I prepared to put my little bare foot on the first basement step I heard that voice again:
“YOU HAVE. TO GO. INSIDE.”
But it did not sound as if it were coming from the television.
There are limits to what even the bravest six-year-old will do, and I had reached them. So I ran all the way to Dad’s room and woke him up. He listened, very calmly, to my story, and when I was done he picked me up and carried me with him to the basement door. There was no music now, and no voices, just darkness and silence. He set me down and as he prepared to go downstairs I wanted to stop him. I was sure, all of a sudden, that whatever was down there, I didn’t want my daddy to be down there with it. But I couldn’t think of anything to say. So I just watched him as he marched down those dark steps, one at a time.
I have never been as frightened as I was for those minutes that my father was down in that basement. A part of me was certain he was never coming back. I even imagined that, maybe, something else would come back instead. But I wasn’t sure what…
But of course, he came back. He said that I’d left the TV on, just like I thought. I asked him what was on it and he said, “Nothing.” Just that: nothing. And then he tucked me back into bed, and sang to me and stroked my hair until I fell asleep.
I loved my father very much.
After that I more or less forgot about the whole thing. If it ever crossed my mind in the years to come, I chalked it up as a nightmare. Dad never mentioned it either. There is one thing I noticed, though, that I never really thought about until tonight: Dad got rid of that old TV shortly after. In fact, he stopped watching television altogether, and he stopped working in the basement too. After I went to college he cancelled the service and got rid of the other TV, and as far as I know never got another one. I wonder about that now.
Just like I wonder about those times, as a little girl, when I would catch my father staring off at nothing with his head tilted a little to one side, like he was listening to something, a song or a voice that only he could hear. And I wonder whether it’s just my imagination or time tampering with my memories or if my father didn’t have a strange look on his face when he came out of the basement that night. And had his voice quavered a little? And hadn’t he been down there just a little longer than it should have taken simply to turn off a television set?
I guess those are questions only my father could have answered, and now he never will. Today was his funeral, and that’s why, tonight, for the first time in twenty five years, I’m sleeping in the old house alone. As they lowered his casket into the ground, the unwelcome image of him marching down those basement steps came back to me, and I shivered. This time, when my father went down into the dark, alone, I was sure he would not be back. That was the first time in a long time I’d thought about the pirate show or the night in the basement. I’d prefer not to keep thinking about it, especially since I have so much else on my mind, but I’m afraid I don’t have much choice.
You see, when I came in tonight, the basement door was open. I can hear music down there, and voices, ones I haven’t heard since I was six. And I’m sure that if I open the basement door all the way and stand at the top of the stairs I’ll hear another voice telling me that I have to go inside.
But I’m sure there is no television down there.
I don’t want to go. I want to run to my daddy’s room, and wake him up, and have him sing me to sleep again, but of course, I can’t. I do not think it’s a coincidence that this is happening the same day we buried him. I think, somehow, that this is something my father has been protecting me from for a long time.
Or maybe not. Maybe there was nothing sinister in the basement forty years ago, and maybe there’s nothing down there now, and maybe this is just the stress of the funeral making me crack. They tell me that grief can induce hallucinations, sometimes. It could be there’s nothing to be afraid of down in the dark after all. I would very much like to think that that’s true.
I guess once I go down and see I’ll know for sure. I guess, if I don’t come back, you’ll all know too.
Good night, Daddy. Sweet dreams. I love you.

SOURCE.

Candle Cove: Day of the Dead
“Most of the laugh tracks on television were recorded in the early 1950s. These days, the people you hear laughing are dead.”
-Chuck Palahniuk, “Lullaby”
***
“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, of course.”
“I thought that’s what your job was about: talking?”
“Actually Mrs. Chelsea, I would say that my job is about trust. I can’t expect people who don’t trust me to talk about sensitive things with me. So this session is entirely in your hands.”
“I’ll talk about it. Therapy was my idea, after all. They said that since there was just the one incident it wasn’t really necessary but…I thought it was a good idea.”
“All right then. Tell me what happened.”
“It was just a drawing on the sidewalk. A stencil, you know? Artists leave them around the city, sometimes, and I was out shopping with my family when my son pointed it out. It was a skeleton wearing a top hat, and it had the word ‘Saturday’ underneath it. What do you think that means?”
“It sounds like Baron Samedi.”
“Who?”
“He’s a loa; a voodoo spirit. He watches over the dead and he’s usually represented by a top hat and a skull. ‘Samedi’ means ‘Saturday.’ So this drawing frightened you?”
“I had a kind of fit when I saw it. They called it an anxiety attack. They even took me to the hospital.”
“And what did they find out?”
“They said there’s nothing wrong with me physically. They talked about stress and lack of sleep. And they said I should take it easy but not to worry unless it happened again. But I’m worried anyway.”
“Has anything like this ever happened before?”
“Once. The same day…that my son died.”
“You said your son was the one who noticed the stencil?”
“That’s my youngest son, Dylan. I had an older son, Jonah. But he’s not with us anymore. He was murdered five years ago.”
“I’m very sorry, Mrs. Chelsea. Can I ask if you received any psychological counseling afterwards?”
“No. I was busy with Dylan, you see. Isn’t it strange? The day Jonah died was the same day I found out I was pregnant again. And I guess I just….poured everything into managing the pregnancy. So that I wouldn’t think about anything else. And for years, I didn’t. Not until this week. Should I talk about the murder?”
“As I said, you don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to.”
“I…I’ll talk about it.
“Jonah was fifteen; I had him when I was still in high school. He was very gifted. He played the cello, and the piano, and they made him the organist at our church. That was what got him into trouble.
“The minister was friends with my husband, Jonah’s stepfather, and he loved to hear Jonah play, so he put him at the organ. Everyone loved him. It wasn’t just that Jonah was talented, he was…I guess you could say he had a performer’s charisma. I…I’m sorry, it’s hard to talk about…”
“It’s all right, Mrs. Chelsea. Should we change the subject?”
“No, I’ve already said this much. Something people liked about Jonah, he would always play the hymns but he’d play some of his own music too, before and after the service. He composed his own material; it was very strange sounding, but everyone liked it. Well, almost everyone: One day a man came to us after church and told him to stop.”
“Told him to stop playing?”
“Told him to stop playing his own music. He was very upset. He looked like he hadn’t had much sleep; he might have been drunk. He told us that the song Jonah played that day was…wrong, somehow. That it was driving him crazy. He was screaming at us in the parking lot, telling us that we didn’t realize what we were doing, that he’d spent his whole life trying to get away from that music. It didn’t make any sense.”
“Tell me about the song?”
“It was very odd, now that you mention it. It was…bouncy. It made me think of the circus, for some reason. It made sense if you knew Jonah, though; he was always playing for laughs. I heard him practicing it in his room. It made me feel…unsettled, the first time I heard it.”
“Hmm. And what about this man?”
“Well, that day in the parking lot he just ran off, after scaring the daylights out of us. But the next week, he came back. …with a gun.”
“Mrs. Chelsea—”
“It was the Day of the Dead. November 1st. I remember that. Someone had left something on the organ for Jonah, as a joke. You know those Day of the Dead decorations, the little statuettes of skeletons doing everyday things? Skeleton housewives cooking or a skeleton barber with scissors and a razor or—”
“A therapist.”
“Huh?”
“I have one that’s a skeleton therapist, with a skeleton patient on his couch. A client gave it to me. It’s actually quite funny.”
“Oh. Well, this one was a skeleton playing the piano. Jonah thought it was hilarious. He showed it to everyone. Nobody would admit to leaving it. Then he started playing. Everyone was enjoying it. He was coming to the end of the song, and then that man from the week before stood up. And then…”
“…where is that man now, Mrs. Chelsea?”
“In a mental hospital. I’ve visited him a few times. He cries a lot and tells me he’s sorry, but he says, ‘You must understand why. You of all people must understand why I did it.’ I don’t know why he says that. …but the thing I remember about that day now that I never remembered before is that little Day of the Dead statue. The skeleton was wearing a top hat, you see.”
“Ah. So the stencil drawing reminded you of it.”
“No, that wasn’t it. I mean, I suppose it did, but…doctor, I’ve never told anyone this before, but the day that Jonah was murdered, everyone assumed I was hysterical because of what happened, and I was, but it started before that. It started when I saw that little statuette on the church organ.
“Something about that figure, the skeleton and the hat, it terrified me. It scared me so bad that I wanted to stand up and shout to Jonah to run away from it, but I was too frightened to even move. And by the time I could, the man with the gun had already…he’d…”
“It’s all right, Mrs. Chelsea. …but you’re sure that your fear response started before the shooting? Not after?”
“Yes. Yes, I’m sure.”
“Hmm. So the skeleton and the hat: That image upsets you. Do you know why?”
“I can’t imagine.”
“Can you think of the first time you ever saw it?”
“Well… when I was a child I used to have a nightmare. There was a little girl in a room—”
“Was it you?”
“It might have been, but it was hard to tell. Whoever she was, she was in a dark room, and she was crying, and all around her there were these…I guess puppets, or dolls? And they were screaming.”
“The puppets were screaming?”
“Yes, all of them, screaming and screaming, and the little girl was crying.”
“Did you have this nightmare a lot?”
“All the time, when I was five.”
“What does this have to do with the skeleton in the top hat?”
“That was one of the puppets. That’s the first time I can remember seeing that image. Well, not seeing exactly, but that’s my earliest memory.”
“I see. What did your parents do when you told them about this dream?”
“They took the TV away.”
“Why?”
“They said that I had the dream because of something I saw on TV.”
“Do you remember that?”
“No. And I didn’t at the time either. But they insisted. It was…actually very strange, now that I think about it. It seemed to scare them, somehow. Of course, it’s hard to remember. I was so young, you know?”
“Of course. Do you still have this dream?”
“No. That is…not until very recently.”
“But you’ve had it again?”
“Yes, just after the stencil drawing, and the anxiety attack. That same night, actually. But only that once. And that was the first time in, oh, forty years, I guess. It’s normal, right, to have that dream again, after seeing something that reminded me of it?”
“We don’t really deal in words like normal or abnormal here, Mrs. Chelsea. I would say that it is noteworthy that you had the same dream after so long. But I don’t think it’s something you have to worry about. Can I ask, was anything different about the dream this time?”
“…yes.”
“And what was that?”
“One of the puppets. It looked like…it looked like Jonah…”
“It’s all right to cry, Mrs. Chelsea. Here, dry your eyes. I can imagine it was very upsetting, but it’s important to remember that dreams are your mind’s way of trying to tell us something. Can you remember any other strange dreams about your oldest son?”
“For a while right after he died I would have one where I was standing on the shore, watching him sail away on a big ship.”
“That’s a very common image.”
“No, not like this; there was something wrong with that ship. Something terrible. And the people on it with him…they weren’t people. Not normal people. I had the feeling they were, you know, kidnapping him. Carrying him away, like they were—”
“Pirates?”
“Yes, that’s it. And I heard music too: strange, jumbled circus music. It sounded a little like the song that Jonah played in church. And you know, come to think of it, he told me that the song came to him in a dream first. It might even have been a dream about a ship. I didn’t pay much attention. I remember I even faked having to make a phone call so I could leave the room and stop listening to him talk about it. Isn’t that terrible? But at the time, hearing about his dreams upset me very much.”
“Let’s move on: Have there been any other incidents lately that have upset you? Anything unusual that’s disrupted your regular routine?”
“I’m not sure what’s important.”
“Anything might be important. We won’t know for sure unless we talk about it.”
“Well, a few weeks ago—this was before the panic attack—I was at a toy store, trying to find something for Dylan. He was turning five that week. And I found this…thing. It was a doll, you know, but not a normal one. It was like a little pirate, but its head was one from a porcelain baby doll, the old kind? It looked like something a serial killer would make in their basement.”
“And that bothered you?”
“Well it was horribly ugly. I asked the owner and she said she’d found it when she was cleaning out the storeroom. She had no idea where it came from. She wasn’t sure whether she should sell it or not. I told her to throw it away. It scared me. I guess it sounds silly now. Why would something like that get to me so much?”
“To grind your skin.”
“…what?!”
“I said, things get under your skin.”
“I thought you said…never mind.
“There was something else too: As I was cleaning my son’s room the next day I thought I saw that same doll in there.”
“Thought you did?”
“As I was cleaning under his bed something caught my eye: It was that red bandana. And I saw that doll’s little face staring at me, with those cracked, painted eyes, and I swear I just about screamed. But when I looked under the bed again it wasn’t there. And I told myself I just imagined it, but…are all these things really important?”
“Oh yes, Mrs. Chelsea. I’d say we’re making great progress. With these sorts of things, you have. To go. Inside.”
“…what did you say?”
“You have to go inside. Of your mindset, you know, inside of your issues.”
“But why did you say it that way the first time?”
“I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Doctor, I—”
“Let’s move on. It seems that your anxiety is being triggered by some very specific imagery. Tell me when else it’s come up.”
“I…”
“Tell me, Mrs. Chelsea. Please.”
“…my neighbor, she had Halloween decorations up on her house for weeks. And there was one that was a kind of skeleton that hung in her window, the sort of thing you’d buy at a drugstore this time of year. It startled me when I looked out my window and saw it. It was like it was looking right into my house. It had big glass eyes that were too large for its skull…that bothered me.
“I had such a strange feeling when I saw it. The first time I thought to myself, ‘He’s found me.’ It just popped into my head, and a second later I couldn’t have told you what it means. But that’s not what scared me.”
“What did?”
“My neighbor took all the other decorations off her house after Halloween, but she kept that one. Every morning I’d see that thing staring into my window. And finally one day I mentioned to her, very casually, you know, that it was almost Thanksgiving and she really ought to take that last Halloween decoration down. And she said, ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about? It’s been gone for weeks.'”
“Was it there when you looked out the window again?’
“No.”
“Do you think it was ever really there to begin with?”
“I…I don’t know.”
“What else has been on your mind?”
“Dylan. He’s a very bright child, like his brother. And they look a like. But he’s not a musician; instead he draws.”
“Has he been making strange pictures?”
“How did you know?”
“A lucky guess. Do go on, Mrs. Chelsea.”
“I feel sick. I feel like…the room is moving?”
“It’s your imagination. Tell me about Dylan’s pictures.”
“They’re of…a sailing ship. But not a normal one. It has a, you know, a figurehead at the front of it that’s too big. And it talks.”
“The figurehead talks?”
“Yes.”
“How do you know that, if it’s just a picture?”
“I just know. And he’s been drawing it for weeks and weeks, over and over. And sometimes he draws other things too…strange things…terrible things…”
“But things you recognize.”
“…yes.”
“Where have you seen these things before, Mrs. Chelsea?”
“In my dreams. And…on the television. When I was five years old. The show came on everyday. And I was scared of it, but I watched it anyway. And when I tried to get my parents to watch it with me they said…they said…”
“What did they say?”
“…that there was no show. And I didn’t understand what they meant. And that’s when the nightmare began. And I remember now, that’s where I first heard that song, the strange one that Jonah played. That’s why I was upset when I heard it, because it reminded me of that show. And I though maybe that’s why the man at the church was upset by it, too. I guess as I grew up I kind of forgot about the whole thing, but…”
“But you didn’t forget, did you? You never forget the things that are really important in childhood.”
“I guess you don’t.”
“And we didn’t forget about you either.”
“What?”
“I said, they didn’t forget—”
“No you didn’t. You said ‘we.’ ‘We didn’t forget about you?'”
“…well, it’s true. We didn’t forget. We’ve been waiting for you, Janice. All this time.”
“Dr. Horace, why are you laughing like that? Dr. Horace?”
“I’m not a doctor. And you see this isn’t a doctor’s office at all, is it? It’s the cabin of a ship, that’s why it’s moving, that’s why you started to feel seasick.”
“What’s going on?!”
“You’re off on an adventure on the high seas, Janice, just like the ones on television when you were a little girl. The ones we made just for you.”
“Stop talking like that. And stop calling me that too, my name isn’t Janice.”
“But it could be! You’d make as good of a Janice as anyone. And think how much better life would be if you were? Janice never had a murdered son. Janice never had to worry that she was losing her mind. Janice only had adventures all the time.”
“But they were so awful, so frightening…”
“Well, being a child is always a little frightening, isn’t it? But you won’t be alone here; all of your old friends are onboard. And we have some news ones too. Even Jonah is here…”
“Jonah…?”
“Oh yes. He’s been just the best little crewmember for us. And he’s been waiting for you. Just think about how wonderful it will be to see him again, and to see everyone else too. All one big happy crew together.”
“But what about Dylan?”
“Your other boy? Oh, don’t worry about him. We’ll get around to him, in due time. But do you hear that, Janice?”
“I…I hear a voice…”
“And what is it telling you?”
“I don’t want to listen to it! I don’t want to be here, I want to go home!”
“This is home, Janice. This is the home we made for you, the home that’s been waiting for you, the home that you’ll be in forever and ever. The voice that you hear, why, that’s the voice of your new home. And what is it saying?”
“I…”
“What’s it saying, Janice?”
“It’s saying that…
“I have. To go. Inside.”

SOURCE.

The Grimes Home
(The following was found in an envelope on a bus bound for Chicago)
My name is Jason Grimes and I am writing this so that when the room is eventually opened people will perhaps understand the things they find within it. And so that I will not be thought of as the madman that part of me already fears I am.
It all began with the reading of the will. My mother (My only living parent left) had passed away due to a heart attack in her New England home. Her body had been found by one of the women who came to clean every few days and the news had not come as a shock to any of the family. She’d had two previous heart attacks and with her smoking and drinking she wasn’t exactly in the best of health.
It had been a surprise that she wanted me to have the old family home though. I’d never exactly had much love for the place and had moved out the first chance I got. Honestly I hadn’t been expecting to get anything in the will, given how long it had been since we’d even spoken, I was surprised that she hadn’t written me out, the way she’d tried to write me out of the family’s history by removing any pictures of me from the house.
I certainly didn’t plan to keep that creepy, rundown old place. But at the same time I knew that there was a chance it could fetch a bit of cash on the market if someone put a little work into fixing it up and as I was currently between jobs it might be a worthwhile use of my time. I got my brother and our cousin to come over and help with fixing it up, which they happily agreed to do.
There actually wasn’t as much work to do as I had first thought as the house seemed to be in better repair than I remembered it being. I guessed that my mother, cheap as she was, had still finally been forced to actually get someone in to fix up some of the bigger problems the house had. There was still stuff that needed repair and a new coat of paint but it only ended up taking about a week or so in the end.
It was during this time that I first found it.
Now I didn’t have the best memories of the old place, given how long it had been since I had stayed there. But one of the first things I noticed while I was walking along the ground floor hallway was that there was a door that hadn’t been there before. I stared at it for a few moments, more out of confusion than anything else before trying to push it open. It wouldn’t budge an inch.
I asked my brother if he knew what might be down there and he shook his head, saying that he’d not even noticed it before now. My cousin said that she’d noticed a big, old fashioned looking key in the keyhole of the door the last time she’d come round to visit but she had no clue where it might be right now. I shrugged, not really thinking much of it at the time, just figuring that I’d had to get someone to bust the door down at some point before I got the house sold.
The room none of us WANTED to go in was Emerson’s. It was weird, seeing all his old toys and colouring books still there, as if our mother had been trying to bring her son back by clinging on to the past. Emerson had always been our mothers favourite, the one who she’d lavished all of her attention on and I saw that she had stuck his drawings up all over the place. Drawings of pirate ships and odd, comical looking figures with strange designs.
My brother told me that when he’d stayed for dinner, our mother would still set a place for Emerson as if she expected him to just show up out of the blue. Missing for all these years and she was still expecting him to come wandering through the door…
That first night I spent alone in the house I didn’t sleep very well. Crazy as it sounds I kept thinking that I heard noises in the house, people talking to each other. I must have checked each and every one of the rooms a good dozen times only to find each and every one of them empty. I even checked to see if I’d left the TV on but it was still unplugged.
I would go back to bed and then after a little while the noises would start up again. Sometimes I was sure that I could hear music as well. It was around four in the morning that a thought occurred to me and I went to the locked door in the hallway, pressing my ear against it and listening closely. I was sure I heard what sounded like a muffled tune coming from within.
The next day I went into town to buy some food and after the events of last night I also bought a hammer to knock that old door down. It was while chatting with the cashier that I learned something unsettling about the neighbourhood that I had temporarily moved into.
I had casually brought up where I was staying after he commented on me being new around here and told him that I was planning to try and sell up. He’d let out a short burst of laughter before looking embarrassed about it and when I’d asked him to explain had said the following:
“No one with sense is gonna buy that dump. No one with half a brain would buy ANY house within ten miles of that place” he said, not looking up from the groceries he was packing away.
“Why not? It seems like a nice enough neighbourhood” I had replied.
“Because of all them kids going missing, of course”
He’d gone on to explain that for the past few years there had been a sudden and disturbing rise in the number of children vanishing from their homes in the area. There had been search parties formed, the police and the FBI had gotten involved but nothing had turned up. The kids had vanished from their homes with no signs of forced entry or struggle and no evidence left behind as to who might have been responsible.
People were trying to move away as fast as possible but there were few who would buy a house in the area once they heard about what was going on. No one wanted to move to a place where a child kidnapper/killer was active.
I have to admit the story kind of creeped me out. Knowing that something so strange was going on near where I was staying made the odd goings on of the previous night seem even more unsettling to me and so as soon as I got home I decided to bust that door down. My neighbour, a fairly nice young woman named
Charley who I’d gotten to know, was working on her homes front lawn when I got back and noticed the hammer in my hand as I headed towards the front door of my home. Not really wanting to be alone when I broke the door down I gave her an abridged version of events (Leaving out the odd noises of last night) and asked if she’d like to join me in finding out what was in the room.
“Mysterious locked door? Very Scooby Doo” she said as I grinned.
“Sure. I’ll be Fred, you be Daphne” I replied, happy to have someone with me, her presence making the nervousness I had felt while listening to the cashiers story start to fade a little.
“Trust me; I’m more Velma than Daphne”
Once inside the house I packed away the various groceries, pouring drinks for myself and Charley before we went to the white door. It only took a few swings from the hammer to smash it open, the lock breaking beneath the assault and the door swinging open. Behind it was a staircase, leading down into a darkened basement below. I stared in confusion at the stairs, not believing what I was seeing. Our house didn’t have a basement, I was sure of that.
And yet suddenly I seemed to recall seeing this before. I could remember playing with Emerson one day, daring each other. Emerson had always been afraid of pretty much everything and I, in the way of older brothers everywhere, had taken far too much pleasure in tormenting him. I seemed to remember the two of us stood at the top of this staircase, me daring him to go down into the dark while calling him a chicken.
‘C’mon Emerson’ I had been saying to him. ‘You have to go inside…’
Charley and I began to descend the old, creaking steps towards the basement, the hammer still clutched tight in my hands. I didn’t know what we would find but I knew that I felt better being armed with something that could do some damage. As we reached the bottom of the stairs Charley began feeling around for a light switch, finding one after a few moments and flicking it on. The room was instantly illuminated, revealing what was within.
“Oh my god! LOOK at all this cool stuff!” Charley cried out.
The basement was full of puppets.
There was dozens of them, all lined up on various shelves all in very good repair as if they were brand new. There were puppets of all shapes and sizes, some of them being very human looking while others were Muppet-like animal creatures and others were more monstrous. There were props from what looked like the set of a kids show I guess. None of it had any dust on it, as if someone had been down to tidy up just moments before.
I could guess what all of this was from but what it was doing down here I had no idea.
“What IS all of this?” Charley asked as she picked up one of the puppets, a guy with a massive moustache and a monocle over one eye. She grinned, playing around with him, moving his limbs up and down.
“My brother used to work on a kids show, years ago. ‘Pirate Place’ I think it was called. Only ran for a couple of years before it got cancelled. I guess this stuff is all the old puppets and sets from the show” I said as we looked around at the room. My eyes fell on a creepy looking skeleton puppet with a really weird mouth and a top hat upon its head. Ugly looking thing, I thought to myself at that moment.
“No way! Do you have any idea how much some of this stuff might be worth? Collectors pay a FORTUNE for things like this on eBay” Charley said, setting the puppet down gently on one of the shelves.
I glanced around at the rest of the contents of the room. Apart from the puppets and the set pieces there was an old sewing machine set on a desk that was otherwise completely bare. There was no sign of anything that could have been the source of the tune that I’d heard before. Deciding that I must have imagined it, probably due to lack of sleep and being back in the old place, I did my best to forget about my fears and concentrate on the opportunity before me now.
There was just one thing that troubled me as I looked around. On the desk the sewing machine was set on there were several odd red stains spattered over it. As I stared at them I was sure, out of the corner of my eye that the odd looking skeleton puppets head had twitched in my direction.
The next few days went by without anything odd happening really. I put the puppets up on eBay and had a few people come to view the house. The only thing that was strange was when one couple viewed the basement. All of the colour drained out of the husbands face when his eyes fell on the skeleton puppet and he just turned, left the basement and then the house. He went to the car, started it up and sat there until his wife joined him (After apologising for his rudeness) and the two drove away.
Later that night I was sure I heard the old sewing machine in the basement. I wanted to go down and check and yet at the same time looking at that darkened doorway I suddenly felt very frightened. And when there was a knock at the door the sudden noise almost made me jump out of my skin, my head jerking to the side towards the source of the noise. Taking a moment to steady my nerves I walked to the door, opening it cautiously to see Charley standing there.
“We need to talk” she said.
She explained that she’d mentioned to a friend of hers about the find in the basement a few days ago. When she’d brought up the name ‘Pirate Place’ he’d gone quiet and asked for her to describe the puppets. He looked afraid, she said, as if he’d just seen a ghost. He had told her to move house, to get away from me and from those ‘Damn things’ as he referred to the puppets, growing increasingly hysterical as the conversation had gone on. He’d repeated over and over that it wasn’t safe to be around them that ‘They could see you through them’. He’d rambled at length about ‘Physical avatars’ and ‘The signal’ none of which had made any sense to her.
Apparently he’d used to work in television and had known my brother. He said that he’d sat down with Emerson in what he called ‘The Script Room’ and then started raving about ‘Knowing where the stories came from’. Charley said that she had never seen him like this before, that he seemed to be almost psychotic. His eyes bugging out of his head, his face glistening with sweat. She had been worried that he was about to have some kind of attack.
“Was your brother involved in anything…weird?” she asked me and I honestly didn’t know how to respond to that. Emerson had always been an odd kid, no doubt about that, but I couldn’t imagine him ever provoking such a frightened reaction in anyone let alone a grown man. I asked her if he’d said why the puppets were so awful and she shrugged.
“All the stuff he was saying wasn’t making much sense. He just said ‘It’s not the puppets. It’s what made them’ and then he just got up and said he couldn’t be in my house anymore. Just ran out to his car and drove off”
I decided that as she’d shared her weirdness with me, maybe I could open up about some of the weirdness in my life right now. I explained about the odd noises, the music and the sewing machine seeming to turn itself on. And against my better judgement we decided to descend into that pitch black basement once again.
I’m not sure what I expected to find but I was sure that something would be wrong. So when we saw that nothing seemed to have changed or been moved I felt an odd sense of almost disappointment. I kind of WANTED for there to be something strange down there, just to prove that I wasn’t imagining all of this, to prove to myself that I wasn’t going crazy.
And that’s when Charley spotted the door.
It was when she flicked off the light as we began to go up, casting one last look back into the darkness and noticed that there was light coming from somewhere. Not very bright but nonetheless a light source. Moving swiftly we shoved aside one of the shelves of puppets and felt along the ‘wall’ behind it, to confirm what Charley had believed to be the case: there was a door behind it.
“Told you this was all kinds of Scooby Doo” Charley said with a grin on her face, clearly enjoying herself. I smiled, which was something I definitely wouldn’t have been able to do if she wasn’t here. It was nice to have someone to share this insanity with.
We felt along the wall trying to find some way to open the door, some handle or switch to make it open. From behind it I was sure that I could hear SOMETHING. It sounded almost like music. Circus music, a cheerful, upbeat tune but also off somehow, as if there was something not quite right about it.
Out of the corner of my eye I was sure that the puppet with the ridiculous moustache and monocle had moved. And I realise how ridiculous that sounds but I was certain of it. It was just the tiniest movement, a twitch of its head toward the skeleton puppet. ‘As if waiting for orders’ I thought to myself, and then wondered why that had popped into my head.
With a bit of work we managed to strip away the wall paper that was covering most of the door, revealing that it was a bright red in colour, the paint chipped and flaking in places, with a small keyhole and no handle. I assumed that it just pushed inwards once unlocked or perhaps slid to the side as there was no place for a handle to have once been either.
It was then that I noticed that Charley had stopped smiling. In fact she was staring at the door with what looked like a mix of confusion and fear, taking a few steps back from it. When I asked her what was wrong she just shook her head and made excuses to leave. I asked her if she was alright and she just told me she was tired and promised to help me try and find the key to the door in the morning. It was getting late so it was plausible enough but I knew that something was wrong here.
For the rest of the evening I looked through Emerson’s old things in his room, looking for some clue perhaps as to what it was that had inspired such fear in Charley’s friend. For the most part it was old toys and childhood drawings, nothing of much use. There were a few things that were odd though.
It was a picture that I guess Emerson had done when he was little. There was a crude drawing of a boy sat in his bed that I think was meant to be Emerson himself. Around him were stood several figures. One was just a stick figure with a hat upon its head. Another was a portly man with a cartoonish moustache and teeth. And there was a third that was…very odd.
It was just a scribble in the outline of a person, a black, shadowy scribble. There was a circle drawn above the three figures and the boy and lines were shown coming down from it leading to the boys head. For some reason, looking at those lines, the word ‘Tendrils’ came into my head.
There was a picture of a red door. The words ‘WHERE THEY TAKE THEM’ were scrawled in large letters beneath it.
And the final picture was of the stick man and the man with the moustache leading several smaller figures towards a third. This one was a woman, a rather well drawn one in comparison to the crude, basic nature of the others except for the face. The face was just two dots for eyes and a line for a mouth.
The words ‘WHERE THEY TAKE THEM’ were written here as well.
There was a message on my answering machine from Charley the next day. She said that she’d gone to stay with her girlfriend for a few days ‘Just to clear her head’ and apologised for leaving so suddenly the previous night. Her voice sounded odd, kind of shaky really, and she said not to bother with the door. She tried to sound calm and casual when she said it but there was fear in her voice. She said it was probably best to forget all about the whole thing and just cover up the basement, not even mention it to potential buyers for the house. She said it would be a good idea to take the puppets off of eBay as well.
I should have just done as she asked.
Instead I spent the rest of the day ransacking the house, searching for the key to that door. I looked everywhere with little success until, almost on a whim, I decided to search Emerson’s room more thoroughly. And there, hidden in one of his old pillow cases, was a key.
I poured myself a drink to steady my nerves, sitting down to watch the TV. I remembered the old thing never picking up much when we were little, the channels always being full of static. It seemed to be working better now at least and the news came on, talking about another disappearance in the area. A girl of twelve this time, vanished from her home in the middle of the night. I flipped through the channels looking for something a little less grim while I finished my drink
Getting up, I headed down the steps into the basement, striding toward the door, ready to open it.
The skeleton puppet was sat at the sewing machine now. I knew I hadn’t moved it and neither had Charley. And the other puppets…their heads seemed to be turned towards it, as if they were waiting for it to do something, to say something. God it was a hideous thing, that awful misshapen mouth looking so awful. God knows why the prop designer had made it look that way.
At that moment, the words ‘To grind your skin’ popped into my head.
I put the key into the door and sure enough it unlocked it, the door pushing inward with ease, revealing the room that lay beyond it. It was illuminated by a single dirty bulb, making the contents of the room easy to see. Dear lord the smell…the only thing worse was the sight of what was littered around the room.
Children’s shoes and clothes, some spattered with old, dried blood were piled in a heap in one corner of the room. The floor was stained with large patches of red, one of which, as I stepped into it, I realised was still somewhat fresh, fresh and sticky like soda spilled on a movie theatre floor. The room smelt of spoiling meat and burnt hair and it took all I had not to throw up as I entered it, wondering how the smell hadn’t travelled from this room to the basement.
There was a pile of old video cassettes in one corner of the room, all labelled with things like ‘Emerson’s first bike ride’ and ‘Emerson’s first spelling bee’ all old home movies I guess. But mixed in with them were tapes labelled ‘Candle Cove episode four’ and ‘Season three pilot episode’. I picked up a few and noticed that there were bloody fingerprints on several.
There was a series of steps leading down further into the blackness at the rear of the room and I felt oddly compelled to go down there. How far down did this go? How was this even here, beneath my family home, without me ever knowing of it? And yet…and yet I felt like I DID know about it. Looking at those steps I felt like I remembered being in this room before. I was a child and it had been empty then and there I stood with Emerson, at the foot of these stairs.
“Emerson…you have…to go…inside” I had whispered to him, taking delight in how terrified he looked. He had gone down into the dark and…
And…
My head throbbed with pain. It actually physically hurt to try and remember, as if something was willing me not to. Had there been someone down there with us? I was sure I remembered there being someone in the room besides the two of us, the more I thought about it. Our mother? No not our mother but another woman. Why couldn’t I remember her face?
I began to take unsteady steps down the stairs; the more I walked the closer I got to another door, another red door. The key fit the lock of this one as well and it opened with ease. There was music coming from within now and the sound of waves crashing against the shore. I felt it pulling me towards it, calling to me like a siren song.
I had to go inside, I thought to myself. I HAD to go inside.
I wasn’t alone in this room.
I burned all the puppets later that night. Not that I imagine it matters.
They’ve been destroyed before and it hasn’t stopped them from coming back. They’re just wood and paint and cloth, nothing but a conduit. They allow them to come through, allow them to walk through the door and come here. Oh god the door…I know where they go now…I know where they go, oh Christ, oh Jesus please help me I know where they go…
I saw it. They took me there, the way they took my brother when he was a child. They need us. I don’t know why they need us but they need us, that’s what he said. Through that horrible, misshapen mouth, those eyes rolling in his sockets wildly. They needed my brother and they need me. My family is not safe. The signal needs us. The story needs us.
The ship came to that cave. Emerson was laughing and crying at the same time as he spoke the words I knew were coming. As he told me what I had to do.
It was waiting for me.
I saw the
(The following portion of the letter has been heavily crossed out, making it almost impossible to read. A word that may or may not be ‘Mannequin’ appears at one point in the letter and the words ‘skin’ is visible at several points in the following two paragraphs. What could be ‘Faker’ or ‘Taker’ can also be made out in the second paragraph and ‘ship’ in the final sentence. The letter resumes…)
I ran. You may think me a coward for not helping them, not even trying to save them. But I know where the ship is taking them now. I know where the voyage leads and I know who is waiting at the end. I would pray to god but know that will do no good. I know now. I know things that no one should ever know.
I know what Emerson learned, that day the signal found him. I know the things he learned in the dark places, where the music comes from. Music played on instruments crafted of bone and organs, wrapped in flesh. It’s always there now in my head, playing on an endless loop. The signal has found me like it found Emerson that day I made him go down those stairs. Like it found our mother. I know why she did what she did. I know what she knew and I know where Emerson is. I saw him on the ship.
My god the ship…
The laughing was the worst. I wish it would stop laughing.
I have sealed up the basement but know that one day someone will go down there again. I write this so that when they discover the things I know they will find down there they will know neither I nor my mother were responsible. And perhaps so they will have the courage to do what I do not and destroy this terrible place, burn it to the ground. The only thing that holds me back is the fear that perhaps this place is not merely the door to their cage but the cage itself. If the house were to be destroyed perhaps they would be able to spread.
I wish to apologise to my family. I hope they will forgive me for what I am about to do. I hope they will understand. My brother, if this reaches you please do not go into that house. And don’t sell it. Board it up and let it stand forgotten, a creepy old building for people to stare and wonder at. Maybe that will hold them back at least.
The sewing machine is going at all hours of the day now. I know that it’s him, sewing himself new additions to that terrible cape. She lets him keep the skin, you see. He gets to keep the skin.
I am so sorry Emerson. I don’t hate you for the things you did. I wish I could help you or at least put you out of your misery. I know they won’t let you rest. I know you cannot be free of them now.
I see them out of the corner of my eye sometimes. They’re going to take me to the ship. I won’t let them. I will die the way I choose. The sea will carry my body away, hopefully far from where they can ever find it.
(This letter was found lying beside a cassette tape. The tape proved to be nothing but static although those who watched it reportedly felt a sense of ‘unease’ and ‘nausea’ when they tried to view it.
The Grimes home was searched and the belongings of over twenty three children who had gone missing in the local area were discovered within. No trace of the children themselves was found within the house or near it however.
The basement and the secret room were both as the letter described them. However no stairs leading down to a further sub-basement were found anywhere on the property. The puppets all also appeared to be completely undamaged, despite the claim that they had been burnt. The tapes mentioned in the letter were missing however.
Two families have since lived in the Grimes home. Neither has stayed for more than a few months, reporting strange smells, odd noises around the house and things going missing. One reported sensing something ‘Terrible’ in the basement and her children spoke of horrible dreams about ‘The ship taking them away’ and ‘The bony man from the TV’ watching them at night.
The house is now abandoned, having been purchased and then left empty by one Adrian Grimes in early 2011.
The puppets and set pieces from ‘Candle Cove’ (Mistakenly named ‘Pirate Place’ by Grimes in the letter, an early working title for the show that Emerson Grimes later abandoned) supposedly vanished shortly before Adrian Grimes made the purchase.
The whereabouts of Jason Grimes remain unknown)

SOURCE.

The Leather Cape
Early in the summer a few years ago, I started dating this girl whose mother worked at the local flea market. The girl – let’s call her Tiffany – and I had been dating for a few months when she asked me if I would like to come help her work with her mom. I certainly didn’t want to sacrifice one of my precious Saturday mornings to go work all day at a dusty flea market, but I really liked this girl and, to be perfectly honest, wanted to get into her pants, so I decided to go.
That’s how I found myself on my way to the craphole flea market at seven thirty in the morning on a Saturday morning that I really wish I had slept in on. We opened her mom’s store at eight, waited around for customers for a while, but when it got close to ten and only one woman had shown a passing interest in the handmade ashtrays her mom was trying to sell, she told Tiffany and I we could go take a look around the rest of the place.
Tiffany and I walked around for a while, but we didn’t find anything of interest. There was a movie store that had pretty much every movie you could think of, but so did I at home, so no help there. Both of the book stores were a bust, finding nothing interesting but some old Stephen King novels that I already owned and a crotchety old man who watched us like a hawk – probably because we were some “damn teenagers” who, of course, would go out of our way to steal an old dusty book barely held together with spit and glue. We had meandered our way through most of the building when we happened upon a small shop that was selling EXCLUSIVE! RARE! HARD-TO-FIND TV PROPS! according to the very loud banner stretched across the top. “Want to go in?” I asked Tiffany.
“Nah, I have to go use the bathroom. You can go in though.”
“Oh, fine, make me go into the shady store by myself!” I joked.
“You’ll be fine. Go!”
“Do I have to?”
“Yes. You have to go inside. I’ll be right back.” She gave me a playful slap and walked away.
As I walked into the dingy booth, the owner gave me a grim nod without a smile. I didn’t really see anything of interest at first. They really did have some obscure stuff, such as old plush dolls from Rocko’s Modern Life and Ren & Stimpy. There were also some old Pokémon playing cards – not sure if that counted as “rare TV props” but it was still cool – and even some of the old Nickelodeon themed board games. I had several nice hits of nostalgia, but nothing really stuck out at me enough to make me want to buy it. I was about to walk out when the owner said “got some more stuff here behind the counter.”
He pulled out a box of assorted dolls and junk and dropped it carelessly on the counter. “Ain’t had a chance to put them away yet, but you can look.”
I half heartedly picked through the box out of politeness, but I really just wanted to get out of there. I pulled out a couple of old Rugrats dolls and a Squidward doll that had an odd red stain on its head, and was about to just say “no thanks” and put them back and get out of there when I saw something that hit me with such an intense blast of nostalgia that I almost fell over.
A dirty white skull stared at me from the bottom of the box, his huge, black glass eyes that were entirely too large for his head – just as I remembered. I reached down and picked him up, almost forgetting the entire world around me as I looked over the thing I had completely forgotten about until this moment. The tan top hat and cape, made of some of the roughest leather I’ve ever felt, was sewn up in the same crazy patterns I remembered so vividly from my childhood. As I rubbed some of the dirt off of his body, noting the feeling of a rough little bump on his hat and the leathery stitches holding together his clothing, I noticed that his jaw didn’t open all the way. Instead, it barely opened just a bit and slid sideways, from left to right, making an almost unpleasant grinding noise. Every detail was exactly as I remembered.
“Well?”
I jerked out of my stupor with a start. Looking stupidly at the owner, I used every ounce of intelligence I possess to come up with a brilliant reply. “Uh. What?”
“I said, are you gonna buy it or just stand there all day molesting it? Come on kid, I wanna go on lunch.”
“Uh… yeah. I’ll take it.” There was no way I was letting this go. “Would you happen to know if this is… like, actually from the show?”
“Kid,” (I really wished he would stop calling me kid. Just because he was probably in his late fifties doesn’t mean he can address me, at 26 years of age, as a kid) “I don’t even know what show that’s from. All this crap is my brother’s. He would tell you that it’s all the real deal. But I just wanna get rid of it.”
“Well, I hate to be a bother, but is there anyway I could get in contact with him? This show doesn’t even… well, I just need to know if this is actually from the show.”
“Can’t. Dead. Three months now. And the doll is ten bucks. Take it or leave it.”
I handed the rude owner the cash and left the shop with the doll, deep in thought. There was no way this doll should even exist. That show didn’t exist. There was no way it did. I had dreamt it all, hadn’t I? All that screaming…
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t even see Tiffany until she was almost right in my face. “Oh, hi.”
“Hi! Did you actually find something in the shady store?”
“Uh… yeah.” I told her about the doll. She didn’t recognize it, but I didn’t really expect her to. Our conversation quickly turned to other things, such as the creepy old lady she had encountered in the bathroom who had taken up fifteen minutes of her time asking too many personal questions.
We finished out the day, her mom thanked us for our help, and we spent the day together. For those who are curious, I did not succeed in getting in her pants, but that’s inconsequential to the story.
Anyway, that night when I got back to my apartment, I pulled out the doll, something I’d been dying to do all day but had avoided so I didn’t seem like a freak, and gave it a closer look. I couldn’t get over how genuine the cape felt. I loved the feeling of running my fingers over it, enjoying the smooth, yet rough, texture of the stitches. The top hat was removable, and the glass eyes were indeed made of really thick glass. It was all as I had remembered. I was in utter shock, even still. How did this exist?
I sat on my couch and began thinking about the show. Candle Cove. God, I hadn’t thought about that show in easily fifteen, maybe even twenty years. I couldn’t have been older than six or seven when it ran. I only remember it being on for a couple of months before it got cancelled. I remember greatly enjoying it at the time. I would come home from school, always so excited and always making my mom turn the TV channel 58 to watch it. I remembered sitting on the floor, way too close to the TV, watching her turn the dial with the finger that had a mole on it, always the same way every time. Yeah, I’m old enough that the TVs of my childhood still had manual dials instead of a remote, so sue me. I chuckled to myself. I hadn’t thought about any of that for so long. I missed my mom, thinking back on it now. She had passed away about five years ago from skin cancer, and it had hit me hard. She had always been such a big influence in my life. She would always tell me about what an imagination I had, and how she just knew it would take me far. I wish she had lived long enough to see me graduate college and land a job at a small, independent film company where I edited movies. It certainly didn’t make me famous or anything, but it paid very well and I was responsible for some of the better editing in many different films. Some of which I knew she would have loved to watch. I missed her terribly. I missed how when I was sad she would pretend to draw on my face, and I would always watch the mole on her finger as it traced my face because I thought her “freckle mountain,” as I called it, was pretty cool. I missed the way she would chuckle and shake her head at me as I watched the show, remarking on what a big imagination I had “with my little pirate show.” I had always wondered exactly what she meant, but the older I got, the more I realized it must have all been my imagination. The whole thing. The entire show must have been me just thinking too much or something because there was no way that they could have aired that episode. The one with all the screaming… All the characters, screaming bloody murder and jumping and flailing. I remembered vividly the horrible feelings I got from that episode, and even as a child I thought it was strange. Things like that don’t even get aired today, much less all the way back in ‘71.
I must have been rubbing my finger over the doll’s face again, and hadn’t noticed what I was doing until I felt a strong pinch. I gasped and looked down, and quickly pulled my finger out of the doll’s mouth. What the fuck? Why did that hurt so bad? The teeth weren’t sharp or anything. I hadn’t even realized I had put my finger in there. I must have bumped his jaw or something and pinched myself. I sighed and shook my head at my own foolishness, and went back to looking at the doll that was responsible for so many of my childhood nightmares.
As I examined the doll’s mouth, I found myself wondering why it only moved side to side. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more the memories came flooding back. The Laughingstock… Jesus. That old piece of shit pirate ship that was always so close to falling apart. The Ed Wynn voice it had, telling the pirates they had to go inside some place and face the danger – usually the Skin-Taker, whose image I held in my very hand. I remember Janice, the little girl from the show, asking the Skin-Taker why his mouth moved like that. God… What was it he had said? I strained the muscles of my memory until I suddenly got goosebumps when the phrase drifted through my mind, leaving icy trails of fear running down my back.
“To grind your skin…”
It was such a cheesy thing to say, but there was nothing cheesy about the way he had glared so silently into the camera with his evil, black eyes, almost challenging someone to defy him.
Shaking off my childish fears, I tossed the doll on my coffee table and went to go take a shower. I needed to clear my head, but the entire time in the shower my thoughts only wandered more and more. I started remembering more about the final episode that had aired, and the way all the puppets and Janice had screamed and thrashed and shook so violently… there hadn’t even been a plot or anything. The entire episode had consisted of nothing but all the characters screaming and crying and it was all so chaotic and traumatic. I remembered how I had started to cry and my mom had run in from the other room, asking me what was wrong, and I had told her through my tears how Janice was crying and no one was helping her and my mom had turned off the TV and picked me up and made me feel better. Then she went and put me to bed, tracing my face with the finger until I fell asleep and had terrible nightmares all night long about the Skin-Taker chasing me and screaming incessantly… all these thoughts ran through my mind and even though my shower water was pretty hot, I still had chills all over my body.
It didn’t help that when I turned off the water, I could hear my TV was on.
I froze. I knew I hadn’t left my TV on. I hadn’t even turned it on since I got home. I had simply walked through the door and sat on my couch and looked at the doll, and I knew I had never even touched the remote to the TV. I slowly got out of the shower and dried off, listening carefully to the sounds coming from my living room. I couldn’t believe my ears.
Calliope music.
The last set of memories came with a refreshing course of nostalgia. My mother’s finger, the one with the mole that had always comforted me so, turning the dial to the station with all the static. The station always had static, I remembered that. Until 4:00, when Candle Cove came on, there was never anything but static, but when Candle Cove came on the calliope music, ridiculously happy, would start to bleed through the static, slow and distorted at first but speeding up and being more bouncy as the picture cleared and Pirate Percy and his friends greeted Janice to a new day full of adventures. Now I suspected that it had always been static even when the show was on… maybe that was why my mother had shaken her head and laughed at me. But, if it had always been static, where did the doll come from? How did it even exist if the show did not? I was so confused, and the stupid, catchy music coming from my living room was not only making me more confused but was creeping me out a bit too. Shaking off my thoughts, I opened the door and heard the tail end of a sentence spoken in a voice that sounded remarkably like Ed Wynn…
“…GO INSIDE!” it was saying.
I stepped out and slowly walked into the living room. My hallway was ridiculously long and it only served to increase my tension, but just as I rounded the corner, the TV turned to static.
As the only light in the room was the whiteness from the static on the TV, I got really creeped out. I rushed to the lamp and flicked it on, and saw that the doll was exactly where I had left it – right on top of the remote.
I sighed in relief and shook my head in embarrassment. It all made sense now. I had simply thrown the doll on the remote and the force of his impact had turned on the TV. I simply hadn’t noticed because my TV takes forever to turn on and by the time it had, I was in the bathroom. It had been static-y the entire time, and it was simply my confused, slightly disturbed thoughts and emotions that had projected the noises I heard into my brain. I really needed to get some sleep. I knew it wasn’t a good idea to wake up at the crack of dawn to go to the flea market. I could have slept in all day and avoided this whole mess. There would be no questions about where the doll came from or if the stupid fucking show even existed or what all my disjointed, confused memories were trying to tell me… everything would have been alright if I had just slept in. Sound advice for life. Always sleep in.
This is all stuff I tried to tell myself to relieve the creepy feelings I had. And it almost worked. It had almost worked, and my heartbeat had finally slowed, and my blood pressure was normal, and the goosebumpbs had finally gone away, and all the things I told myself had made me feel better. My justifications and explanations had almost… ALMOST made me feel better. Until I picked up the doll and started absentmindedly started running my fingers over it again. I started playing with the funny little bump that was on the top hat again and I remember being extremely comforted. All the bad feelings suddenly went away and I felt so much better. All was well. The show probably had simply existed in another format, and since I was so young my confused mind had simply combined my memories with something else and projected them over the show, giving me all theses confused feelings. I would simply get dressed, get on my computer, look up the show, and put all this crap to rest. Maybe I would even throw away the doll. It would be for the best. I shouldn’t have even bought it, but now that I had, $10 was not too much of a price to pay for some peace of mind. I got up to put the doll in the trash, but the towel wrapped around my waist started to unravel so I reached to grab it and dropped the doll. Tonight was just not my night.
I bent down to pick up the doll and his top hat, which had fallen off. It was then that I got a good look at the hat, when it was separate from the menacing black eyes that demanded all my attention before. I had been playing with the funny little bump on the hat, and I had felt an intense sense of comfort as I did so. When I looked at the top hat, I realized, with a sudden blast of recognition and fear, what my memories had been trying to tell me. I realized what it was about the funny little bump that had given me comfort. It was the same bump that I had stared at for endless hours as a child, in times of happiness, sadness, pain and fear.
The funny little bump… was my mother’s mole.

SOURCE.

So thanks to CyberPlayer for bringing this awesome creepypasta to my attention.

The Common Deanominator - "Sonic Runners" Allows The Hedgehog's Strengths To Shine Through The Limitations of Mobile Gaming

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Oh, Sonic. You poor, blasted hedgehog.

After a tumultuous decade and a half of struggling to find an identity, it seems that the blue blur has been unable to catch a break since his glory days on the Genesis. A string of console releases fluctuating from either underwhelming to unplayable, along with the occasional hint of decency only to regress back to a lukewarm state, has left many fans wondering - myself included - what direction the franchise could possibly go from here. This reached its tipping point with the release of Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric for the WiiU in the fall of 2014. Its radically changed game mechanics, along with its unthinkable number of glitches, inane writing, and overall lack of polish whatsoever led it to be a critical and commercial travesty, leaving its mark as the worst selling Sonic game in the series’ history. The magnitude of this failure was only accentuated when Sega of America announced the closing of its San Francisco offices in an effort to relocate to Southern California and shift its focus to smartphone and PC online gaming. These unfortunate changes only lead fans to believe that Sonic’s demise was more eminent than ever before - so naturally, when it was announced that the next Sonic title was going to be a mobile game, the consensus was less than enthusiastic.

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When footage of this title was finally released online, many were left unimpressed and discouraged at the thought that this is what would become of Sonic’s legacy. In the midst of this cynicism, however, I found myself enticed by the simple gameplay that was presented in the trailer and kept an eye out for its release. After a four month wait following its launch in Japan, I downloaded the game from the Google Play Store, curious as to what it had to offer. I was under the assumption that after all the beatings that Sonic had endured, the only direction from him to go was up.

This is why I’m convinced that Runners is the best Sonic game in recent years. Not the best spin-off game, not even the best mobile game…the best game. As in, it may as well be a part of the main series.

Any hardcore Sonic fans are free to burn me at the stake.

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The premise of Runners is very straightforward. You run through zones, collect rings and jewels, jump on badniks, and run some more. You don’t have to worry about controlling Sonic’s speed because the level is broken up into additional parts in which the speed is increased over time. Eventually you unlock other characters such as Tails and Knuckles, who provide attributes that Sonic does not such as Flying and Power, respectively. Since the game’s international release fell on the franchise’s 24th birthday, I was able to unlock Classic Sonic as part of an in-game birthday promotion, which I thought was a nice touch.

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There are some power-ups that you can collect such as Wisps from Sonic Colors (laser, drill, and asteroid), as well as more traditional items such as shields and invincibility. You can also unlock buddies that follow you and boost your points, including Chao, small baby Wisps, and even a Sega Genesis console or cartridge. (That’s right. You can have a floating Sega Genesis follow Sonic throughout the game and increase his score. How can you not love that.) The game ends when you’ve either run into a wall, hit an enemy without any rings, or fall into a bottomless pit. The whole objective is to collect a score large enough to progress through an “episode” which ends with a boss battle against the bad doctor himself.

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Speaking of which, there is an overarching “plot” that uses image and text based cutscenes to connect stages and episodes together, but it’s so loosely enforced that you likely won’t pay any mind to it anyways (and you are given the option to skip each cutscene entirely if you feel so inclined). Even then, the story is only as complicated as Eggman endangering the lives of the little animals that Sonic protects or Sonic and company rescuing Wisps or Chao from things. Eggman does not blow up the moon and there is no sexual tension between Sonic and a human woman. It’s basic stuff, and if you don’t mind the cutscenes, the banter between characters can be pretty entertaining.

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SIDE NOTE: There may be more to the story than I’ve mentioned but that has yet so be seen as I’ve only had this game for like a week.)

What I like most about Runners is that it takes the “endless runner” genre of mobile gaming and implements elements of side-scrolling Sonic gameplay that make it stand out compared to other titles on the market such as Temple Run and Sega’s own Sonic Dash, which admittedly is their half-hearted attempt at copying the Temple Run formula. I also appreciate that it has an immense amount of replay value. Once you get into a rhythm, it can become very hard to put down - and don’t think that it will be easy on you just because it’s a mobile game. Once you reach Top Speed, it gets tough. As in, spikes everywhere and no rings whatsoever tough. The art direction is nice, utilizing the current CG renders of the characters and placing a thick black line around them while leaving the backgrounds beautifully rendered and untouched. It’s visually pleasing and the borders are kinda necessary if you want to see your character on a smartphone sized screen. As with the grand majority of Sonic games, it has a kickin’ soundtrack, which is pleasing to listen to and makes the game all the more enjoyable.




What do I not like about Runners? Well, you’ll either need a WiFi or mobile connection to play the game, and that kinda sucks. Sometimes I’d just like to play the game without having the need to find a signal. There are also video ads that come up after you finish stages, but they’re far in few between and it is a free game, so I can overlook that. These are all minuscule complaints in the grand scheme of things and hardly retract from what is a genuinely good game.

Still not convinced that this game is worth the time of day? Fear not, as Sega confirmed that there will be Sonic console releases in the future, but it’s clear that won’t be any time soon. Even then, I’d still implore you to give Runners a look. It plays to the strengths of mobile gaming by finding a simple formula and sticking to it. It doesn’t try anything wild or unorthodox, and it really can’t afford to because it’s a mobile game. It deliberately backs itself into a corner and makes great uses of the resources it has, providing a refined and engaging experience in the process.


Sonic Runners may not be the title the franchise deserves, but considering how much hell the hedgehog has been through lately, it is definitely the title that the franchise needs.

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peter talks sometimes - Not a rant. You know what I love?

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Being angry is tiring. So I'm gonna take a break from the vaguely titled rants and talk about things that I love! Now, why don't we just go on and get started?

You know what I love? Pencils. There are so many different kinds!



Take a gander at this lady having a whale of a time, all over pencils! Some have points, some don't. Those right there are words to live by.

You know what I love? Forks. There are so many different uses for them!

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Take a look at the world we live in today and imagine a successful forkless parallel universe. Oh yeah, that's right, you can't! We just can't live without forks and you're quite the crazy crazy if you think otherwise.

You think you can function without the use of forks in your day to day life? You must be a super person, my friend. You have some powers I only wish I had.

You know what I love? This picture of a coat hanger:

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This specific one. All the other photos of coat hangers that are of similar size and shape don't even hold a candle to this photo of a coat hanger. It reminds me of the warm summer of 2001 when I experienced defenestration head on for the first time.

You know what I love? My own fucking book:

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Yes. The Enthralling Journey of Ted Lamp: Poop That Corn is actually the 12th book in a mega series I'm still writing. I'm currently on the 29th book, and that's called The Enthralling Journey of Ted Lamp and a Bunch of His Dumbass Friends 6: Lemmy, Ya Better Get Ready to Batter Up Because We Need This Win to Make it to the Finals 2.

All my books are great of course, but The Enthralling Journey of Ted Lamp: Poop That Corn is easily the best. If you don't agree, then please leave. There's the door, you bean sucker,

You know what I love? Well, rather, who I love?

Grandmother Cheese Cream!

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Gramma Cheese Cream! I know I haven't come over in 6 years and you missed both my middle school AND high school graduation, but that's okay! You're my Gramma Cheese Cream and that's alright! It's okay! You smell like creamed corn and you're missing both legs but you're my Gramma Cheese Cream! Or is it Gramma Cream Cheese? Who knows? We burned your birth certificate.

You know what I love? Fleetwood Mac!

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Now, don't get me wrong. I can't name any Fleetwood Mac song to save my life. I don't think I've ever, ever listened to them. But damn, look at how they're defying gravity and the laws of physics like that! Inertia? Fuck you. Law of thermodynamics? Nuh uh. Antidisestablishmentarianism? Floccinaucinihilipilification? Okay, you're talking crazy now. I can't pronounce these words easily, let alone use them to describe this wild and crazy image of Fleetwood Mac. Aren't they a sight to behold? Hold on, folks! Ya might fall down if you try this at home!

You know what I love? You.

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Who wouldn't love that face? I know I love it more than anything. By the way, Gerald, please make your dentist's appointment. You haven't been in 19 years and it's starting to show, frankly.

SnoopyTheFudge's Blog - Featured Tales of the SCP Foundation (Vol.1)

Stuart K Reilly's Skunkarama - Regarding my older YTP News shows

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Copy/Pasted from my Tumblr so excuse the formatting:


I took them down. Simple as that. They’re gone. Adios. Bye bye hasta lavista baby.





Now I’m sure you’re wondering why I chose to do this. And I have a few good reasons and I’ll explain them here. If some one asks “What happened to Stu’s old news shows?” link them to this post.
First of all
Why I took them down
Because the old 2012 and under YTP News shows do not represent the freedom and fun loving “make what you want” personality I want to project onto the new and old fans of my show.
I’ve said this in video and in text that I no longer want to be associated with the person that I used to be. And I know if people find those videos first before seeing my new stuff thats exactly what they’re going to label me as the screaming unreasonable unfriendly dictator of poop that tries to make everyone poop a certain way with rules and regulations to how you make things.
I want to promote a YTP world that works together and helps each other out as well as respects people’s styles and the sources they use. NOT condemn them because they made an unironic spadinner joke OR an ironic one that people take the wrong way because of the whole fact they referenced CDI or the like.
So instead of having to explain to every single person that I’m not the same person I was years ago I felt it was much easier to just ERASE the person I was years ago.

Stuart K Reilly…..I’m starting to even hate my name. Because I don’t want to be THAT person I was anymore. That selfish cynical sumbitch from yesteryear lost in 2010.

What prompted me to take them down
Pretty much what I said before. I see too many of these young punks blinded by the words I said years ago that were told to them by some one else who heard it from me (yeah its reached that point) and decide that my way of thinking about YTP is the right way and anyone that says anything otherwise is a dumbass. I saw just today on Youchew some kid who was running around like an idiot spouting the same dribble I used to spout back then:
HEY EVERYBODY LOOK AT THIS HORRIBLE YTP I FOUND IT HAS SPADINNER AND BAD SENTENCE MIXING AND SEX JOKES ZOMG LETS FLAME HIS COMMENT SECTION LOLOLOLOLOLOL
I exaggerate a little but that was the gist of it.

And it wasn’t just that. I get PM’s and comments everyday from old fanboys or people who saw my Worst Poops Of All Time video and immediately come to me saying “LOL diss a bad pop (youtube link)”

It has to stop and the only way to stop it was for me to shut my worst enemy up. Me.

So there you go. I took down my old videos because they aren’t what I consider me anymore. Besides it was outdated news anyway and benefitted no one to know about it. So in the end it HAD to go.

Are they gone forever?
Not quite. I still have them. But I’m not giving them to anybody. They remain on my hard drive as a reminder of what I once was. And the person I need to make myself not be ever again.

For all intents and purposes the OLD Stuart K Reilly is DEAD. He’s not coming back. And I plan to keep it that way.

If you have a problem with that then go ahead and tell me right here and now or unfollow me or unsub my youtube whatever you feel will best spite me. Because that person you subbed is not me. He is a sadistic asshole that deserved to die.


I hope this answered all your questions and maybe just maybe you’ll agree with or at least respect my decision. If not I understand.

-The man formally known as Stuart K Reilly

peter talks sometimes - Thoughts about life, love, and laughter

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inside out was a good movie

i like the beatles a lot

my favorite beatles song is a cover instead of an original song. how unusual. not really.

i don't control the speed at which lobsters die

steven universe looks like a good show. i should watch it.

"i've read parts of over ten books" is easily chris farren's best tweet

insulin is fucking stupid

all video games suck except for super mario sunshine

that one blink-182 lyric sounds like "i wish didn't have to pee so bad"

i met tim and eric and i still can't really believe it happened

your favorite weapon is better than deja entendu

every time i hear arctic monkeys i have an ever growing urge to dump clams in the ocean

in 2008, a lot of scam companies had a lot of really gripping ad campaigns

the "STOP BEING OFFENDED AT EVERYTHING" crowd sure gets defensive whenever you tell them something they say might be offensive

barenaked ladies should've disbanded when steven page left. or before they made the big bang theory song.

high school seniors that date high school freshmen really creep me out

yes please, butt pee

roller coasters are like punk trains

you aren't a true conspiracy theorist until a photo surfaces of you yelling into a megaphone

everybody and their mums is packing round here

cookies don't liquefy!

ever since i first went to new jersey, i have the ability to leak on command

when the pizza gets lumpy, the lasagna gets crusty

jet fuel can't melt ice cream

ONCE YOU CRESSP, YOU JUST CAN'T SPLESSP

The Ramblings of a YTP Maker - Hi. This is my blog.

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This is my room. In my apartment. Downtown. Near the fire department, in the ghetto. I still have a CRT TV, because I don't like new tech.

I never went to college. I don't give a crap. I work at a Wendy's and it's fine.

When I'm at home, this is all I do. TV and Internet.

TV and Internet.

I make YTPs and I've been only doing collab entries lately so people can get to know me more.



Wasn't that amazing? I actually did it all frame by frame. With GIMP. And WMM. I've upgraded since then. The process of animating and having all those pictures on my hard drive slowing the computer down almost caused me to miss the deadline.

I like binge eating too. I will eat until I get sick. My dream is to go to Las Vegas, eat at the Heart Attack Grill there. If I were suicidal, it would be the best form of suicide.

Taco Bell and Arby's are also good.

I like classic cars, vintage electronics, that shit. People say I live in the past. It angers me. I have to show them.

The Weekly Furnessly - Take a Break (no connection to a magazine)

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Hi again.

Remember this post? Well, it happened again yesterday (10th July 2015 for future reference) where my dad collapsed on the job. While I didn't witness it due to being at home at the time, someone nearby phoned the emergency number. I was with my dad for about 2 hours in the hospital when we came by ambulance, they did various checks [blood pressure, urine test and heart monitor] and found nothing so they let us go. The doctor recons that it might be to do with enclosed spaces since the first time was in our narrow kitchen and the second time a narrow hallway/steps while vaccuming however are seeing a doctor on top of that. My dad's ribs also hurt so he is in pain right now.

As you might be able to tell, I am very upset, very stressed (more than usual and normally I am stressed) and have been like this even a week before this happened. Have been at mentally breaking point a few times, even today where I felt sore cheekbones or really fluttered. I even cried while shopping today with my mum. If it wasn't for her comforting me, I don't know how I will cope. So I'm looking after my dad, my mum is looking after me and vice versa. After all I believe in being really close to your family and care for them. It is what Don Vito Corleone would do even if I am more Max Payne.

This also mean that I will be leaving the forum (for a break) earlier than expected since my original plans were during the upgrade but this sudden event just makes my mind up. To tell you the truth, I am pretty busy since I am going to be with my parents more than ever, looking after them, helping them even with basic things. Even before this, I am unhappy and really am unhappy now. It is like I'm 80% unhappy with a 20% chance of some short lived happiness. Thanks for all the things that the forum said first time around, really do like it.

So what I am going to be doing while I am looking after my parents since that is top priority? Well I'll be still looking online however online is getting less and less compared to the past (really now GAF for the gaming news until the PS3/Wii U gets no more games means at least until 2016 then, check my emails, Backloggery for gaming progress, looking at a few things, doing some research plus the fortnightly GameSack episodes) since many of the websites that I go on have either shut down or been inactive for years. May try an old thing but it depends on how I feel and just not ready for it. When I'm not on the computer, I'll be on the console playing my games and getting my backlog down. Also I'm still watching and enjoying The Sweeney that is on TV, the past few episodes have been really good [aside from an out of character episode called Trap] even I agreed with Jack Regan on the last episode of Season 2. The series is halfway done now and failing any skipped episodes, it should finish by the end of August (only 53 episodes that is quite a lot for an English show that isn't a soap opera or a game show). After that I don't know what I'll be watching or indeed watching anything at all.

Going towards the backlog, while I have done a decent job trying to clear it with the biggest game being GTA 3 a game that I had for 12 years and finally done it last week (the Xbox version instead of the PC one though), it is a long way to go. It makes harder that many of the short games (mainly FPS) have been done with the harder older stuff really left in that category. The old Master System/Mega Drive/SNES/arcade games. I still can't get any further than the first boss of Super Bomberman 2! The only few exceptions that I can think of are like Split/Second or Dead Space Extraction. So that leaves the really looooooooooooong games like Xenoblade (ouch), White Knight Chronicles (ouch but some of the online part has switched off making it a shorter game), Lightning Returns (double ouch), 3 Tales games (triple ouch!) and the stuff that takes time to play whether it is length/content such as Gran Turismo 6, GTA Vice City, GRID Autosport, Red Dead Redemption, Test Drive Unlimited 2, Yakuza 4, Far Cry 3 and 4 [well played properly for the latter, I know it can be done in 10 minutes], the Assassin's Creed games [apart from 1?] or just plain tricky like some Metal Gear games [including Revengance], Ridge Racer Unbounded, Far Cry 2 [from what I've read it goes ouch in difficulty!], Dead to Rights, the two Operation Flashpoint games, Rainbow Six series and I imagine Mace Griffin Bounty Hunter since that is an unusually long FPS. With a backlog of abour 190 games and feel safe when it gets to less than the 100 range, judging by my behaviour it might take until end of 2016 before I get to the safe zone so I can relax a bit more. Currently playing inFamous at the moment and I'm nearly 50% done despite playing for a week however also juggling with Super Mario Bros. 2 All-Stars version on the side (got to 5-1)*.

* - If anyone is really curious; I prefer to play SMB1 on the Game Boy Color (Deluxe) due to a physic bug on the SNES version and don't mind the screen reduction since to offset it with extra features, SMB2 is either SNES or Advance, SMB3 SNES all the way and Super Mario World either the All-Stars version or Advance 2 due to the slight improvements (redesigned Luigi sprite!). It is simply that I haven't got into the NES. While I do acknowledge that the NES shaped the Japanese and American gaming and there are some good/great to this day exclusive games [well at the time, excluding Virtual Console] however there are some limitations whether it is scrolling or bad colour selection [I am aware of the palette limitations, some look good but others don't depends on the game]. Like SMB3 for an example, the right "overscan" scaling puts me off the game making it look glitchier than it should be and a few other games are like this due to scrolling limitations. That isn't in the SNES version (or the GBA version), plus with its improved graphics, bug fixes and the gameplay is pretty much the same, would rather go for that version.

Will I be lurking still? Well I don't know but it might be a possibility, posts though are out of the question. I will not be back until I feel right to do so. When I am MENTALLY RIGHT and to be honest, I haven't since 2012. With my well known problems with no clear solution, it is perhaps for the best.

Anyway I want to say thank you for many of the members past and present on the forum for being around me, even though for the past two years or so have been on the down, unhappy and to be honest a bit annoying side instead of being the helpful person that I should be.

TheJLeeTeam's Blog - I'm making a tribute to Satoru Iwata

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President of Nintendo Satoru Iwata passed away yesterday due to an illness called Bile Duct Tumor. I went to the Pokémon Symphonic Evolutions concert in San Jose today which was great by the way. Before the finale I learned that Iwata passed away.

As soon as I heard that, I feel like I want to make a tribute video to him. What I want to do is show footage of every game he was credited for and play music from games he was credited for as well.

The next poop I'm working on will be delayed so I can work on this tribute.

EDIT: I'm not going to make a tribute video but I'll make one on Deviantart.

MrThisucks' Top 10 lists - Boobs: The Rights and Wrongs in Anime

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One of the most important aspects of anime is the character design. Who's gonna want to look at a bunch of shitty looking drawings for 30 minutes, let a lone 13 episodes? One thing I've noticed about anime is the various designs in women's breast. Most cartoons would just put whatever to ensure the viewer this is indeed a woman. Hell, if the artstyle allows them, they'll just draw a triangle on their chest and call it a day. Now I'm not an artist so I can't give a set standard for breast, so I'll juat go over a couple good and bad breast.


AZUMANGA DAIOH
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One thing I liked about this show is that when you look at them, they look like teenagers. They've blossomed not all the way, but far enough. Sasaki seems to have some pretty big boobs, but it goes well with her character because she's the big one. I bet her ass is big too if we turned her around. Osaka I don't know why but she's the same age as most of them so why is she just as flat as Chiyo? Balance? Osakan girls are late bloomers? Overall, I say boobs look alright here.

K-ON!!
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Sorry this image is so huge. Anyway, I'm having a hard time deciding here. This is an anime where the characters look a little too young, so at first glance I'd say that's a little bad. However, Mio here on the left has a good pair going on, as well as Mugi, which to me is carrying the show as far as breast go. Not everyone can have a chest like a pornstar so in this regard, I think K-ON!! is kind of honest about girls breast size. The rest of their body, however...

​KENICHI: THE MIGHTIEST DISCIPLE
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Okay, these 3 women are pretty much the only 3 that matter since they actually get screen time. The first two, Miu and Shigure respectively, have really stupidly huge breast. First off, they are martial artist and have rigorous-ass training routines. I don't care what you eat or who's genes you got, if you are a woman and do tons of exercising, those boobs of yours are going to leave you. You may think I'm exaggerating because you female readers are reading and thinking how you do your daily exercise and keep a set of breast on you, but you probably aren't doing the shit these girls are, of which I forget because I haven't seen this show in a while. Trust me though, its extreme enough to wear down tits. So why do these two have such fucking big ass tits? The only way you're going to keep a big pair of tits and be super strong like they are in Kenichi is if you got some implants, and implants on top of muscly chest look fucking weird. Kisara, this third girl here, makes sense. Despite her focusing more on strengthening her legs for combat, she still works everything else out I presume, and her breast are at a reasonable level. Not big, nor completely bad. So I say Kenichi the mightiest disciple has bad breast design.

HIGH SCHOOL OF THE DEAD
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I was trying to get official artwork of all the girls together and this is the best I could do. These are a little too big, especially that fucking nurse right there to the left. Oh man, they're grounds for some sort of eco terrorism investigation. Look at them she must have spent thousands of dollars on back treatments. Everyone else I feel like I believe there are a good amount of women with their breast size, but not 17, and not so concentrated together. Bad breast design.

FAIRY TAIL
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Despite my last point, it seems like every woman in Fairy Tail has a pretty large chest going on. Levy here in the orange is pretty much the only one not built for maximum motorboating. However, are we just supposed to believe every woman in Magnolia has big tits? Not me. Wheres all the surf boards at? Most of these woman are fairly physically active and are rocking D-cups. The hell man? I've always been pissed off with Erza's boobs because she wears that armor most of the time. and I'm thinking of all the masochistic torture she puts herself in. It looks took snug and she's just walking around, crushing her own tits. Bad boob design.

NISEKOI
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We got something going here. 1) They look like teenagers so that's nice. 2) Chitoge is supposed to be sexy since she's half Japanese half American so everything looks good. 3)Tsugumi is supposed to be secretly sexy so right here in her swimsuit she's looking right 4)Onodera is supposed to be just cute I think, like a cupcake among souffle's, which looks right so that's good 5) Ruri is the frumpy one, so she's the playing the role of the pancake well here. Everyone has fitting boobs except Marika. Fuck that girl. Watch out for her in my next blog "Top 10 Worst Girls in Their Respective Series." Overall though, everyone has good boobs.

YURU YURI
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DANMACHI


Sorry google images was so useless for this one. just go skim through episode 12 of this show real quick. Despite Hestia being a titty goddess at the tender age of 1400 and Lily being even hardcore-er oppai loli plus furbait, the rest of the cast had well paired boobs. Aiz I felt were just right, They're barely a handful. And personally, I think Lyon is the sexiest one there. Her body is just...tight to say the least. Perfect boobs all around

EIKEN
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CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY! IS THERE SCHOOL A FRONT FOR GMO'S AND STEROIDS AND ALL THESE OTHER GROWTH HORMONES? THIS IS DOWNRIGHT DISGUSTING! SURE, YOU MEN THINK THIS IS SEXY,​ BUT THIS IS A POSTER FOR A LIFE OF STRETCHMARKS, CHRONIC BACK PAIN, HUMILIATION AND COSTLY BRAZIERS. I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE WHAT THEIR NIPPLES MUST LOOK LIKE. THE BEST I COULD THINK OF IS HOW THAT SUPER VOLCANO ON MARS LOOKS LIKE FROM SPACE!
UTTERLY SHAMEFUL AND IS AMONG SOME OF THE MOST DISGRACEFUL THINGS EVER PRODUCED FOR ENTERTAINMENT, ALONG WITH SONG OF THE SOUTH, JERSEY SHORE, AND A SIBERIAN FILM. I THINK ONE OF THEM IS TEN! -666/10 ON THE BOOB SCALE!

Thanks for reading!

Cinephile Confessions - Hollywood Canteen

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In 1941, America took a turn for the worse when the naval base known as Pearl Harbor was bombed by the Japanese, and was issued a declaration of war from Nazi Germany, thus pulling the country into the second World War. While our military forces were combating the enemy overseas, at home, we also contributed to their effort by buying war bonds, recycling important materials such as metal and rubber, among other things. Hollywood, especially, had a big part in this, with every major studio producing propaganda and war-themed shorts (both animated and live-action) and feature films that encouraged our troops overseas as well as took our minds off the mayhem. Why did I give you this little history lesson, you ask? Well, when I said that Hollywood had a big part in supporting our own troops and allied forces, they did more than just make films.

In 1942, actors John Garfield and Bette Davis, along with the former president of the Music Corporation of America, Dr. Jules Stein, opened up an exclusive club reserved only for servicemen called the Hollywood Canteen. There, men who were on leave from military service, whether local or from one of the allied countries, got to relax and enjoy food, drink, dancing, and entertainment from some of Hollywood's greatest performers until they were ordered to return to active duty. Many of the performers also served as waiters, dishwashers, and cooks, believe it or not. The canteen would stay open up until the end of the war in 1945. In 1944, however, the place was so popular amongst the public that Warner Brothers Pictures decided to make a musical motion picture based around the establishment.

This two-hour picture, filmed entirely in black-and-white, had one of the biggest star rosters in film history at the time, with most of the stars playing themselves, including founders Bette Davis and John Garfield, as well as Peter Lorre, Joan Crawford, Joe E. Brown, The Andrews Sisters, Jack Carson, Roy Rogers (along with Trigger, "the smartest horse in the movies"), among others. There is a story underlying this, though. It's about two Army soldiers who served in the South Pacific, with one of them, named Slim, falling in love with film actress Joan Leslie, who reminds him of his past fiancee. On the third night, Slim becomes the millionth customer, and wins a date with Joan. It then becomes a romantic drama between the two, as they both have feelings for one another. Thus, Joan makes it her goal to give Slim the best night he's ever had before he goes back to active duty.

Aside from the story, the film is mainly a variety show, featuring several musical numbers and skits performed by the stars. A musical, it may be, but it's not the kind of musical where a character sporadically breaks into song a la Rodgers & Hammerstein in order to move the plot along. Even though the underlying storyline is put aside throughout a good portion of the picture, the film does not stray from its main attraction: the canteen itself and what it accomplished for our troops. The film got mixed reception from critics upon release, but audiences were all over it, with 40% of the ticket sales going to the real canteen.

The film was enjoyable to watch, and serves as a time capsule of a bright moment in U.S. history during a dark time. Warner Bros. even made a parody/tribute of this film two years later via an animated Merrie Melodies short entitled "Hollywood Canine Canteen", which featured dogs that were reminiscent of Hollywood stars. This short can be seen as a bonus feature on the DVD.

The film is available on its own on DVD, however, it is also available in the Wartime Musicals 4-movie set from Turner Classic Movies, along with "Yankee Doodle Dandy", "Thank Your Lucky Stars", and "This Is The Army".

DID YOU KNOW?:

- According to one of the film's taglines, a total of 62 stars were in this film alone, all of which were contracted by Warner Brothers.

- Originally, it was supposed to be a multi-studio collaboration, since an actor's contract at the time was limited to one studio. 20th Century Fox, MGM, Paramount, and Universal were several major studios that refused to take part, so Warner decided to make it a single-studio effort.

MrDrunkenFox's Drunken Vape Reviews - MarkTen, Vuse, and blu: The Curious Case of Cigalikes

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A lot of us have heard of vaping now; those pen-like or box-like devices that grant the user nicotine delivered through a burned vapor of glycerine, water, and artificial flavoring. People typically categorize these devices as being used by folks attempting to quit smoking, and well, I am one of those folks trying to quit smoking. When you get a new battery and tank, though, it becomes somewhat of a hobby. Many local stores and online marketplaces allow things to add pizazz to your pen or box, as well as e-liquids with almost any flavor you can imagine. This is my introductory paragraph to the blog as a whole, but I will not be talking about the kinds of boxes, pens, tanks, or liquids today. No, let's talk about those cigalikes you see in your grocery store or gas station.

MarkTen by Altria
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This is the Markten, Altria's (the parent company of Phillip Moris, creators of Marlboros) cheap entry in the vape market. The $10 starter kit comes with a single battery, USB adapter, and your choice of a single regular or menthol cartridge. Yes, cartridge. These little things simply screw or snap on the end of your battery and are generally ready to go. Two additional cartridges go from $6-$7 and, depending on your puffing habits, last from less than a day to about two days.

Of the three brands to be mentioned today, this would be currently dead last. The menthol tastes much more like chemical-laced artificial mint than any menthol I've ever had, the regular flavor tastes like god damn nothing, and the battery will go out at least once on a full charge before your cartridge finally runs out. The battery is also prone to falling apart after long-term use; the cap covering the lighted end will come off, the sticker around the battery will eventually peel off, and even brand new cartridges will have the stickers already ready to come off at any moment. If you can't afford a good battery that uses a tank yet and just want to get started with a cigalike, do NOT start with this piece of garbage.

Vuse by RJ Reynolds

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Surely you've heard of RJ Reynolds, even if the lot of you don't smoke or vape. They make Camels, Winstons, just about any brand that isn't Marlboro. Vuse started to be sold in 2012 but didn't get really mainstream until late 2013 and 2014. Very similar to Markten, a single batter, cartridge and usb charger is available for $10 and two cartridges for $6, but on rare occasion you can find a store selling an expansion kit that comes with an extra battery, a black case, car adapter, USB, and wall adapter, all for ~$25... and with no flavor cartridge that could've been added just as a thank you bonus. Trust me, you could just use the $10 for a little while just fine. RJR claims the battery design is for those who don't want to look like smokers thanks to it's... well, unique but still cigalike appearance. Whatever you say, guys.

This battery though... is actually really good! Unlike the MarkTen battery that will only last about half the length of a cartridge's life span, this battery can actually eat up two cartridges (each one is approx. one pack of cigarettes) before needing a charge. I was impressed how much I could use this thing at work during smoke breaks and heading home, then coming back to work before needing to charge it on the store's pc. Because cigarette companies have no imagination with flavors, once again you're stuck with just regular or menthol flavors. I actually do like the initial menthol flavor on these, they taste much more authentic than the MarkTens' menthol and give a more cool sensation, but overtime, they will begin to taste pretty burnt and mediocre, a good indication that your cartridge is going to run out (as a note, the Vuse battery gives indications of low battery life or low cartridge life by blinking red and white lights, respectively). The regular... oh my Dear god, it's awful. It's like I'm tasting an ashtray. Where as the MarkTen regular tasted like nothing, the Vuse regular flavor tastes like the cheapest paper-rolled convenience store cigar you can imagine. It was not pleasant on the throat and I would constantly cough like a chain smoker after only a few small huffs.

Vuse gets second place with the decent battery and not-bad menthol, but stay clear of that regular flavor.

blu PLus+ by Fontem US, Inc

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I'll summarize the previous generation of blu in a nutshell: Crap cartridge life, crap battery life, terrible draw, overpriced starter kit and disposables, do not purchase.

Now onto blu Plus+. I was reluctant to give BLU a second chance after the disaster that was their previous generation of batteries and cartridge. I hated blu, I was convinced to actually start using a real battery and tank because of the money I was pouring for its mediocre experience. But along came a little $15 kit with a battery, usb driver, and two (yep, not one, but two) cartridges, flavored tobacco. I had more disposable income than usual and thought "what the hell" and gave it a try. Hooooo what an improvement. The flavor was much more crisp, the vapor per draw was practically twice the original cartridge and longer lasting, and the battery life was singificantly improved (though still not to the level of Vuse or, well, just about any real vapor battery).

With blu Plus+ cartridges, you typically get a choice of four flavors at $14-$15 with three cartirdges per box at the store: menthol, tobacco, strawberry, and vanilla. The menthol was very good, about the quality of high-grade e-liquid menthol flavors; strawberry still tasted like medicine similar to the cartridges and is not worth the $15, and the vanilla.... wow, really fantastic. I'm not kidding, it tasted like I was eating cookies n cream ice cream, I wanted to eat the damn thing for fucks sake.

This battery ranks first place of the three thanks to improvements made in battery life, cartridge life, amount of vapor produced outranking the other two, and three of the four flavors being pretty decent.

Final Note:

Whatever praise or ranting I may make about these three cigalike vapor devices, please do not start vaping e-liquid with nicotine if you're not already addicted to nicotine and you only just want to fit in or have a habit and taste the many flavors on the market. Nicotine is a hell of a drug that's very hard to shake off, something I learned the hard way as I was desperate for ways to calm the stress of work and school.

With that said, please do not get either of these three if you want to be a serious vaper. Save up and get a freaking battery and tank that you can fill up with whatever brand, flavor, and strength (or lack of strength thereof) of e-liquid you want. Trust me, your wallet will thank you.

MrDrunkenFox's Drunken Vape Reviews is a new blog covering the finer vices in life, mostly vaping. This blog is not meant to encourage nonsmokers, above or below legal vaping age, to take up vaping but is instead covering the personal experiences and judgement of the vaping world, and does encourage anyone currently smoking to at least give it a try.

Cinephile Confessions - Hollywood Canteen (1944)

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Released by Warner Brothers Pictures in 1944. Not Rated.


In 1941, America took a turn for the worse when the naval base known as Pearl Harbor was bombed by the Japanese, and was issued a declaration of war from Nazi Germany, thus pulling the country into the second World War. While our military forces were combating the enemy overseas, at home, we also contributed to their effort by buying war bonds, recycling important materials such as metal and rubber, among other things. Hollywood, especially, had a big part in this, with every major studio producing propaganda and war-themed shorts (both animated and live-action) and feature films that encouraged our troops overseas as well as took our minds off the mayhem. Why did I give you this little history lesson, you ask? Well, when I said that Hollywood had a big part in supporting our own troops and allied forces, they did more than just make films.

In 1942, actors John Garfield and Bette Davis, along with the former president of the Music Corporation of America, Dr. Jules Stein, opened up an exclusive club reserved only for servicemen called the Hollywood Canteen. There, men who were on leave from military service, whether local or from one of the allied countries, got to relax and enjoy food, drink, dancing, and entertainment from some of Hollywood's greatest performers until they were ordered to return to active duty. Many of the performers also served as waiters, dishwashers, and cooks, believe it or not. The canteen would stay open up until the end of the war in 1945. In 1944, however, the place was so popular amongst the public that Warner Brothers Pictures decided to make a musical motion picture based around the establishment.

This two-hour picture, filmed entirely in black-and-white, had one of the biggest star rosters in film history at the time, with most of the stars playing themselves, including founders Bette Davis and John Garfield, as well as Peter Lorre, Joan Crawford, Joe E. Brown, The Andrews Sisters, Jack Carson, Roy Rogers (along with Trigger, "the smartest horse in the movies"), among others. There is a story underlying this, though. It's about two Army soldiers who served in the South Pacific, with one of them, named Slim, falling in love with film actress Joan Leslie, who reminds him of his past fiancee. On the third night, Slim becomes the millionth customer, and wins a date with Joan. It then becomes a romantic drama between the two, as they both have feelings for one another. Thus, Joan makes it her goal to give Slim the best night he's ever had before he goes back to active duty.

Aside from the story, the film is mainly a variety show, featuring several musical numbers and skits performed by the stars. A musical, it may be, but it's not the kind of musical where a character sporadically breaks into song a la Rodgers & Hammerstein in order to move the plot along. Even though the underlying storyline is put aside throughout a good portion of the picture, the film does not stray from its main attraction: the canteen itself and what it accomplished for our troops. The film got mixed reception from critics upon release, but audiences were all over it, with 40% of the ticket sales going to the real canteen.

The film was enjoyable to watch, and serves as a time capsule of a bright moment in U.S. history during a dark time. Warner Bros. even made a parody/tribute of this film two years later via an animated Merrie Melodies short entitled "Hollywood Canine Canteen", which featured dogs that were reminiscent of Hollywood stars. This short can be seen as a bonus feature on the DVD.

The film is available on its own on DVD, however, it is also available in the Wartime Musicals 4-movie set from Turner Classic Movies, along with "Yankee Doodle Dandy", "Thank Your Lucky Stars", and "This Is The Army".

DID YOU KNOW?:

- According to one of the film's taglines, a total of 62 stars were in this film alone, all of which were contracted by Warner Brothers.

- Originally, it was supposed to be a multi-studio collaboration, since an actor's contract at the time was limited to one studio. 20th Century Fox, MGM, Paramount, and Universal were several major studios that refused to take part, so Warner decided to make it a single-studio effort.

A Wizard of Toasters Talks About Things - An Observation of Instagram

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Are Instagrammers really that stupid? On the off-chance that you'll find me browsing Instagram, I find all these posts in my feed proudly proclaiming lies among the lines of "If you follow this account, you'll get to hear the rest of this story", "Follow this account for free emojis" and whatnot. These posts are real, I couldn't make this up if I tried, and people really are falling for this crap. I understand that a sucker is born every minute, but it should become common knowledge, even to the stupidest of people, that this is all just a load of crap, just like the "Click to get a free current Apple product" ads. The most common excuse used by the folk who get called out for their imbecility say, "But I'm still going to follow them just in case.", which completely ignores what I just called them out for. By following them "just in case", you are still supporting these people and allowing this dumbness to breed. The easiest way to deal with this is to unfollow any of these sell-outs, no matter how interesting their posts may be. There are plenty of "cool facts" websites out there. Imgur is a fantastic place to start, plus all those "awesome photo" posters mostly steal from Reddit and Imgur users' original content anyways. Support original media creators and oppress this greediness. Avoid Instagram social-media reposters like the plague. Come for what Instagram was meant for, sharing your photos, not other people's.

Keep in mind that this is not a personal attack on Instagram users, only a criticism on this abuse of Instagram, and the people who allow it to grow.
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