Quantcast
Channel: YouChew Community Blog List
Viewing all articles
Browse latest Browse all 480

The Realm of Entropy - Gross Liquids and Sadness

$
0
0
My wife and I have been trying to have kids for like a year and a half now. Before you read further, YES, it's going to contain graphic details not suitable for children or people who can't discuss bodily fluids. Warning over!

She's been to the doctor to get her plumbing checked out, make sure she -can- have kids and all that.. and she's fine. She's a little anemic, but that's corrected with multivitamins. This happened about six months ago. So then, because the doctor says she's fine, the onus falls on ME being the problem, because trying for a whole year and nothing is odd.

I dunno if any of you have had to jizz in a cup before, but because it's not a sock, and because aiming is a little more difficult than taking a piss, when I took a home test to make sure I wasn't shooting blanks, the first one I missed. Then, after clean-up, I get to wait and recharge, but because I don't want the test results to be wrong, I'm stuck there wondering like, how many hours do I have to wait? I ended up waiting three, then successfully hit the target, huzzah! Let me tell you - home tests for pretty much anything are going to be fucking gross. I had to wait for a while until it turned more liquid-y before getting an eye dropper and putting it down on a piece of paper. Have any of you ever played with your own ejaculation? It's fucking weird. Not as much shit as when my wife is checking her ovulation schedule thing.. peeing in a cup every day before having to stick a piece of paper in it to figure out if her RH levels are up, so we should be fucking.

Well, anyway.. the home test confirms that hey, I have a low sperm count. But that's about all it says - it could be a plethora of problems. Maybe I have a low sperm count because I have Klinefelter's Syndrome (I don't, I'm just speculating), so some of them are coming out with XX or XY and that's not gonna work. Maybe it's not due to anything in particular, I just got fucked on the genetic lottery. Maybe I need to not drink every day. Whichever "maybe" is right, fuck this shit, professor.

Ever tried to make something happen for a year and a half? Believe me, the trying part is a shitload of fun for obvious reasons, but when it's time for Aunt Flo to visit, both of us turn into emotional wrecks, because constant disappointment is a shitty way to live your life. As of yesterday, we were in that period of time where we're waiting for period, or does she need to pee on a stick now, and since both of us are fucking terrible at dealing with this, ended up going to Wal-Trash at night, just to buy pregnancy tests. It's worse when you REALLY think this time it worked, or she's not feeling quite like she's having a period, and things hurt in other places than normal - anything becomes a sign that babies are gonna happen, and then Aunt Flo visits and you want to kidney punch the closest non-wife living person. At least that's what it's like for me.

Anyways, due to her peeing on a stick last night, the answer is, yet again, NOPE, which means we get to feel this way again for at least another month. I haven't been to a doctor yet for an official evaluation on my stuff, but it's planned, for this month, that I go. Having to jizz in a cup is bad enough in my own bathroom, so I have no fucking clue how I'm going to explain to the doctor that I need a bunch of wet naps so this room doesn't look like a contemporary art project under blacklight. Dealing with all this shit is really fucking hard, and I already have dysthymia, so that helps about as much as getting a hot poker in the ass while playing Jenga. The monthly disappointment is fucking terrible. Just don't have kids, or if you do, make sure you don't shoot blanks before you get your hopes up. I think I'm gonna go punch something now.

Viewing all articles
Browse latest Browse all 480

Trending Articles